We asked Willam Belli to recap tonight’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4: RuVealed
When RPDR left off on episode 5, Chad has just SHOCKINGLY won an impersonation challenge. Just like Latrice won the jail challenge and I’m about to win the slut episode—which we’re going to cover forthwith (this stuff writes itself).
By the way, take a drink everytime Phi Phi throws some stink eye someone’s way on this episode. It’s real damn frequental and your BAC will be .08ful. (See how eightful sounds like hateful, too?)
We were all glad to get to get wet and we saw the throng of people on the way in that day. Once I got out there, I had hometown advantage and I saw at least three people who’s no-no parts I had been social with.
I definitely gave them the “you-BETTER-fuckin-cheer-for-me look” and I guess it worked because the crowd went nuts for me and I won.
That was no big mystery, huh?
The real question is what was my hair doing in the next scene? I look like I’m trying out for Legend of Zelda, not to be America’s next drag superstar.
But thank you God for all this bod and lez keep it moving.
Finding out we got to do a pride boat challenge with a rainbow of colors from the original gay flag excited us all, especially Jiggly because she thought it meant she got Skittles.
Ru said our outfits should be super chic so I was thinking Carrie Bradshaw, especially with fact that NYC had the first big step in Pride with Stonewall. Milan flagged yellow and Phi Phi tried to earn all the points by making an outfit, even though RuPaul said we could don our own drag.
Ru came and did the rounds and it was always fun seeing who she was just kiki’ing with and who was about to canoe down Shit’s Creek by the line of questioning.
Jiggly chowed down on some glitter with an orange burp of a boat. Sharon revealed that she was never asked to participate in her hometown Pride, presumably because of her surplus of dignity.
At this time we take a musical interlude and I let everyone know I’m going to win by serenading the lucky seven other queens with gentle melodies informing them of of the grandeur of my vessel. My boat was pretty, my boat was the best AND I won some breasts (I was the only one allowed to keep my Boobs For Queens breastplate from the mini challenge as a prize which is an inside tidbit the audience never got to see).
Day Two: Jiggly was scrambling and we all encouraged her to do a Little Buddha Confucius type of fly boat honey ho look, but she just never got it together and literally was working until the last minute and painted her face in 15 min.
We hit the runway and I was the only one to get out of my boat. I didn’t want the wood boat side snagging on the couture coat. A bitch could find nary a bit of sand paper to smooth those edges but I did manage to rig the wheels off a mannequin fabricating a lowrider-esque Duck Boat, like those of my hometown of Philly.
Mixed critiques follow with Billy B and Michelle reading many a bitch up, down and left—especially Sharon’s yard waste of a boat and Latrice’s patent hiking boots. Milan’s aesthetic and Jigglesworth’s, well, everything landed them in the Bottom Two.
I won, because as previously stated, my boat is pretty. When it’s right, it’s right.
The girls birthed out energetic “Born This Way” LSFYL. There was clothes-stripping, wig-ripping, and the stage was fed a meaty tuck of a sandwich by both girls.
But only one made it truly pop—literally: Jiggly’s nut popped out and it had to be edited out in subsequent airings.
Milan peaced out and then we realized we had to clean up all the crap we had used to make our boats. What a fun night.
P.S: The seat of my boat had a pillow in it mopped from the Interior Illusions lounge.
P.P.S.: My boat is pretty. My boat is the best.