Reality Reiterated: More Ragan on “Big Brother,” Less Ryan on “The Real World”

It’s a mixed bag for the gays this week as we have more
Ragan on Big Brother (who’s your
saboteur, baby!), less Ryan on The Real
, and I learn to appreciate – sort of – Brent on the Beekman Boys.

But Real World’s
Knight shows his homophobic side, Preston
cries because he can’t use power tools (but does Lady Gaga drag so he cares!) and
my DVR ate Project Runway so I can’t
recap what happened!

Oh, well, as long as Jujubee is present on RuPaul’s DragU, how bad can things
really be?

Big Brother

Once again, the cartoonish Head of Household competition is
down to “I tell people my wife has a disease and I’m a genius” Matt and out

Pay attention Brigade, what with your Abercrombie model,
your Jersey mobster type, and your linebacker
Texan: the gays rock. Alas, Ragan loses and resident rat boy Matt wins HoH,
putting power showmancers Brachel (don’t worry, that obnoxious nickname will
only last as long as this article) up for elimination.

L to r: Rachel, Brendon, Ragan and Matt

Ragan, a seemingly masterful floater but also a pretty nice
guy, has just been voted the new saboteur by America. He graciously accepts.

Over the next two weeks, he must perform three pranks on the
houseguests to win $20,000. With the help of viewers submitting suggestions via
Twitter and Facebook, his first two pranks are fairly simple. By prerecording
two messages — one that attempts to split Brachel up and one that leads the
houseguests to believe Brachel may not go home despite how the roommates votes —
he sits back and watches the drama unfold.

The first prank doesn’t bother Brachel but leads everyone to
believe Rachel-of-Brachel is the saboteur. The other prank, however, sends the
group reeling and provides Rachel with a moment (a very false moment) of
security. Ragan, you devil!

As Rachel cries over the pending doom of Brachel, Ragan
literally sings “hallelujah” in the confessional knowing that Rachel’s grating
laugh and hair extensions will soon be walking off into the slickly-produced

Ragan does his Rachel impression

Brendon makes an attempt to “take a bullet” for Rachel by
going apesh** on the other houseguests. At one point, he goes after Ragan in an
angry rant that’s bleeped out but we can safely assume it was about Ragan’s
sexuality. Ragan calmly tells Brendon he’s a Neanderthal.

I like you Ragan. I really
like you.

Because Brendon’s plan only serves to make him powerless in
the house, the group sends our cocktail waitress/chemist Rachel home and Ragan
makes it another week. Watch your back, Brigade.

Real World

This week, the show is mercifully light on Ryan. Not to
worry, his few moments are filled with the usual bits of Ryan gems we’ve come
to know and, um, love.

Strangely, friends, we have a new homophobe in the house:
Knight. After weeks of treating out Preston
with respect, the hockey player manages to call him a “homo” several times.

Thankfully he has the class to do so behind his back, but we’re
shocked to learn that gay ally Jemmye does little to defend Preston
during his hate-filled rants. However, we soon discover that Jemmye’s previous
abusive boyfriend has made her powerless to speak up for herself or those she
loves, which, at least in my eyes, gives her a pass for another week.

Preston, Ashlee, and Sahar all head to a Lady Gaga concert
and Preston goes full-on drag for the show.
Knight later reminds Preston that while being
gay is okay, wearing a dress is just too much. “Preston
knows I’m not a homophobe, but dressing up and wearing a bra and a wig and
makeup is just — he’s taking it too far.”

Knight (left) is not keen on Preston doing drag

Thanks for letting us know that there are acceptable levels
of gay.

Also, does anyone else think that Knight is drunk most of
the time?

Knight later confided in Ryan that during a trip to the
post-Katrina Musician’s Village — where they assist Habitat for Humanity in
building a house without Ryan, who decides to sleep in —t hat he made Preston

Preston was actually upset
over his inability to be useful when it comes to power tools and all things
carpenter-adjacent. Ryan asked how he knew this. Knight says, “I know when I
make a homo cry.” (MTV bleeped out the “homo” but upon several viewings, I
believe this is the word he used.)

I’ll admit Preston is
becoming a bit of a whiner, but c’mon Knight. The nation (especially my
godmother) loves you and your doughy, “aw, shucks” self. Don’t disappoint us by
going for the easy shots and lowering the bar for heterosexual males.

I don’t pretend to fully comprehend the younger generation
but are we really still this homophobic in 2010? Shouldn’t we be focusing our
anger where it belongs? We have real evil
to fight: Hate. Poverty. Crime. Julie Chen.

The Fabulous Beekman Boys

I was out with friends once when I was introduced to a guy
that was perfectly my type (read: breathing) and we hit it off. The
conversation flowed like champagne in one of those tacky wedding champagne
fountains. This was chemistry.

As I was designing our master suite in our mountain cottage,
his boyfriend walked up. The man was strikingly bizarre. He couldn’t hold a
conversation and seemed a bit socially unwell. After the couple left, I asked
my friend — who knew them well — what my new husband could possibly see in him.
My friend responded, “Maybe that’s what he’s into.”

Watching the well-groomed Beekman boys on their perfect
farm, with their perfect goats (and the strangely-passionate-for-goats
caretaker, Farmer John), several questions came to mind: “Why isn’t Josh with
me? What does he see in Brent?” “Is it possible to get rich recapping reality

Brent (left) and Josh

In this episode, Brent decides to open a new store so that
all of his goods are in one location. He asks Josh what he thinks about the
idea. Before Josh can offer his two cents, Brent informs him that he’s already
rented the place and the opening is in a couple weeks.

Dear readers, my bags would be packed.

As the episode progresses, we discover the two are on the
cusp of their ten-year anniversary. We’re also reminded that they’ve both
agreed to make enormous sacrifices over the past year, living mostly separate
lives — Brent on the farm and Josh in the city during the week — so that they
could have a great life together in the country one day.

In a touching moment, Josh tears up as he tells us how he
understands the sacrifice but how it is hard being away from someone he loves
so much.

So, I get it. Maybe Brent isn’t as finicky and OCD-ish as
the camera portrays. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what Josh is into.

Brent does redeem himself by surprising Josh in the city
with chocolates, flowers, and a trip to a Chinese restaurant, recreating the
first date they shared which was set up by Josh. As spring rolls around, the
flowers bloom, the new store opens, and Josh and Brent continue their sweet

And Farmer John continues his bizarre love of goats.

RuPaul’s Drag U

I have a theory: Every reality show would be better with
Jujubee. Imagine the backstabbing Big Brother house with this fiery pistol
amongst its ranks.

That backstabbing would end snap because, well, Jujubee would cut a b****.

Raven (left) and Jujubee

This week, Ru brings in a very special set of ladies — his
real-life sisters. Rozy, Renetta, and Ranae are delightful ladies who all
clearly adore their brother.

Each of them are, admittedly, a bit plain. (I assume this is
for dramatic effect when they get their drag on and strut down the catwalk. I
mean, really, haven’t any of them heard of Cover Girl? The makeup, not the
lyrics to their brother’s hit song.)

Rozy, Renetta, and Renae are paired up with Drag U
professors Raven, Jujubee, and Shannel, respectively.

Each girl’s picture is submitted to the almighty
“dragulator” where Rozy morphs into Bianca Dinkins, Renetta is Starbooty, and
Renae becomes Cupcake. The usual meetings with the queens takes place, complete
with really funny asides by Jujubee (seriously, Ju, call me.)

We get a few nice moments as each of the real girls meet
with Ru to discuss their progress. Renetta even gets a few tears from Ru as he
recalls sweet childhood memories.

The judges are pretty harsh — something I appreciated
considering how uncharacteristically nice the queens were during the process.
With the help of visiting professor Kelly Osborne, Renae (aka Cupcake) moves to
the head of the class to win the show. In the beginning, none of the sisters
really looked like Ru but after the makeovers, they all could be one happy drag

Ru’s sisters all gussied up

I’m still a little on edge about Ru’s need to change the
English language so that it better matches her show. I was particularly shocked
that Ru decided to take one of the best catchphrases from her fun show Drag
Race and mutate it into the very disconcerting “Don’t flunk it up.”

But I forgive you Ru, but please, give me less Raven. And
more Jujubee.

The Rachel Zoe

It’s Golden Globe madness at the house of Team Zoe. It
occurs to me that while Rachel is incredibly fashion savvy, those of us looking
to find out what’s hot should probably go elsewhere.

By the time the episodes air, the flowing, well-draped winds
of fashion have already shifted. Remember this year’s Golden Globes? Remember
those awful diamond tumors hanging off of the shoulder and hip of Drew Barrymore’s
Versace gown? 

Drew Barrymore

Style director Brad Goreski takes newbie Ashley under his
wings in an attempt to make sure she doesn’t have the same awful experience he
had as the green assistant under Taylor.
There is a lot of Taylor bashing in this episode. At one point,
Brad points out how different Ashley is from Taylor, saying she hasn’t stolen anything
yet. Meow.

Team Zoe is given the task of dressing Kate Hudson, Cameron
Diaz, Jennifer Garner, Molly Sims, and recently-seen-in-Precious Paula Patton,
who is pregnant. Ashley cuts her awards show teeth on Paula. If I was Ms.
Patton, I would not be amused.

Luckily for Paula, Ashley knows what she’s doing and makes
her look like a million bucks. As was the case in the previous season, we catch
a glimpse of hubby Rodger who might as well be wearing parachute pants when it
comes to Rachel and award season.

He decides he’s had enough of “Rachel and her gay entourage”
and takes his stylish scarf, Justin Bieber hair, and 500 pounds of jewelry over
to his buddy’s house to watch the big game. (Don’t ask what big game. I assume
one that involves a goal post or a bat or something.)

As always, Rachel and company work down to the wire but pull
it off with aplomb. We did get to see Brad create his new look sans bowties and
then work out with his trainer. Unfortunately, he kept his shirt on. I guess
even stylish people have bad days.