Navigating Your First Gay Cruise: A Roadmap

Happy to be headed out on your first cruise? We’ve got some tips to make it worth cheering about. Photo courtesy of Atlantis Events.

Think of a gay cruise as a floating version of Provincetown with its huge range of visitors, activities, restaurants, and entertainment, and you start to have an idea of what to look forward to on a gay cruise. In fact, on many of today’s gigantic, modern ships, with deck upon deck of lounges, bars, theaters, restaurants, fitness centers, and spas, there are even more options at sea than there are at many land-based resorts, including surfing simulators, rock-climbing walls, and even an ice-skating rink. Still, from the variety of destinations visited to working out during heavy seas and lifeboat drills there are aspects of life at sea that are unlike any other vacation you’ve ever taken. Some awareness of these will help you enjoy your upcoming cruise even more.

Know before you go
You won’t have a lot of storage space in your cabin so don’t overpack and use soft-sided or collapsible luggage. Pack plenty of personal items — sunscreen, personal lubricant, condoms, motion discomfort medication pills, etc. Though they’re available on board, the selection may be limited and the prices high, as are other necessities such as memory cards, and batteries. Pack a travel alarm clock (most cabins don’t have one) and a portable music player. Cabins have TVs but usually no source of music. If budget permits, book a cabin with balcony. Having a quiet place to escape to — especially if you have a cabin mate — can really make a great vacation that much nicer.

Read through the cruise itinerary for special events and parties like the “White Party,” “Mardi Gras Party,” or “Undersea Party.” Pack items corresponding to these themes. You may think it seems silly, but pretty much everyone dresses up for every event whether it’s a simple strand of Mardi Gras beads or an elaborate costume. You may feel left out if you’re not participating. That said, remember the cabin’s limited closet space so pack efficiently. Ask yourself if you really need two pairs of cowboy boots!

Check out the ship’s deck plan on the website of the cruise provider, the cruise ship or even of one of the may cruise websites for consumers, like CruiseCritic to get familiar with the stunning array of features and amenities on board.

Photo courtesy of RSVP Vacations.

If you have medications that need refrigeration, ask about the availability of a refrigerator in your room, or bring a small cooler with you — there is plenty of ice on board. Pack some water, and pick some up at each port. It can be expensive on board.

You will likely read some very strict warnings about bringing or using illegal drugs aboard ship. Heed them. That said, people do it. You’re not likely to be searched getting on the ship (although luggage is X-rayed and drug-sniffing dogs often patrol the boarding area), but you can be put off the ship if you’re caught using drugs. Your cabin is also subject to search by customs officials at any port. This has happened, and passengers have been fined. Finally, there is always a chance you will be searched by U.S. Customs disembarking a ship at a U.S. port. Don’t ever risk taking illicit substances back into the United States with you.

Read up on the destinations you will be visiting. There is usually one stop on major gay cruises in the Caribbean that’s for the exclusive use of the cruise ship or cruise line. In addition though you’ll visit other ports where you are free to travel on your own or on an organized excursion. While excursions can be an easy (though sometimes pricey) way to discover a new destination, if you feel adventurous, it can be fun to explore on your own. CruiseCritic is also a great source of information on activities besides those sold as cruise excursions on board.

Have business cards made up with your picture, cabin number, cell phone number, Manhunt handle, e-mail address, and hometown. With gay cruises becoming bigger and bigger, it’s more and more difficult to keep track of new friends on board and more and more likely you may never see that hottie you spied at the “Sail Away” party. If you see someone, introduce yourself and hand him your card. Carpe diem. Chances are much better that you’ll be able to find him later in the cruise.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
Buy travel insurance, especially if you live in a cold climate or going overseas, and double check that your health insurance will be good in foreign countries. If not, not consider purchasing travel guard health insurance, you never know when you will break a heel. Do call your credit card company in advance to check on foreign transaction fees and other fees for using your credit card outside the country in a port.
-Jeff G., Philadelphia

Beware of cell phone roaming charges. More and more ships are offering cellular phone service at sea, but sometime they assess roaming charges or tack other fees on to your bill. Be sure to check with your particular cruise line before you sail.
-Steve R., Los Angeles

All aboard!
Ships usually board between noon and 4 p.m. on the day of departure. If you don’t want to wait in a long line to check in, you should arrive shortly after halfway through the boarding. That said, it’s really fun to board early. With gay cruises, the minute passengers step foot on board, they are on holiday, ready to socialize, interact, and meet future ex-boyfriends. The earlier you get there, the more time you have to relax, eat, drink, meet others, and explore the ship.

Pack anything vital (medicines, cameras, wallet) in your carry-on luggage, as well as anything that might make your first few hours more comfortable, such as shorts or a sweatshirt, depending on the weather.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
Pack everything you need for your first 8 hours on ship in your carry-on. It’s possible your luggage won’t be delivered until after dinner. Go ahead and take your over 3 oz toiletries from your airline checked luggage and move them to your carry-on before you recheck the luggage with the cruise line.
-Billy K., New York

If you’re not in a suite, most cruise lines have liquid soap/shampoo dispensers in the bathroom. Throw in a bar of soap and a small bottle of your favorite shampoo.
-Gregg K., New York

Orientation
First things first: Grab the ship map available in your cabin or at the front desk and take a walking tour of the public areas of the ship. Many cruisers are surprised to learn about all the features and amenities onboard. There’s usually a movie cinema; a library where you can check out books and pick up a daily news extract; a fitness center; a clothing-optional sunbathing area; a business center; a cigar lounge; lots of intimate off-the-beaten path nooks to drink and socialize or read in calm; and much more. You’ll feel more oriented and confident once you tour through the entire ship.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIPS:
On the Solstice by Celebrity Cruises (being used by Atlantis Events), there is an interactive display in the ship’s library that is an amazing overview of the ship. Check this out as soon as you can at the beginning of the cruise.
-Justin G, San Francisco.

You can’t possibly do everything so it is important to identify a few things you might like to do each day. Then, always be prepared to just go with the flow and possibly changes plans.
-Art R., Boston

There are a few details you should take care of as soon as you get on board: Spa and beauty treatment appointments book up quickly; if you want to schedule a massage, haircut, or manicure, do it now. The spa treatments can be expensive but, hey, this is your vacation, and you want to look and feel your best. Many specialty restaurants also require advance booking, often they have a supplemental charge of $10 to 20 or more per person but they are usually well worth it for the better selection of food, more intimate setting and more personalized service. These are also a great place to impress a business client or date.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
Book your outings as early as possible. We missed out on a couple good snorkeling excursions and long kayak trips because they were full.
-Johnny O., Ft. Lauderdale

If you bring your laptop, splurge for the no-limit Internet usage program. Most of today’s ships have wireless coverage across much of the ship. The no-limit program seems pricey but you’ll be surprised at how quickly minutes click by on the pay-per-minute plans. Plus Internet access at sea can be very tricky with the signal unavailable at times and the service very slow at peak times.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
On the first day, you are required to don the giant orange life vests that otherwise will remain stuffed in the back of your cabin’s closet and assemble for the mandatory fire drill. Take your camera. It’s an important drill but it really is funny seeing everyone in these puffy orange vests.
-Eddie O., Paris, France

Photo courtesty of Atlantis Events.

Who’s who
Be sure to go to the first “Sail Away,” which is the perfect time to start scouting out for potential dates.

You may be surprised at the diversity in age and body types on most gay men’s cruises given the ads depicting mostly lean, buff young men. There are plenty of these, of course, but you’ll find folks from 21 to 90 of all races; folks who love to party; others who prefer peace and quiet and everything in between.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
Get that body fit and trim. You’ll be surrounded by thousands of men. There is no better way to enjoy a vacation than to feel the best you can. So, hit the gym and get your body into the best shape you can.
-Dane S., New York

Among the major gay cruise companies, Atlantis and RSVP cruises welcome women and you often get a small percentage of them (straight and lesbian) on board. And they’re fun. Olivia is all women and only women. While Sweet welcomes men, there are very few on board. R Family Vacations caters primarily to gay and lesbian families and their straight friends and family.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
Pack 3×5 index cards. Trying to communicate on the ship is one of the 7 levels of hell. Index cards are stiff enough to slip under cabin doors and allow for quick notes back and forth to help coordinate between members of a group. And they slip easily into purses and pockets.
-Leyla F., Los Angeles

Eating out
Onboard dining continues to expand and evolve on most cruise ships, especially the most modern and up-to-date vessels. Atlantis offers their signature open seating and no dress code for dining, which many frequent cruisers find to be a refreshing change from the formality found on many mainstream cruises.

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIPS:
Try all the food venues on the ship and pick the few where you feel most comfortable. (It’s nice to have at least one thing seem cozy and predictable.)
-Johnny O., Ft. Lauderdale

Book a specialty restaurant the first night of your cruise: they usually have a special on the first night of the cruise (2 for 1 sometimes!)
-Gregg K., New York

On some cruises the primary dining rooms may have early or late seating options in which case dinner is served in two shifts, and on some sailings you are assigned to one of them for the duration of your cruise. Take the plunge and opt for a big table, which usually has eight seats. It’s more fun. You can always change your table later if you don’t like the company. Most entertainment is also done in two shifts, with an early and late performance to match your dining option.

Seating assignments (main or late) really affect dinner only, since breakfast and lunch in the dining rooms are sparsely attended. Most ships also offer at least one alternate dining option, such as a casual buffet that you can eat at almost any hour of the day. If there’s an appetizer, entrée, or dessert you really like, don’t be ashamed to ask for seconds. And if someone at your table is enjoying something you think you’d like better, go ahead and ask for a replacement. Your waiter will be happy to comply. Don’t forget too that most ships offer late or even all-night cabin service that’s usually free. So, binge away! (There’s also a great gym on board so you can burn off the calories later.)

FIRST-TIME CRUISER TIP:
The first few days are always intense with every dirty dog smelling each other and that cruising energy is overwhelming. I say smile, and say hello to everyone, and it all will get easier to deal with. Many people are dying to engage in conversation and to have others join them at their dining table
-Art R., Boston

Photo courtesy of RSVP Vacations.

What to wear
Dress is very casual most of the time on ship, and at the ports of call. According to recent first-time cruiser Jeff G., “You will spend most of your time in bathing suit and casual wear.” At night on some cruises, you may be expected to dress up a little (long pants and a collared shirt for men and something equally neat for women). Only a few passengers dress up beyond that. Some cruises still offer formal nights, and about half of the ship will really dress up on those nights. Bring a sweater or sweatshirt (it can be cool at night even in the Caribbean or Hawaii), a lightweight rain jacket, and plenty of shorts, swimsuits, and T-shirts and a small backpack. Some cruise companies offer guests a complimentary bag (with the company’s logo), which you can use during the cruise.

Working out
Most modern cruise ships have extraordinarily well-equipped and spacious gyms with all the latest cardio equipment and plenty of dumbbells and barbells and even classes (spinning, aerobics, and yoga, etc.) The gym is usually very crowded at the beginning of the cruise and gets less and less so as the week progresses. Dedicated fitness enthusiasts should go early in the morning before the late-ish morning crowd appears. Beware lifting weights during heavy seas as the weights can be very difficult to control.

Motion discomfort
The good news is that it’s not something most people have to worry about, if you take the right precautions. Motion discomfort is caused when the fluid in your inner ear and your eyes send conflicting messages to your brain about which way is up. Modern ships have stabilizers, which help minimize the pitching and rolling that can cause the problem in the first place. Experts recommend getting out on deck and watching the horizon to stave off impending sickness. Sea-Bands are elastic and plastic wristbands that use an acupressure point to prevent seasickness. You have to have them on before you start feeling ill for them to work, however. If you’re prone to motion discomfort, you should consider medication as well. Over-the-counter medications Dramamine and Bonine both work reliably, although some Dramamine formulas cause drowsiness (which, if you’re already sick, can sometimes be a blessed relief). The Scopolamine patch is still an option best left for those who know they will get sick, or who know they can tolerate it. The side effects can be significant.

Hooking up
If getting laid is important to you, you shouldn’t need much help on an all-gay cruise, but here are a few tips. Many of these ships are big, and you can go for days without seeing someone. If you’re interested in someone, seize the moment. The pool decks tend to attract more of the younger, party crowd, and things tend to get friskier after dark. Now we don’t want to seem prudish here, and we like sex al fresco as much as anyone, but more than a modicum of discretion is appropriate here. (What would happen if everyone tried to get it on in a lifeboat?) Have a great time, but have consideration for your fellow passengers and the crew.

For those of you who are worried that there’s going to be too much sex going on around you, don’t. The atmosphere on these trips can be sexually charged, but rarely overtly sexual. That’s really not what these cruises are about.

Sadly bidding farewell
The end of the cruise is a series of harsh realities, although there are a few ways to ease your transition. Your charge privileges generally end the night before your cruise (so carry your wallet), and a final accounting will be delivered to your room. This is when you find out how quickly those bar bills add up! Luggage to be carried off by the porters must be packed, properly tagged with the color-coded tags you are given by the cruise company, and placed outside your cabin door, generally by midnight. On large ships, when it’s time to disembark, you will generally be assigned to a holding area on the ship based on your luggage tag color, and will have to wait until your color is called to disembark. Count on sitting for an hour, maybe longer. If you’re impatient, you can carry your own luggage and walk off when you feel like it. Some cruises are moving toward a hotel-style checkout.

As you disembark, first-time cruisers are always shocked to see how many people they see for the first time as they are leaving. This underscores how important it is to seize the moment during the cruise. If you see someone you think you’d like to get to know, hand them your cabin card, and be sure to write down their cabin.