[caption id="attachment_96844" align="aligncenter" width="623"] The pretty young Sarsgard of "Hemlock Grove"[/caption]

If House of Cards and the incipient return of Arrested Development have made you worry that Netflix's original series are going to be nothing but high-minded, Emmy-friendly art, then you can finally relax. Netflix is also going to serve you bloody sex, possible incest, and at least one guy who has a wolf climbing out of his mouth.

Thank god, right? When things get too classy, I feel like I should wrap a cummerbund around my pajama pants before I spend an entire Saturday streaming shows to my laptop.

So anyway: Netflix's new series is a horror drama called Hemlock Grove, and all 13 episodes will drop on Friday. It's based on a novel about a young girl who is brutally murdered---possibly by a monster---and the blend of outcasts and wealthy freaks who try to track down her killer. As you can see from the show's NSFW trailer, the result is creepy, scary, and apparently obsessed with gory sex.

But it also seems like the show will be intentionally campy. It doesn't hurt that it's produced by Eli Roth, who is basically the king of over-the-top splatter horror, and there's even more proof in the trailer's very first frame:

I mean, damn! They are promising fornication, fellatio, lesbian necrophilia, and violent hemorrhaging. You don't use such weirdly specific language unless you're not taking yourself very seriously, you know? It's not like lesbian necrophilia is such a common trope in dramatic television that it needs to be specifically cited in a warning for mature audiences. (Unless ABC Family's programming has gotten really intense and nobody told me.)

Of course, it's also obvious that the show is going to be suuuuuper bloody, with bones and guts and corpses just flying all over the place. That means I may not end up watching it. I'm all for horror and such, but I prefer psychological intensity to people vomiting on screen. (Also, does the world really need another story about the violent death of a young white woman? Just once, couldn't it be a young man who dies? Or an old woman? Or an Asian man? Or something? Will we ever stop using white, young women as the symbols for everything good and pure in our society that can be destroyed? And I'll bet you a Shamrock Shake that we'll find out this young woman was actually a whore. Nothing is more "morally damning" than a symbol of innocence being revealed as a sham, and in stories like this, that always means a white woman has to be punished with death because she had the audacity to feel sexual feelings without the prior approval of her husband of father.)

But you know... hey. Maybe this show will be good. It has a fascinating cast, including Famke Janssen, Lili Taylor, and Stellan Skarsgård's son, and the effects look cool. If you guys watch it and enjoy it, then let me know. I'm sure I can find a spare Sunday to curl around my laptop and watch some lesbian werewolves or whatever.

Previously: This Dove ad is kind of mind blowing

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Mark Blankenship is more afraid of gross roaches than werewolves. He tweets as @IAmBlankenship