Two new surveys offer some surprising findings about gay men and their sexual behavior.

The first, conducted by British gay health charity GMFA, surveyed nearly 1,000 respondents about infidelity, with 58% stating they had been unfaithful. (Interestingly, only 45% said their partner found out.)

But "unfaithful" is a vague term, researchers also asked respondents to define infidelity: The biggest no-nos were anal sex (79%), blow jobs (76%), hand jobs (74%), and kissing (66%), though 68% said breaking the rules of an open relationship constituted cheating, as well. Other offenses included using hookup apps (55%), sharing sexual images (43%), and sending private messages (34%).

Of those surveyed, 18% felt that flirting constituted cheating, a small number compared to the 62% who felt being emotionally intimate with someone besides your partner constituted infidelity. Slightly more than 60% said they'd break up with their boyfriend if they found out he was unfaithful.

Of course the study wasn't peer-reviewed, and the results were self-reported: Even with anonymous surveys, people are less likely to admit to cheating, so the report probably underrepresented how many guys are stepping out on their men.

Another survey, this one conducted by Bespoke Surgical, asked 300 respondents about anal sex. Of the gay men interviewed, 13% reported having anal daily, while 39% said they have it a few times a week. In this instance, respondents might have been overstating the frequency with which they have sex, though 16% said they'd never had anal sex.

The majority of respondents (39%) identified as tops, with 33% saying they were versatile, and just 29% identifying as bottoms. As just about any bottom will tell you, this simply doesn't add up.

But the desire to present a certain sexual position, at least on a survey, is fairly telling about fragile masculinity.