Our first expert, a very heterosexual and very native Londoner, wasted no time telling us how every gay in sight can’t help but hit on him back home, and then kind of answered our question. Over some bangers and mash he wrote; “About 2 weeks ago I was at this bar ordering a drink. I happened to be on a first date. Which by the way was horrendous — we went to this Mexican place for dinner and the more she drank, the less food she actually got in her mouth. Gross. I was the one that ended up babysitting which has to be a first. Needless to say, she didn’t get the D. But I digress… So I was ordering her a drink and the guy next to me just turns around and says, ‘You’re fit.’ I told him that was quite sweet and continued to order but he wouldn’t let it go, checking me out, up and down. I thought he was joking at first. He asked if I was embarrassed about it and I just explained it was rather flattering and that I was on a date. He was actually a little aggressive and tried to grab my hand, he was short and totally not my type. Then, when he realised [ed. note: That is how you know this is a Brit, those foolish spellings!] I was with a girl, he finally asked if I was straight, to which I replied ‘Yes.’ He looked at me with disgust and told me to, “Go fu*k myself”. Charming. So I guess London gays are an aggressive bunch of miscreants that know what they want and have no shame in asking for it.” Both this girl and this troll gay sound awful.
Then, nothing. Literally no one responded to our emails on how gay London was, making us think the place is super straight or very closeted.
Eventually, in a moment of desperation, we reached out to a friend on GChat and learned she actually spent a semester abroad in London. Score! Also, the place sounds totally gay. Of her time across the pond she said; “They made a musical out of the music of Queen called We Will Rock You, and i fuc*ing love Queen, like, I will fully admit it, and this show was SO BAD. Yet, it ran forever because people love Queen and Freddie [Mercury].” Queen?! Gay.
That’s not all either. Our friend even got in on some gay action. “I had my first gay husband while there, although that was mostly because fate set me up to room next to a kid from Vassar.” She did not elaborate however, making us assume a gay divorce may have recently happened.
Wanting a third opinion, we were finally forced to call a friend under the guise of wishing her a Happy Birthday and beg for a quote. All we got was, “I don’t know. They love musical theater?”
Sounds pretty gay to us. So go get at it male athletes of the XXX Olympiad.