The threads on the “Ask gay bros” reddit are often earnest and endearing. But one user recently posted a sarcastic query, “How does straight sex work?”
Pepperoni_Pizzazz posed the question on Saturday, adding, “I mean, who’s the guy and who’s the other guy?”
The responses were equally hilarious.
“The woman sticks her boobs inside of his butt I think,” wrote oner user, prompting another to reply, “Instructions unclear. Boobs wrapped around ankles. Send help.”
Another quipped, “I think the woman is the bottom in the bedroom but the man is the bottom elsewhere.”
Pepperoni_Pizzazz seized the opportunity to make fun of homophobic rhetoric, replying, “But women don’t even have a g-spot in their ass like men do. It’s a perversion of nature.
He worried that heterosexuals “are influencing children to be straight like them. Think of the children!”
Others soon joined the ruse.
“Do you know how many straight people put kids they make up for adoption?” asked one commenter. “Nearly 100% of all kids for adoption are from straight couples. Worse yet, it’s a similar figure for abortions. Yet the right-wingers hate gays? Makes you think.”
Another sarcastically weighed in, “Don’t be so melodramatic. I was actually raised by a straight couple and I still grew up perfectly normal… You reactionaries get so wound up about heterosexuals having influence on kids but I’ve yet to see any evidence it’s harmful. I think straight couples can usually be almost as good role models as gays.”
The joke prompted another commenter to counter, “As a child of heterosexuals, I’ve seen how miserable marriage makes people up-close. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!”
The mock-debate on whether straight people should be allowed to marry or raise children continued, with one commenter joking, “Between 90 to 95% of kids born to straight couples grow up to identify as straight. Clearly they use this as a way to
recruit indoctrinate more heterosexuals.”
At the time of writing, it’s still unclear whether Pepperoni_Pizzazz had gained better insight into the mechanics of heterosexual intercourse.