Nate Berkus may have begun his pop culture existence as The Oprah Winfrey Show's go-to interior decorator, but in the decade following his Harpo Studios debut, we've learned so much more about the man behind the quirky design aesthetic. In 2004, Berkus lost his partner Fernando Bengoechea in the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami while vacationing with him in Sri Lanka, and since that time he's opened up about the experience (including with Oprah herself), hosted his own talk show for two seasons, and now written two books, including the new release The Things That Matter. For Berkus, the loss of Bengoechea ended up directly influencing the core standards of his work and, specifically, what he wants surrounding him in his own home.

Just ahead of his reunion with Oprah on her Sunday morning OWN series Super Soul Sunday, we caught up with the 41-year-old designer to discuss the very personal nature of his book, his candor with his father (and Oprah), and what he meant when he said he didn't "choose" to be gay.

AfterElton: Your new book is about making homes a reflection of the people who live in them, but it includes so much detail about your personal life, your history, and the hardships you've gone through. It's everything about you. Is it a tough book to discuss for that reason?

Nate Berkus: No. Conversely, it's a very easy thing for me to talk about. It's sort of the first time that I've really been able to share all of these things in a way that felt organic and felt like it made sense to me.

AE: Has your transition from friendly TV interior designer to candid, self-revealing author been easy?

NB: You know, it really wasn't a transition for me. It may appear as a transition from the outside, but I've always been very open. I've always been forthcoming, and the people who know me personally know me well. I think what's been interesting for me was that this has been kind of a moment in my life where there certainly wasn't a conscious decision to strike up conversation about my personal experience, but when I set out to write the book and really believe in the philosophy that our homes should tell the story of who we are and started trying to identify different spaces that I wanted to include in the book -- and also different people and their stories so that our readers could understand the design decisions that they made -- everyone was so forthcoming and open with me that the genesis of the book started to change. I thought, "You know what? My home really does tell the story of who I am and where I've been and who I've loved and what I've lost and what I've learned." It seemed like the right time to put pen to paper and really kind of express how I've been living my own philosophy as well.

AE: Your book covers, in part, how your aesthetic as a designer has shifted in the years following the tsunami. Can you talk about that change?

NB: I always was drawn to vintage things, collecting things, and finding things with a little bit of soul and patina. I always reached for the found object as opposed to what everybody else was doing, and I never really understood why. I've also always been really interested in crafts and in things that are made in different countries. Whenever I've traveled throughout my life, I've always wanted to go to local markets to bring home things for my home as opposed to souvenir shops, or whatever other options people have when they're traveling. What's been different for me [since 2004] is that the world expanded, and so now I've been able to visit places I never thought I'd get to see. I could find things I never knew existed. Eight years ago, I may have been more concerned with what was more appropriate or "correct" in a space or interior. Now I really don't have any of that anymore. For me it's all about the object and the pieces and the individual moments and the memories they hold, the stories I associate with everything.

AE: Do you have any particularly bizarre curios you've picked up? Maybe stuff you wouldn't have grabbed eight years ago?

NB:Oh, anything woven I'm very much drawn to. Any sort of basketry, Native American baskets, things like that I'm always reaching for. Textiles, Mexican embroidery, Mexican blankets, anything made out of a natural material I've always been really drawn to. Metals! I remember the last time I was in Thailand in Chiang Mai, the midnight market was open, and I could actually have dinner there, get a couple of drinks, and then go shopping! It was unbelievable. I brought back lots of brass, lots of metallic things. That's always been an enormous part of what I love to do. I'm heading to Peru in a month, and I've never been. I can't wait to see the wool and the alpaca and the things that are from there. And bring back a ton of it!

AE: You visit plenty of interesting homes in the book. Which was the most surprisingly insightful?

NB:There's a woman in Martha, Texas, and she's living in a home that was a converted dance hall. It's decidedly modern and incredibly minimal, but she truly only lives with things that matter to her. The editing that she applied to her spaces, and to everything -- to her dish soap, to what clothes are hanging in the movable closet with five articles of clothing hanging there, the pared-down way that she lives with so few things, but things that have such importance to her -- that's something I really admired.

AE: In a clip from your upcoming interview with Oprah, you reflect on a very direct conversation you had with your father about your sexual orientation. It was impressively straightforward. Did that change the way in which you related to him thereafter?

NB:In my family, we speak very frankly and clearly and directly. I think I'm not in the habit of having conversations like that with my dad, but since that conversation, it really did change the way we communicate with each other. I think there's always, regardless of whether you're gay or straight, that moment where you can catch in your parents' expression that they have a new-found respect for the person you've become. For me, that was definitely one of those moments.

AE: You have some pretty ardent gay fans. Can you think of times they've memorably reached out to you? A significant standout?

NB:Let me think about that for a second. [Pauses.] The first time I really connected to a gay fanbase was when I came home from the tsunami and Fernando had died. I had received so many different letters from people around the country who either shared with me what they had been through or also, most importantly letters from kids who came out as a result of watching Oprah's show. What many of them said was that they knew they were gay, but they didn't have the courage to come out. They said that watching a love between two men presented in the way that Oprah presented it -- which is how it should be presented -- as a love affair that could be true love or a true relationship regardless of gender, made them realize they didn't want to live their lives in a way that could potentially mean they'd miss out on the same things for themselves. For me, that was one of the most meaningful things that could come out of that. Because for me, I don't consider myself a role model. I don't try and be -- I'm not an expert in everything. I am a decorator who has made my career and my life about my work and my relationships, and this book was the first time that I realized that both of those things were very much intertwined. My sexuality has always been, for me, one aspect of who I am. I'm also Jewish, I'm also 5'9, I'm also the brother of four younger siblings, so for me it was a part of who I am, but I never led with it. But once I came out in college, I never hid it. I think if that has helped people watching me in the media or in the public eye over the years, that's something that I think is really wonderful.

AE: Also in that conversation about your dad, you mention how you believe being gay is not a choice, which is certainly logical, but some have argued that your wording suggests you woudn't have chosen being gay for yourself, if given the choice. Can you clarify that?

NB:Yeah. I mean, of course. First of all, I would never change being gay. I love being gay. I love my life. It's not something that I would choose to change if I could, but what I meant by that statement was that there's bigotry, there's hatred, there's challenge associated with it. There are children who are committing suicide every day in our country because they're gay and they're being bullied for it. No one, I think, would choose to be part of a group that still faces all of that bigotry, all of this hatred, all of these challenges. I certainly wouldn't have chosen that for myself because I didn't want to have to face what all of us still face today. However, because I believed that I was born gay, I also felt it was important to live my life in a manner that was positive and respectful and accept that I couldn't change it about myself and create a life with the knowledge of my sexuality that would be fulfilling and happy.I mean, family is really important to me, but because I'm gay, that doesn't mean it's a different priority. I probably will have children. I want to have children. I've gone from committed relationship to committed relationship in my life. That's what works for me.

AE: Eight years later, the story of how you lost Fernando is so unthinkable. Is its extraordinary sadness too impossible to revisit often, or do you find yourself going back and learning from it even now?

NB:I learn from it every day. I still think about it -- not every day, but very, very frequently. It has helped me become a better boyfriend now. People have always asked that age-old question, "Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" I feel that relationship prepared me to be the best version of myself in future relationships.

AE: In recent years there's been plenty of popular media about natural catastrophes, some of it very well-regarded. That new movie The Impossible with Naomi Watts comes to mind. Have you tried watching any of that?

NB:That I can't do. It's interesting. I have sort of a fascination. I haven't seen The Impossible. I want to watch it; I really want to see it, if anything just to see if it reads to me accurately. I'm so, so curious about it, but I can't picture myself sitting down to actually watch the film. I just feel like it would be too painful and too difficult.

AE: In the clip from Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, you seem calmer than ever when you're talking to her. Recently I've associated her with the Lance Armstrong interview, where he's obviously terrified. How has your relationship with Oprah so evolved that you can chitchat freely and candidly with her on air?

NB: I mean, what occurred to me was that I was standing in the shower in Chicago that morning [of the interview], and I wasn't nervous or wary or -- what's a good word to describe this? -- cautious. I wasn't second-guessing anything about that interview. If anything I was anticipating being with a person who I know very, very well, who I've spent over 12 years getting to know, who I consider a dear friend and a mentor, somebody who I admire, love, and respect. It was about being able to sit down with her and almost just check in. For me, it had nothing to do with us being on television, though the cameras were rolling. We were in the studio without an audience, just the two of us talking. For me it was a really beautiful conversation and a beautiful moment.

AE: It makes me miss your easygoing presence on your talk show. Do you miss that consistent televised forum?

NB:I really don't! [Laughs.] I don't miss it. I'm grateful I had the opportunity, but I'm working on a couple of other things right now. I'm an optimistic person, and I think one of the keys to success is always to know what's coming next. That's always been something that drives me in life, especially professionally. I'm actually in a really good place with the fact that the show's no longer on the air.

Check out Nate's interview with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday Sunday, February 10 and February 17 11-12pm ET/PT on OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network.