Neil Patrick Harris’ New York Home Is So Perfect, I’m Offended

neil patrick harris

Lunchtime poll: Who does Neil Patrick Harris think he is?

The actor-emcee-magician recently opened up his New York City home to Architectural Digest and said home is perfect. It is literally perfect. It is so perfect, it offends me. I am offended.

Take the video tour below if you think I’m overreacting.

The brownstone was built in 1904, and it is located in Harlem. Neil shares the residence with his perfect husband, David Burtka, and their two perfect children, [choir of angels] and [Whitney Houston’s “AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-EE-IIIIII–” after the key change].

“What’s harder,” Burtka muses, “raising two 4-year-olds or renovating a home?”

“Doing both simultaneously,” Harris replies. A good laugh is had by all. Except for me.

Neil and David have modernized many aspects of their home. For example, they are now in possession of the single biggest kitchen island of all time. It is the Greenland of kitchen islands. No man is an island, but this island could be two men in an island costume.

Think about that while you lie awake in bed tonight, alone. Even if you’re not literally alone, you might as well be since your house doesn’t have a “magic office.” You’ll shiver under your blanket as a cool draught slips underneath the cracks of your windows, only to turn right back around because it would rather blow through Neil Patrick Harris’ Harlem brownstone instead.

For more of Neil Patrick Harris’ unadulterated success, tune in to ABC on Sunday, February 22, to watch him host the 87th Annual Academy Awards.

I am sure he will do a perfect job.