Review: Is David DeCoteau’s “1313” The Greatest Film Series Since “Lord Of The Rings?”

Sam Page, Cory Monteith, Josh Henderson, Drew Fuller

Filmmaker David DeCoteau has become famous for two things – creating his own genre of film (boxer briefs horror), and for casting hot young actors who may or may not go on to bigger things, but more than likely would rather have all evidence of their involvement (see above) wiped from their resumes.

Under a myriad of alternate names (my favorite being Richard Chasen), David has brought us such memorable trash as The Brotherhood Series, Leeches!, Wolves Of Wall Street, and well, too many to list. If you go further down his filmography, you’ll find a soft core classic (Leather Jacket Love Story), and some more … directly sexual films.

But for whatever reason, David has turned his attention to carving out his own niche, and is now expanding on it with an ambitious new series of films titled 1313. They combine those DeCoteau trademarks: sub-Dante’s Cove production values coupled with inexplicable and lengthy footage of guys performing mundane tasks in boxer briefs.

Are these films worthy of your time? Let’s take an in-depth look and critique each one.

Unfortunately … I haven’t actually seen any of these, so … let’s review the trailers!

Boy Crazies

It’s Vampires! Vampires … without fangs. Seriously, baring your fang-less teeth is only menacing if you want to gross people out with your heavy plaque build-up.

BRIEFS SCORE – 10: Wall to wall boxer briefs, and for taking place near water it earns extra wet & clingy points.

Cougar Cult

The Golden Ghouls welcome some innocent young guys into their den, resulting in special-effects not seen seen since the original Playstation.

BRIEFS SCORE – 8: Chock full, but i’m hoping the “nerd” strips down, too.

Bigfoot Island

Yes, that’s right, it’s “shot on location in Bigfoot country!” Not only because it lends credibility, but also to take advantage of that sweet Sasquatch tax break.

This one was a crushing disappointment. This Bigfoot was colder than a Yeti, and didn’t have a fraction of the screen presence of The Bionic Woman’s bigfoot (or the 70’s shag).

BRIEFS SCORE: 0! Not a single pair of briefs in sight. This must be one of David’s experimental films.

Actor Slash Model

“I want to act!” Oh, sweetie, are you in the wrong movie. I think this might be David’s in-joke. Actors playing models, models trying to act, and we all get to live vicariously through the average looking (for these movies) guy who kills the pretty boys.

BRIEFS SCORE – 5: Not much in the trailer, but maybe these guys are method actors, and saving it for when it counts.

Wicked Stepbrother

Not only does David like Guys In Briefs, he really likes Guys In Briefs With Sharp Utensils. And where’s the hot guy on the box cover?

BRIEFS SCORE – 4: A couple of scenes, but I think this is David’s try at psychological horror, so briefs are probably only used when it’s integral to the story.

Haunted Frat

It’s a paranormal thriller … for girls! You know, just like Playgirl was entertainment … for women!

Is it just me, or are all of these movies filmed in the same house? That doesn’t look like any frat house I’ve ever seen.

BRIEFS SCORE – 10: Bulges galore! Extra points for the DeCoteau trademark self-rubbing, plus guy in glasses strips down.

Giant Killer Bees

Okay, I actually have seen this one, and if it weren’t for the guys in briefs rubbing themselves, this would be impossible to distinguish from a Syfy original movie. You can take that for what it is.

BRIEFS SCORE – 8: Hot guys, but it loses a few points when they all walk around like ass-clenching zombies who are desperately trying to make it to the toilet.

Nightmare Mansion

“Where did my clothes go?” That may be one of my all-time favorite sentences. Although it may now be followed closely by, “Taste the blade, Chuck.”

BRIEFS SCORE – 10: Nice, and I think I saw actual guy-on-guy touching!

Now that you’ve seen them all, who do you think will be the next rising star from David’s stable? Will it be the blond one? Or the other blond one? Or the guy with the knife. Well, guys with the knives?

80's Pop Culture Expert, Shooting At The Walls Of Heartache.
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