Pop Star Down. Where in the new Universal “Battleship” Trailer is Rihanna?”

Not Rihanna.

I’m assuming that for most of the time Universal’s exciting new action movie based on a board game, BATTLESHIP, [emphasis mine] was shooting, Rihanna was nowhere to be found. Time and time again, the crew would ask “Where’s RiRi?” only to be met with puzzled glances and unknowing shrugs.

Then, a palm tree would shake in the distance. A few feet would eventually be seen under the leaves, and then a whole grass skirt, and then a shot of bright, red hair. It was Rihanna. Fulfilling her insatiable thirst for that sweet nectar of the gods trapped within every coconut. And the director of Universal’s new action-packed, cinematic interpretation of a popular board game would ask himself, “Why?” “Why did I decide to shoot a movie with a Rihanna on this tropical island paradise?” And then Rihanna would be all, “What’s my name again, you guys?” And then Alexander Skaarsgard would be like, “Where am I? Sookie?”

Or at least that’s the only reason I can come up with as to why America’s loudest pop star is only in 2 seconds of the new BATTLESHIP trailer. Seriously, Brooklyn Decker gets more screen time. Has she ever performed with Britney Spears? No. Anyways, check out the trailer below for “Brooklyn Decker and Aliens.”