‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’: Pandora Boxx Ru-cap

Sharon Needles stars in 'The Night Porter'


Yes it’s time for RuPaul’s Drag Race: Rewind! Can you believe we are already at the end? I’ve enjoyed Ru-capping with you all this season and I hope you have enjoyed reading with me! The library was open! So now let me try and Ru-cap the recap of the past season.

Did we just love Michelle Visage serving up her best RuPaul? Work it mama!

If you’ve ever wondered what it took to get these queens on the show, I mean besides a bribe and some sexual favors, we get a glimpse into their audition videos. Let’s touch on what we saw. There were a lot of bedrooms, living rooms and some junky drag rooms. Though Sharon did part of hers in a dirty alley. Appropriate. Milan either has an extensive collection of dolls and snow globes or shot hers in a Dollar General. Wait. Did Phi Phi just say drag queens should be sisters and support each other? Girl. I’m not even going there. While Kenya is lost in a jungle, Willam is dressing up like Smurfette which equals genius. Chad as Cher is an Oscar winner and pissed off! Love it! Oh and shout out to my friend Kasha Davis who was the queen doing the Wonder Woman spin to change her outfit.

Then we see the girls’ reactions when they are told they are on the show. Dida’s face was absolutely priceless. There were screams and tears and I believe Phi Phi’s Grindr trick trying to beep in. Oh and Willam really likes his caps.

RuPaul, “It’s time for Shit My Girls Say.”

My favorite of those? Latrice saying, “Eat it!” I think I need to make that my text message sound. I also loved Willam saying, “Daylight is not for the Dragoon.” Amen, sister. I also got a chuckle when he talked about apple cider vinegar. Willam may have been a touchy turdy at times but this bitch is funny.

Then we get another fabulous catch phrase from Willam, “Ooo Nurse!” It’s for when someone needs help because nurses help people. Like as in they a busted ho and need a nurse to fix their busted ho-ness. Oooo! Nurse! Yes, I will be using that.

I think I’ll be singing the Sharon Needles Song all night. Don’t share your needles with Sharon Needles or you might get the… (Clap hands). Yep. She went there. Google “The Clap” if you don’t know what it means.

Warning! Warning! Warning! NSFW programming. Not Safe For the Workroom. Viewer discretion advised.

Girl, it’s just ass, ass and more ass. Gays are all about the ass. We also learn about Santorum being in the Urban Dictionary as a gross sex act. Yep, as I say when you don’t know something, Google it, bitch.

Next up we get a flashback recap of all the queens that have been eliminated. Proving that while some queens are great on stage they might not have been meant for television. Honestly, do you remember all of these queens? No tea; no shade.

I want a one of those YouTube ten minute of someone doing something video of Latrice saying, “Eat It!” paired with Michelle Visage’s laugh. That would make me pee a little. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about look up: Oprah Pees For 10 Minutes, on YouTube.)

We are then treated to some extras from the judges. My favorite bits? Let’s dish:

Jennifer Love Hewitt, “I really want a drag name.”

RuPaul, “Jennifer Love Hewitt is the best drag name I’ve ever heard! I’m changing my name to RuPaul Love Hewitt.”

Billy B. (about Dida’s wig), ”The wig looked like a litter of kittens had sucked on it and she found it in the garbage.”

Nicole Sullivan (to Sharon), “I would love to have a cocktail with you. Whether or not I would get up to use to the bathroom and never come back, I don’t know.”

Elvira (to Alisa Summers), “Is that a pit scrubber on your head or are you just happy to see me?”

Billy B.. “If you add up everything that Michelle Visage has on: $22.97, including her tits.”

Wynonna Judd, “I’d rather go to the gynecologist.”

Rose McGowan, “I’m going to go to the gynecologist with you after this.”

Michelle Visage, “I like a pap smear.”

Michelle Visage, “I want her to fondle me.”

Kelly Osbourne to Michelle Visage (in the sweetest voice possible), “I’ll fondle you.” And then does!

RuPaul while being primped, “Watch out for my colostomy bag.”

RuPaul to Pamela Anderson, “Somebody said you bumped your head earlier. How is your head?”

Pamela Anderson, “Haven’t had any complaints yet!”

Love it!

Oh hey look it’s me! Yep, yours truly was doing a little Ru-capping on the show. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did doing it. Shannel and Mariah are so much fun to work with and of course working with RuPaul is utterly amazing. We had a great time!

I wonder if Madame Visage can predict if I’ll be doing these Ru-caps for Season Five in early 2013? Let’s hope!

Here’s your last chance to pick your winner. Phi Phi? Sharon? Chad? This is one season where I really feel like I am not sure who’s going to take it all. What did you think of the Rewind Episode? Did all your dreams come true? Sound off below!

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