It was confirmed today that pop-rapstress and newly anointed American Idol judge Nicki Minaj was about to take on yet another role: that of a reality TV star. Pretty weird, if you ask me. Weird someone already quite confident and successful in music, poised to star on one of TV’s biggest reality contest shows, would need yet another outlet. Be that as it may, Minaj is ready to further exploit her own realness. “More of a miniseries,” they say. But with the wild success of reality shows across the board, we think she could do better.
1. Keeping Up With the Minajians: Nicki, her two brothers, Makiya and Jelani, and her mother Nina all move into a Queens mansion, where they team up to support the launch of “Minaj Melange”–a homewear line at Crate & Barrel. Nina’s new husband, former Olympic athlete Jessie Owens, moves in with his three teenage girls and affinity for shuffleboard. Nina attempts to jump start Makiya’s acting career, all while co-hosting a call-in talk show on Sirius with Jelani. After Nicki starts dating Drake (again), the whole family rallies around the cause, and Drake appears on a few episodes during the season three arc, un-mic’d.
(Or she could just play every character. That’s fine.)
2. America’s Next Top Minaj: Nicki sets out on a countrywide search to find her new Young Money protegé, along with fellow judges Christina Milian, Tyga and Willow Smith. Contestants battle through various tests–including freestyle rapping, performance walking and wig selection. The winner receives a $500 contact with MAC Cosmetics, a cover and six-page fashion spread in XXL Magazine and a spot opening for Mack Maine on his next worldwide tour.
3. The Bad Nickis Club: Nicki, Azealia Banks, Rye Rye, Iggy Azaelia and Angel Haze all move into a Miami estate. Soon after the premiere, the Azealias get into a fistfight and are kicked off the show. They are quickly replaced by Lil’ Kim and Foxy Brown, but both last for only two episodes afterward. Queen Latifah replaces the both and the show is soon cancelled after the remaining four get along swimmingly, doing a run of sold out shows at the Klipsch Amphitheater.
4. The Bachelorette: Nicki Minaj is The Bachelorette. That’s all.
Lindsey Weber’s favorite reality TV show is currently MTV’s Gallery Girls. Nicki should look into that, too.