Officials in a small Polish town have banned images of Winnie the Pooh from being used to decorate a local playground, citing the cartoon's "dubious sexuality" and lack of lower wardrobe as "wholly inappropriate for children."

The Croatian Times reports local town councillors in Tuszyn reached the decision quickly, leaving plenty of time to speculate about Pooh's sexuality and the "disturbing" circumstances that inspired Winnie the Pooh author Alan Alexander Milne to create such a character.

"It doesn't wear underpants because it doesn't have a sex. It's a hermaphrodite," one councilor is heard saying on a recorded audio track from the meeting, reportedly leaked to local press.

"It is half naked which is wholly inappropriate for children," Councillor Ryszard Cichy said, offering a similar Polish cartoon bear as a Pooh replacement. "Ours is dressed from head to toe, unlike Pooh who is only dressed from the waist up."

As if the discussion were not ridiculous enough, Councillor Hanna Jachimska hypothesized "the author was over 60 and cut his [Pooh's] testicles off with a razor blade because he had a problem with his identity."

The councillors have yet to decide which character is more suitable for the park, but it's safe to say it will not be Winnie the Pooh. Or Donald Duck. Or Alvin and the Chipmunks. Or Porky Pig. Or Squidward from Spongebob. Or Little Bear. Or Sonic the Hedgehog.