Morning Meme: Robert Pattinson Copes With Jon Stewart, Dolly Parton Knows Gays, And Wentworth Miller Is Up For A Sweet Gig

I’m taking over the meme today for the vacationing Ed. I’ll try not to buckle under this responsibility and valor. Onward!

First, the bad news: St. Kylie Minogue had an affair in 1994 with her Street Fighter costar Jean-Claude Van Damme. Not that we blame her.

I’m not done geeking out about The Price is Right’s search for a male model — a “Barker’s Brawny,” if you will. The winner will be decided through a five-episode webseries where viewers can vote for their favorite candidate. The selected stud only gets to model dinette sets and jetskis for a week, but I’m hoping he’ll be as excited to be a part of the show as unforgettable contestant Steven Raff was.

Kind of hard to believe that the 2012 Olympics were the most watched U.S. TV event in Nielsen history. Who knew that America cared about Matthew Mitcham’s Speedo this much? I’m actually crying.

Yes, there will be a Will & Grace reunion on Smash. Holler, Sean Hayes! But can NBC please also reunite Anjelica Huston with her Addams Family costars Christina Ricci, Christopher Lloyd, and Carol Kane? R.I.P. Raul Julia, who was killed trying to break up the Van Damme/Minogue sex on the set of Street Fighter.

Nine Nobel Peace Prize winners are urging NBC to cancel its boring summer series Stars Earn Stripes, where celebrities like Dean Cain, Todd Palin, and poor Nick Lachey are put through military-style training. Says the letter to NBC Entertainment Chairman Bob Greenblatt, “Preparing for war is neither amusing nor entertaining… People — military and civilians — die in ways that are anything but entertaining.” Hear this!

Which books should never become movies? I vote for Revolutionary Road, personally.

Dolly Parton, tell The Boot something cool about having gay fans, will you? “I just know, through the years, I’ve had people tell me I should do this or I shouldn’t do that. I have a lot of gay fans because they know that I just accept people as they are. That’s not my place to judge. I ain’t God and I ain’t runnin’ for office.” Thank you, dear.

Sexy Prison Break vet Wentworth Miller, who better be gay, is in talks to write The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, an adaptation of David Wroblewski’s bestseller about a mute boy who must run away from home with his dogs after his father dies under mysterious circumstances. Miller also wrote the new movie Stoker, with Mia Wasikowska and Nicole Kidman. Good news, everyone: WRITERS ARE SEXY.

CNN may “add reality programming” to its lineup. I was just thinking the news needed more reality. I mean, am I right, Will McAvoy?

So, which celebrity in that crazy, high-stakes poker ring that included Tobey Maguire, Ben Affleck, and Leonardo DiCapario do we think is hottest? I’m sticking with Matt Damon.

And in Sexiest Man Alive Over 50 news: Christoph Waltz (<3 <3 <3) is joining Terry Gilliam’s Zero Theorem. I could listen to Christoph Waltz talk. All. Day.

And Happy Birthday to Steve Martin (67) and same-aged bad-asses Magic Johnson and Marcia Gay Harden (both 53). That trio is my ultimate version of The Mod Squad. (P.S. Marcia Gay Harden was kickass on the second season of Damages.)

 

 

Ryan Murphy tweeted this photo of Jayson Blair from the set of The New Normal

If this is the new normal then the future is bright.

Aw, here’s Olympic golden girl Gabby Douglas on The Tonight Show confessing that she indulged with an Egg McMuffin following her triumph at the games. Michelle Obama chafed slightly at that.

And speaking of the first lady: Here she is following Gwen Stefani, whose new single with No Doubt isn’t bad, and who literally looks great in ANY DAMN COLOR. Shock pink? Why not?

 

Let’s all clap at Rashida Jones, who thinks it’d be nice if ONE major movie star came out in the near future. ONE. EVER. In an interview/discussion with her friend Will McCormack, she points a finger at Tricky Travolta.

 Hey everyone? This is the truth. I’m through with “spirit animal.”

Some of us miss when Lauryn Hill was the unchallenged sorceress of neo-soul. Here’s her mugshot for those recent tax evasion charges. 1998, come back to us.


Aw, poor R-Patz joined Jon Stewart to talk about Cosmopolis and cry away the pain of Kristen Stewart’s evil. Like everyone, I was shocked to see her scowling with another man.


Helena Bonham Carter
was just cast as Miss Havisham in… real life. Just kidding. The trailer for HBC’s new version of Great Expectations is slightly fragmented, but she appears to give a great performance. Love her. Did you see her BAFTA acceptance speech last year? A stunner.

Thank God, more of Jake Gyllenhaal in uniform. In the new movie End of Watch, he plays an LA cop alongside Michael Pena.

This is about a week old now, but you know that new movie Hope Springs? Go see it. It was pretty incisive. Here’s the cast on Charlie Rose (following Henry Kissinger!).

And lastly, please remember to support Cheyenne Jackson in whatever he does. Have you watched the “Before You” video enough times yet? His dapperness is crotch-igniting. Rachel Dratch, I adore you.