Ranking The 20 Hottest Men On “The Facts Of Life”

The Facts Of Life was the original Sex & The City. Jo = Carrie, Blair = Samantha (albeit more … virginal), Natalie = Miranda, and Tootie = Charlotte. And Mrs. Garrett, of course, is Stanford Blanch.

Like the men on SATC, the men who came and went on The Facts of Life were always beside the point, as the heart of both shows was the friendship between the four ladies. Sure, the men were a good time, and most of the women were happily in relationships at the end of the show’s run, but the guys were superfluous, as evidenced by the number of guest stars over the nine season run.

Logo TV is currently running the 80’s classic, so let’s take a look at some of the hottest guys who entered (and in most cases, quickly left) the lives of Blair, Jo, Natalie, and Tootie. As you can see, one thing is certain about these men … the amount of softcore porn they went on to star in.

Prepare for feathered hair and tight jeans galore. Oh, and George Clooney is not #1

20. Richard Grieco

Season 9 Episode 22 Big Apple Blues (originally aired March 19, 1988)

SYNOPSIS: “Natalie finds an apartment in the Soho district of New York, living with several eccentric characters.”

Richard starred in the penultimate episode of the series, which was a potential pilot for a spinoff about Natalie’s adventures in NYC (David Spade was also a fellow roomie). Although it wasn’t picked up, Richard did go on to fame on 21 Jump Street and his own series Booker.

SOFTCORE: Mutual Needs, Sexual Predator

19. Sam Behrens

Season 9 Episode 23 The Beginning Of The Beginning (originally aired April 30, 1988)

SYNOPSIS: “When Blair discovers that Eastland Academy is in dire financial straits, she decides not to go to law school but buy it and save it from closing.”

Sam guest starred on the Series Finale, which was also the pilot for a new Facts of Life generation (and co-starred Juliette Lewis, Seth Green, and Mayim Bialik as the new kids). He and Blair clashed, but it was clear they were meant for each other … but the new show was not picked up. Sam (who has been married to Shari Belafonte for almost 20 years) is best known for Knots Landing, Ryan’s Hope and Sunset Beach.

SOFTCORE: None

18. Gary Hudson

Season 4 Episode 13 Magnificent Obsession (originally aired January 12, 1983)

SYNOPSIS: “Jo is concerned by Blair’s infatuation with a boy who treats her poorly.”

Gary played the boy in question (though he was 26), and it was bizarre seeing a young Gary after watching him in dozens and dozens of TV shows and films over the years.

SOFTCORE: Hungry For You, Sexual Intent, Indecent Behavior

17. D.W. Brown

Season 3 Episode 23 Jo’s Cousin (originally aired April 14, 1982)

SYNOPSIS: “Jo visits her relatives in New Jersey, where her tomboyish 14-year-old cousin Terry puts on a dress and makeup to impress a boy.”

In this backdoor pilot for a possible series, Jo visits her uncle and cousins, including hot cousin Bud, played by D.W. He went on to various roles in episodic TV, and still acts (and directs) occasionally.

SOFTCORE: Weekend Pass

16. Peter Fox

Season 2 Episode 1 The New Girl, Part One (originally aired November 19, 1980)

SYNOPSIS: “A new student, Jo Polniaczek, arrives at Eastland.”

New girl Jo and Blair escape Eastland and head to the Chug-A-Lug, where they both hit on an undercover cop, played by Peter. Natalie pushes him and Tootie dumps a pitcher of beer on him, and they’re all arrested! Peter has had a long career in Hollywood, with guest shots on practically every TV show of the 80’s.

SOFTCORE: None, but he did bare all in the 1980 trash classic Mother’s Day

15. Michael Harrington

Season 4 Episode 16 Let’s Party (originally aired February 9, 1983)

SYNOPSIS: “Tootie defends her brother Marshall after he drives the girls home from a party after having five beers.”

Michael starred on a VERY SPECIAL EPISODE as frat guy Paul, who joins the girls with Tootie’s brother for a weekend of drinking. A lesson is learned. Michael (who is the grandson of One Day At A Time’s Pat Harrington) acted throughout the 80’s and 90’s, ending with Gilmore Girls in 2001.

SOFTCORE: None, sadly.

14. Ryan Cassidy

Season 6 Episode 21 Man In The Attic (originally aired February 27, 1985)

SYNOPSIS: “Kevin moves into the attic and quickly becomes a nuisance to the girls.”

Before there was George, there was Ryan Cassidy. Joining the cast for five episodes in Season 6, he was the Poochie of the show. But that hair! That glorious hair. Ryan is the son of Shirley Jones and the brother of Shaun, Patrick and David Cassidy. He now works behind the scenes as a set dresser.

SOFTCORE: None.

13. Greg Bradford

Season 1 Episode 8 The Facts Of Love (originally aired April 4, 1980)

SYNOPSIS: “To the chagrin of the headmaster, Mrs. Garrett holds a sex education class. Meanwhile Blair gets into a compromising situation with a boy and has to make a tough decision.”

Greg made three appearances in the first season as delivery boy Steve, and brought his Christopher Atkins attitude and phenomenal hair helmet with him.

SOFTCORE: He bared all in Let’s Do It!

12. Jeffrey Rogers

Season 4 Episode 20 Who’s On First (originally aired March 30, 1983)

SYNOPSIS: “When Natalie starts spending all her free time with a boy she likes, Tootie gets so jealous that when she picks up a call from him about their upcoming study date, she lies to Natalie and tells her that he canceled it.”

Jeffrey played the boy in question. Sadly, Jeffrey has few credits to his name, but he’ll always be remembered by horror fans for playing the hand-walking Andy in Friday The 13th, Part III.

SOFTCORE: None

11. Christopher Durham

Season 6 Episode 3 Love At First Byte (originally aired October 17, 1984)

SYNOPSIS: “Natalie secretly signs Blair and Jo up in a computer dating service, hoping to get information she can use in a term paper.”

Christopher played the awesomely named Rex Winchester in this episode, set up by Natalie for … Natalie. Christopher made his mark in the 80’s with a number of soap opera roles, in One Life To Live, Capitol and Ryan’s Hope. He’s still acting, most recently in Madame Secretary and The Blacklist.

SOFTCORE: None, but he did pose for Playgirl!

10. George Clooney

Season 7 Episode 2 Into The Frying Pan (originally aired September 21, 1985)

SYNOPSIS: “Mrs. Garrett and the girls decide to rebuild their store into an update version of a 1950s malt shop. Mrs. Garrett hires a good-looking young carpenter, named George Burnett, to help out, but who causes more of a distraction to the rest of the ladies.”

George starred as handyman George for 17 episodes over two seasons, and well, he had to be on this list somewhere, I suppose, but the truth is … I hated the George character. He was unctuous and vaguely creepy, and I always expected the girls to come home to find he had walled up Mrs. Garrett in a crawlspace.

9. Nick Corri

Season 8 Episode 8 The Wedding Day (originally aired November 22, 1986)

SYNOPSIS: “Jo agrees to marry an illegal alien so he can get his green card.”

Nick (who now goes by the name Jsu Garcia) has been one of the hardest working character actors in Hollywood over the last thirty years, starting with the original Nightmare On Elm Street, and has three movies coming out this year.

SOFTCORE: Red Shoe Diaries, Women: Stories Of Passion, and he went full frontal in the 1986 Goldie Hawn comedy Wildcats

8. Paul Provenza

Season 9 Episode 5 Sweet Charity (originally aired November 7, 1987)

SYNOPSIS: “Jo’s looking for a job. She finds one at a community center but unfortunately the center is strapped financially so she’s not getting paid. And she clashes with the guy who runs the center.”

Stand-up comedian (he was the opening act for Diana Ross for years) Paul played the guy that Jo clashes with, but it was Blair who he started dating (appearing in five episodes of the final season). Paul had recurring roles on Empty Nest and Northern Exposure in the 90’s, and is still performing his stand-up act today.

SOFTCORE: None, but in 2002 starred in the gay-themed Fixing Frank, and gave us an eyeful.

7. Todd Hallowell

Season 5 Episode 5 What Price Glory (originally aired October 19, 1983)

SYNOPSIS: “Tootie discovers that her boyfriend Jeff, a school athlete, cannot read.”

Todd appeared for nine episodes over five seasons as Tootie’s on-off boyfriend Jeff. His credits end with The Facts of Life, but he’s probably best known for the pilot episode of The Cosby Show as the “Well, how ugly is he?” date of Denise.

SOFTCORE: None.

6. Tom Byrd

Season 4 Episode 5 Different Drummer (originally aired November 10, 1982)

SYNOPSIS: “Blair befriends a mentally handicapped artist.”

Tom appeared twice on the show, in this episode as the mentally handicapped (actually, it’s jarring to hear them repeatedly refer to him as “retarded”) Leo, and three seasons later as a completely different character. Tom had a long career in Hollywood (including his own show Boone, which lasted one season on NBC in 1983), but hasn’t had any credits since 2000.

SOFTCORE: None, but he did go full frontal in the 1989 Teri Garr comedy Out Cold.

5. David Tiefen

Season 5 Episode 1 Brave New World Part One (originally aired September 21, 1983)

SYNOPSIS: “As Blair and Jo enter Langley college, Mrs. Garrett decides to quit her job at Eastland.”

David appeared for six episodes in Season Five as Blair and Jo’s coed dorm-mate Guy, and had to endure the schoolgirl crushes of Tootie and Natalie. Sadly, David only has two other credits to his name, as “potential lifeguard” in an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, and …

SOFTCORE: Hollywood Hot Tubs 2: Educating Crystal

4. Bruce Penhall

Season 5 Episode 16 All Or Nothing (originally aired January 18, 1984)

SYNOPSIS: “Jo faces a harsh political reality when she’s elected to the Langley College Board of Regents and then battles with them.”

Bruce plays a fellow elected board member who clashes with Jo. The World Speedway Champion in 1981 and 1982, Bruce is best known for his role as Cadet Bruce on the final season of CHIPS.

SOFTCORE: Savage Beach, Guns, Do Or Die, The Dallas Connection, Enemy Gold

3. Kevin Spirtas

Season 8 Episode 7 The Ratings Game (originally aired November 15, 1986)

SYNOPSIS: “Blair has a ratings system for guys and decides to prove to Jo how accurate it is by fixing her up with a ’2’ while Blair dates a ’10’. Jo tampers with the scores to trade partners.”

Kevin (who went by the last name Blair back then) played the “10” in this episode. The actor (who has been out as a gay man for years) had guest shots on episodic TV for years (including stints on Days Of Our Lives and One Life To Live, and he’ll star in the upcoming online soap Winterthorne), and in films is probably best known for Friday The 13th VII: The New Blood. He also starred in 1996 gay-themed Green Plaid Shirt.

SOFTCORE: Who Killed Buddy Blue, Striking Resemblance, Embrace The Darkness

2. Woody Brown

Season 5 Episode 8 I’m Dancing As Fast As I Can (originally aired November 9, 1983)

SYNOPSIS: “Blair and Jo take Mrs. Garrett to a male strip club for her birthday, where Blair discovers a shocking revelation about her boyfriend”

That shocking revelation is that Blair’s boyfriend Cliff … is a stripper! It’s okay, though, he’s only doing it to put himself through med school. Woody appeared in four episodes as Blair’s boyfriend before disappearing, before returning one last time in the final season. He’s had a prolific career, including a recurring role on both seasons of Flamingo Road, and guest shots on various TV series during the 80’s and 90’s. His last appearance was on Roswell in 2002.

SOFTCORE: Secret Games 3, Animal Instincts 2

1. Grant Cramer

Season 3 Episode 23 Jo’s Cousin (originally aired April 23, 1982)

SYNOPSIS: “Jo visits her relatives in New Jersey, where her tomboyish 14-year-old cousin Terry puts on a dress and makeup to impress a boy.”

Grant plays the boy Terry was trying to impress (a bit creepy considering Grant was 21), but considering how incredibly appealing Grant was, it’s understandable. Grant would go on to star in the 80’s cult classic Killer Klowns From Outer Space (and will reprise his role in the upcoming Killer Klowns From Outer Space in 3D), and had a slew of roles in the 80’s, 90’s, and is still working today.

SOFTCORE: Grant will always be remembered by a generation of late night HBO watchers for going full frontal in the 1984 skin classic Hardbodies. How many pause buttons were destroyed for that one scene?

80's Pop Culture Expert, Shooting At The Walls Of Heartache.
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