TV

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race:’ Pandora Boxx Recap

Welcome ladies!


Over the past few weeks I’ve been debating on how I was going to write a weekly review of RuPaul’s Drag Race.  I was afraid to be too honest and have all the queens, who I will inevitably work with, end up hating me.  That said I didn’t want to sugarcoat the review and have readers call me out for not being real.  After talking to one contestant about it, to which she said, “Girl let me have it,” I decided that I needed to be as completely honest as possible in my funny, charming way of course!   Without further ado, here is the first review of Season 4 of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

The episode begins as seasons past with the girls walking into the room one by one.  It’s a great way to get a feel of each contestant but goddamn if more than half had completely dull entrances.  It really is the audience’s first impression and why wouldn’t you want to make a grand entrance.  Or at least make it remotely interesting.  Speaking of first impressions, let’s jump right to Willam saying, “I didn’t come up through the club system.  I’m an actor.  I’m a successful queen and not some bitch who has to show for a dollar.”  It’s great to insult every drag queen on the show and, oh yeah, also the host who started out in clubs.

Queens enter.  (Sidenote: if you’ve watched past seasons, the last girl to enter the room was the winner in each season.  Could be just a coincidence though.)  We get little interview bits.  Latrice Royale scares me a little bit with her deep booming voice and bouncer build but she’s got jugs of personality.  And I do mean jugs.  Is she Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile out of drag?  Phi Phi O’Hara makes some bitchy comments and makes me wonder if it’s her or Willam that’s going to be the bitch of the season.  Kenya Michaels talks and I don’t understand a word she is saying but she’s freaking adorable.  Cut to Sharon Needles in her interview describing herself as, “Beautiful, spooky and stupid.”  Yes!  I’ve already jumped on board the Sharon train and I don’t care if it takes me straight to hell.

“You’ve got she-mail!”

Avatar-Ru pops up on screen to instruct the new ladies about what’s in store for them in her usual riddle me this, riddle me that way.   RuPaul doing the echo on “Life” really made me wet my Monday panties.  So cheesy and I love every bit of it.  RuPaul is the queen of cheese but she certainly makes it melt in your mouth.  And Rupocalypse?  Genius.  I imagine Ru, the producers and writers just giggling like schoolgirls when they come up with this stuff.

I will give a hearty amen for the Hottie McHotser pit crew coming back for another season.  This pit crew had by FAR the best personality and look.  They were wise to keep them!

A box.  Didn’t we all see it coming?  Halleloo.  Shangela, again.  Anyone sick of hearing the word, “Halleloo?”  Can I get a Hallelujah?  I love me some Miss Shangie but girl it was applause worthy to see her get eaten by zombies while screaming out, “Halleloo.”  To the bitter end.

I jumped ahead though because I skipped the photo shoot.  Honestly though, it was a bit lackluster.  Great concept but I don’t feel it delivered like past seasons.  I’m not sure if it was the contestants or because it was a little like watch-the-wheel-turn-while-the-fat-girls fall kind if thing.  At least we get to look at dreamy Mike Ruiz.  I’m all for that.

The episode really came into full swing with the zombie segment where the goal of the challenge was to have the contestants take items from the zombies to make their post-apocalyptic runway looks.  I’m not just talking this up because I was in it.  Well, maybe a little.  Honestly, it was just a really creative, fun way to redo the same challenge as past seasons.  Plus the editing of this segment was stellar and not something we’ve seen before.  It was also a great way to incorporate past season contestants into the show.  It’s something that people have been clamoring for every season.  Oh and I have to give props to Milan for her comment, “Black people don’t stand there when zombies are coming after them they run bitch!” Hi-larious.

Then it’s back to the workroom and Ru is coming around to check everyone’s work.  I’ll say one thing, if Ru isn’t feeling your outfit or something you are doing, YOU CHANGE IT!   There are some fugly ass creations happening at this point.  Hold up.  I know what you may be thinking.  You may be thinking, how the hell is this bitch going to sit here and talk about these girl’s fashions when she got hers ripped apart each week?  The answer is simple, now I’m the judge, bitch.  Anyways, where was I?  Oh yeah, ugly outfit, nasty comments, Jiggly Caliente making some Jiffy Pop realness.  We do learn that Latrice has been in prison.  Oops.  Sorry about that Green Mile comment earlier.   More queens talking about nothing, blah, blah, blah…

Elvira!

Finally!  A drag queen judge!  I live for Elvira and I’m almost as thrilled as high-kicking, squealing Sharon Needles.  To the main stage with the Mistress of the Dark!  Oh, wait, I can’t forget The Princess (who I think is another stand-out) saying she goes for guys like Sharon, you know, that “meth look.”  Did she even realize what comic gold that was?

Watching the episode and then sitting down to write about it I really have forgotten most of the girls’ runway looks.  Sadly, they were mostly forgettable.  Again it’s hard when there are thirteen girls in a 90-minute show to stand out but Sharon Needles threw down some next level shit.  She’s the only one who completely embraced the challenge.  She went for it and they loved it and she won.   Then again, this challenge seemed tailor made for her.  Of course she’s going to shine in it.  I’m curious to see how she does in the other challenges.

Let’s go back to Elvira for a second.  Can we say, one of the best guest judges ever?  Funny, campy and right on with her comments.  Can we replace Santino with Elvira, like right now?

The LSFYL (Lip Sync For Your Life) comes down to Jiggly Caliente and Alisa Summers.  They really did have craptastic, minus the tastic, outfits.  Alisa posed and sadly didn’t seem in the moment while Jiggly shook her Jem and the Baked Potato-Holograms outfit for all it was worth.  Wait, maybe I should rephrase that because that outfit was probably worth a nickel.  Alisa is sent home first and Jiggly gets to jiggle on for another week.

What did you think of the premiere episode?  Sound off below!  Oh and don’t forget to find me on Twitter (@ThePandoraBoxx) and Facebook (www.facebook.com/thepandoraboxx).