‘RuPaul’s Drag Race:’ Pandora Boxx Recap

Who knew Lil' Kim was on 'Drag Race' this season?

I’m back!  With another review of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4!  Let’s get right to it!  As per usual, the girls enter the room and read the message left behind for them from the contestant eliminated.  Who was that again?  Anyways, all we really learn in the very beginning is that Jiggly apparently loves lollipops.  Like REALLY loves them because I feel like she has one through the entire episode.

Avatar-Ru!  Or Ru-vatar (testing that one out, yes?  No?)!  Ru-vatar riddles something while being gorgeous.

Half naked pit crew!  Yes!  We need more of them please.

The mini-challenge is to make Beyonce jealous and serve up some bodacious booties.  Ru tells them to work their Apple Bottoms or calls them all bottoms or something like that.  They all walk the workroom looking like they just took dumps in their bloomers after eating their weight in roughage.

The winners are Phi Phi, Willam and Chad and now they get to be team captains.  Trust me, being team captain isn’t always a prize.  Latrica is picked first.  Booyah!  Of course she was.  She’s a Brick – House!  Aoow!  Then everyone else was picked, of course leaving one of our large ladies last.  The challenges aren’t know for being fat friendly.

Madame complains about her ankle.  Bandage that shit up and move on.  You’re on TV!

Hey, did you guys know that Willam has been on a lot of TV shows before?

So last week I debated who was going to be the bitch of the season.  Was it going to be Willam or Phi Phi.  Now I just think that Willam is either just stoned all the time or in a Zoloft haze.  So Phi Phi is fast winning the award but Jiggly, who I thought was loads of fun, is just coming across as one bitter bunt (that’s bitch and Charisma Uniqueness Nerve & Talent mixed together).  You really get a full dose of bitchy, Jiggly style, in the Untucked episodes.*

*Sidenote: I am just going by what I see on television, which is what you do in a review.  This show only shows you a small part of what someone is like.  I’m sure some of these girls are lovely people in real life but again this isn’t about that.  So let’s continue.

I was thinking we should start a drinking game.  Every time Phi Phi gives a snotty, bitchy, I’m-better-than-everyone look to someone, we should take a shot.   I think we’d all be drunk 10 minutes in.

The queens find out the main challenge is a wrestling challenge.  Say what?  When I first saw the previews I was horrified.  I thought, what have they done?  But then seeing the episode and thinking about it, the two do fit well together.  Both wrestling and drag are completely over-the-top camp-tastic things.  These two cheeses melt well together.

The girls practice and toss Kenya around like a rag doll, Madame complains about her ankle again and Jiggly starts yelling like she’s outside a NYC club at 4am to some girl who stole her trade.

Let’s wrestle!

Bitter Betties Vs. LA’s Finest!  I felt like I was watching some Telemundo as soon as Kenya Michaels opened her mouth.  Yes!  It’s was Big Pickle and Gherkin against the Wayan Brothers.  Phi Phi gets slapped.  Did we all cheer?  Face slappings with a powder puff = genius.

The Tunderbooties Vs. DWF!  Boring pre-wrestle scene.  Willam calls Jiggly a plus-size Jujubee!  Ha!  Sumo-smash on Willam.  Did we all cheer?

The Knock Outs Vs. The Bitch Kickers!  Milan and Sharon looking stunning.  Chad and Madame serving sheer utter brilliance covered in fantastic.  I could go on for paragraphs on how much this group hands down nailed this challenge.  Everything was perfect from Madame giving me Divine from Female Trouble to Chadarella Chainsaw Michaels telling an audience member, “Shut your pie hole, you slut!”  Living!

Mainstage time and holy piñata, Ru looks gorgeous!  Redefining 50 and it never looked so good.

The guest judges are Rick Fox and John Smalley.  I just have to say this just proves how far Drag Race reaches and how far we have indeed come as a society.  When two straight athletes can come onto a drag television show and critique queens, we have definitely made progress.

Here’s a quick rundown on everyone’s “Girly-Girl” Runway Presentation:

Kenya Michaels: Toddlers & Tiaras

LaShauwn Beyond: Ball Crawl Realness

Sharon Needles: The Softer Side of Carol Burnett

Jiggly Caliente: She REALLY like lollipops, y’all.

Milan: Tyler Perry’s Sex and The City

Madame LaQueer: Rosie O’Donnell playing Velma Von Tussle

DiDa Ritz: T-Shirt Realness

Chad Michaels: Where Are They Now: Romy OR Michele?

The Princess – Cyndi Lauper meets There’s Something About Mary

Phi Phi O’Hara – The Real Housewives of South Florida

Latrice Royale – On her way to Oprah’s Legends Luncheon

Willam – Jon Benet Ramsey is alive and now clearly a prostitute.

Oh hey, did you guys know that Willam has been on several TV shows?  Didn’t he play that prostitute on Reno 911?

Let’s quickly go through the rest of the show.  So Team Chad Michaels wins!  Duh.  Phi Phi gives a dirty look.  Shot!  Speaking of shots I think Willam did a few backstage.  Is he tipsy?  The Princess is a Zen person.  Boring.  It’s a TV show and it’s Season 4.  All these queens need to stop with the excuses.  (That said The Princess is looks to be the “nice one” and clearly that didn’t do too bad for someone else who was that. Wink, wink.)  Michelle Visage’s boobs!  And hair!  And necklace!  Love that drag queen!  Some fabulous Billy B. quips and that bring us to my favorite line of the night.

“She’s going for Sex and the City and it was more like Sex and the Alley” – Rick Fox

And the even better comeback: “I’m not going to turn that down either.” – RuPaul

This was an amazing judging panel tonight!

The time has come for the Lip Sync For Your… wait a minute.  LaShauwn Beyond did NOT just take off his shoes as the lip-sync song started.  WHAT?  Fail.  Off the show.  Done.  I can’t.  I just can’t.  The end.
twitter: @ThePandoraBoxx

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