Usually I begin every recap with the message of farewell from last week’s departing queen. But after last week’s shocking double elimination, I can hardly even read the mirror. There are so many passionately scrawled words. It looks like one of the threatening letter from The Bodyguard.
The lesson, though, is that Ru is not afraid to go all Spanish Inquisition on these reinas. Everybody’s a bundle of nerves, including me, which I don’t think should be as confusing as it is, to my therapist.
Jinkx makes the catty observation that RoLaskaTox is not invincible, which is a thought I’ve never had. It’s like finding out about death as a child via the passing of a first, beloved pet.
Last week, Ru asked everybody who they’d eliminate and Alyssa said that she’d send Jade home, and now there’s a little tension between the two of them. It’s difficult to watch! I burnt a little sage in my apartment.
The mini challenger is to turn a Snuggie/Slanket (which I guess they’re calling a “cuddlier” for legal purposes) into drag couture. I feel like I do that all the time, just using the power of my imagination. But they’re all talented seamstresses, so I’m excited to see what kind of magic they’ve made with cheap synthetic blanket dresses that melt if you pass out drunk wearing one near a space heater (so I hear).
This week’s judge is US Weekly’s Ian Drew, who is a friend of mine. This episode really just can’t get any better for me, can it? Cancel my hot stone massage.
Alyssa, Roxxxy, and Detox win the who wore it best. But that’s not the most exciting news: this is the Snatch Game episode, which means that the ladies get to bust out their celebrity impersonations. They’re really excited about it. I guess it’s more fun for them to be mistaken for celebrities than when people on the street tell me I look like Natalie from The Facts of Life.
Jinkx is going to do Little Edie, which just tickles the heck out of me. But not a lot of the other queens have seen Grey Gardens, potentially because they’re wary of the potential for documentary film potential to exploitation the mentally ill for entertainment purposes.
Ivy is Marilyn, Roxxy is Toni Braxton’s sister (?), Jade is Taylor Swift, Alaska is doing Lady Bunny, Alyssa is Katy Perry, Detox is Ke$ha, Coco is Janet Jackson, and Lineysha is Michelle Obama which is a strange and bold choice. Who would you guys be? I’d be Charlie Rose.
Ru is briefly concerned that people won’t know who Jinkx’s character is. Friends, I don’t want to live in a world where we all know a person famous for not washing her underpants and spelling her name with a dollar sign but not Edith Bouvier Beale. Ru is also slighty worried for Lyneisha, and says so.
“I have on my face the makeup of Michelle Obama, but I have in my head, the voice of Ru Paul,” says Lyneisha. Story of all of our lives! So at the last minute, she decides to change to Celia Cruz. It’s a good choice for somebody who thinks our anti-obesity crusading first lady would feed her husband French fries for breakfast.
Today’s judges are Julie Brown and Downtown Julie brown, which makes the queens as happy as it makes me.
“The Snatch Game” is pretty funny. Alyssa, Detox, and Ivy struggle a bit, while Roxxy, Alaska and Jade slay. My favorite moment comes courtesy of Lineysha, who seems to be going for something Dada. She answers a question with “a can of tomato salsa”, then draws a giant rectangle in the air. “Like a big can,” she answers. I want to hire Lineysha to come to my house and draw giant salsas in the air for me whenever I am a little blue.
Before the runway show, the queens have an earnest talk about whether comedy or glamour is more important to drag. It’s something all of us struggle with, I think, in our own ways. Like, many of us never know whether to emphasize “business” or “casual.” Thank God for Banana Republic.
Then it’s time for the elimination. Jinkx frantically whispers her new catch phrase, “water off a duck’s back,” until the phrase loses all meaning. Lineysha explains that it’s hard to be funny in English. (I hear you, girl.) Ivy takes heat for screwing up Marilyn, who is a little bit of a generic drag character. RuPaul looks so amazing that I fashion a crude pinhole device from a shoebox so as to view her.
Detox and Lineysha have to sing Cher for their lives. I hate to see them near-eliminated, but on the other hand, what a treat. Alas, in the end, it’s Lineysha’s day to go home. Hasta luego, mi amor. Un beso.
I’m Charlie Rose (how was that?), and I’ll see you next week.