‘RuPaul’s Drag U’: Pandora Boxx Ru-cap

Meet your professors.

Another week back deep in Lake Titticaca Valley for another episode of RuPaul’s Drag U.  This week it’s ex-beauty queens whose crowns have lost their luster.  We have former homecoming queen Julie, a former Miss Onyx Ohio appropriately named Qween (and she was a former Soul Train dancer!) and Tamara who is a former Miss Arkansas.  Can these former beauty queens sashay back into the glamour spotlight?  Girl, that’s what we do at Drag U!  It’s on, bitches.

“Oh my God, why is this not my closet,” Tamara chirps out about the Drag Lab.  Don’t we all wish it was?

This week’s professors are resident PHD Morgan McMichaels and new professors Chad Michaels and Willam.  Escandalo!  Willam may have been disqualified on Drag Race but now is back to educate these students of Drag U.  I know Chad will sparkle as a professor because she has that warm motherly aura about her.  I adore all these bitches and they look lovely!  Right out of Charlie’s Angels.  You know, the TV remake they SHOULD have made, instead of that other one.  CLUNK.

Willam is excited to be working with Qween because, “she’s black and that means she’ll probably have more soul than these white bitches.”  She felt so strongly for Qween, she even gave her, her own chicken cutlets right out of her damn bra.  That’s dedication.

Julie feels the fabulosity of Chad’s vibes and instantly loves her.  Like most of us do!

Morgan pretty much sums up what Drag U and even what drag is all about, “Get loud and proud darling.”  Amen.

Quick drag!  Well these girls end up looking like the blue light special down at the Best Little RuHouse in Texas.  But it’s only the Quick Drag Look and I know they can pull it together.

The Dragulator do not lie hunty.  Let’s see who’s who:

Julie will be Diamante Lamour!  Fashion forward Cruella DeVille!

Qween will become Sashay St. James!  Move over Miss Ross!

Tamara is transformed into Denita De Ville!  Foxy, sexy, hot vixen!

Well the Dragulator must be scraping the bottom of the memory banks for these names but the looks are pretty fabulous.  Denita’s is the biggest WOW of the bunch.

Whether we like it or not, it’s time for another Lady Lesson with Lady Bunion, oops, I mean Bunny.  I love everything about Lady Bunny’s Endora-esque dress this week.  Work it Bun-Bun!

Cum hither looks.  Facials.  Oh lord.  Me thinks Ru and Bunny are being a little dirty with their puns.  Who doesn’t like some dirty puns.  I like my puns with butter.  Wa-waaaaah.

Oh hello there, Jeffrey Paul.  I don’t know what you are saying but I like the way you say it.  Meow!

Lifts!  He’s talking about lifts.  Got it.  And now you know a real Hollywood secret.  Lots and lots of celebs use lifts to give that taught youthful look.  Now you can do it to by getting some Face Lifts from Cinema Secrets.  That’s Cinema Secrets.

My favorite line of this episode, is Willam’s deadpan, spacey delivery of this: “What were the 60’s like Bunny?”  Slam!  Ouch!  Love it!

Second favorite, Morgan saying, “He’s a beautician not a magician.”  Also a dig on Lady Bunny.  Thankfully Bunny has a good sense of humor and probably had her hearing aid turned off anyways.

Ru amazes me by the straight-faced deliveries of some of the corniest lines on television right now.  He is just pure genius and nails it again with this gem, “Instead of doing her job, Lady Bunny got lost in a haze of procrasturbation.”  I live!

Can someone slap Tamara?  She’s the only one who really has a problem with her domintrax-ish Dragulator look.  She’s worried about tainting her crown.  You were Miss Arkansas 1997.  Get over it.  Have fun with it!  It’s like dressing up for Halloween.  For us queens, a Halloween that never ends!

Every day look for all the straight lady viewers.  I’m gay so I’m skipping over this part.  Except I love the clothes here from Adrianna Papell.  That’s ADRIANNA PAPELL.  Feel free to send me the first two looks and the last two.  Thank you!

Dance class with Jamal Sims.  I hope he DOES show my how to dig deep and shake it up.  The ladies are doing Jealous of My Boogie and I can’t even think straight because I’m getting flashbacks to RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 2!  Ahhhhhh!  All I can say is that Jealous of My Boogie is available on iTunes.

As usual, when you put a black girl up there (and one who’s been a dancer on Soul Train) the white ladies are always going to look like they are dropping it like it’s tepid.  This is the case here but it’s just the first dance class.  It’s Draguation Day that really matters.

Sharon Needles has a drag tip about cream.  I think.  She did say cream didn’t she?  Cream.  Giggle.

“Qween is running me as ragged as Morgan’s wig.”  Oh Willam, how much do I love this bitch?  Love it.  And Qween is becoming a problem child.  She won’t wear the corset.  I think she may be the only student who refused to wear one.  Suck it up!  Both literally and figuratively.

In RuPrahs one on ones, Qween needs to learn to go past that uncomfortable place.  She’s holding back.  Tamara has to either break through or go back to what is safe.  After 40 years of worrying about what the neighbors will think, it’s time to let go girl.  Julie starts to see that incredible things can come from mistakes.  Just be you and be proud.  Ladies embrace yourself, all of yourself.

Jalisa says, it’s Draguation time bitches.

Our guest judge this week is the fierce Tamara Taylor serving me a little 2012 Velma Kelley.  This week’s professors are looking absolutely gorgeous on the runway.  Get it queens!

Now for our Draguates!  Julie/Diamante served you up some Cruella DeVille meets Miranda Priestly.  Owned.  It.  Qween/Sashay is really giving me some Della Reese starring in a Dreamgirls sequel or something.  Tamara/Denita is, well, what can I say? Serving it the house down.  Everything!  She owned that look and that runway.  Definitely the biggest transformation.  Gagging!  In a good way.

You group number is served.  Serving it up piping hot this week was Julie and Tamara.  Serving it a little luke-warm was, surprisingly, Qween.  I only say this because girlfriend didn’t know any of the words but at least she looked smoking hot doing it!  I could have seen this go either way between Julie and Tamara but Tamara really was breathtaking.  She could teach some queens a thing or two!  The top Draguate is Denita De Ville and so deservedly so!

My favorite closing line and really a life motto came from Julie, “I got my confidence back and I realize it’s more fun to be confident.”  Amen.

And here’s a tip, if you don’t have the confidence, fake it until you really feel it.  Trust me that’s what I do!  Now everybody say LOVE!  Keep that love with you until next week and another episode of Drag U and another fabulous Ru-Cap!  Ru-Ha!  Remember to check me out at my website: www.pandoraboxx.com where you can hear a sample of my latest single releasing soon on iTunes.

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