Hey guys. I missed you. I was away in Mexico, where, while a culturally rich country, does not have RuPaul’s Drag Race. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I’ve already written a letter to Mexican Cultural Affairs Secretary Veronica Gonzales.
While I was gone, dear, different little Jade was eliminated. While many of the queens weren’t always supportive of her, they seem sad to see her go. But as as Joni Mitchell once sang, “don’t it always seem to go / you don’t know what you got til its gone.” Also, “Ethiopia, Ethiopia, Ethiopia/ Your top soil flies away/Ethiopia/ We pump ours full of poison spray/Ethiopia.” Just sharing some of my favorites with you.
For the mini challenge, the contestants are supposed to “read” each other while wearing wraparound shades. By read, they mean “zing” I think, because boy oh boy, does the proverbial fur fly. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable, but then again, my father also often wore wraparound shades while insulting others.
Some of the insult comedy is very clever, but there are some I don’t get. Like when Jinkx tells Roxxy there are two kinds of peanut butter. To me, this just seems like helpful information. Oh well! After a stomach churning session of snaps and quips, Alaska wins.
It’s good practice, because Ru announces that the main challenge is a roast. They’ll be gently poking fun at Ru’s foibles, which seems impossible to do based on her flawlessness, but also regular and guest judges Santino Rice, Michelle Visage, and Leslie Jordan. The girls get started on mean joke writing, and I double up on my Nexium.
They’re aided by Bruce Villanch, Devon Green and Nadya Ginsburg. Poor Ivy Winters just doesn’t have it in her to be mean, but some of the other dolls are just too mean and not as funny. I’m nervous for all of them! But especially guest judge Leslie Jordan. Who wants to see that guy upset? Not me.
Alaska, Coco, and Jink, do a nice job. Roxxxy does not fare as well. Detox says the F word too much. Alyssa has a meltdown but Leslie Jordan croons, “I think she’s beaaaaaaautiful,” which I would like as my new ringtone. In the end, it’s Roxxxy and Alyssa have to lip synch for their lives.
But before Ru can send anybody home, Roxxxy dissolves into tears (after this amazing moment). She explains to Ru that she feels like her mom never wanted her and that her mom left her at a bus stop and that this is what it feels like all over again. It’s a powerful moment, and by powerful I mean, pretty strange.
Ru says we get to choose our families as gay people and that she is our family. She’s talking to all of us so I get a little choked up too. Ultimately Ru decides to keep both girls because of the passion they demonstrated.
“Shantay you BOTH stay,” she barely gets out, for all the emotions. The contestants have a huge group hug, and I retire to my crying couch to have a good catharsis weep after this feelings roller coaster.
There will be no farewell messages this week. See you all next time, my sister queens.