‘RuPaul’s Drag U’: Pandora Boxx Ru-cap

Listen up students!  Class is in session again this week at RuPaul’s Drag U and it’s a very important week.  Why?  Because, I’m in this week’s episode!  Ha ha!  In all seriousness, it is a fabulous episode and probably one of the ones I had the most fun on.  Why?  We had some extra fabulous ladies this week.  I loved them all and they all brought it but I’m getting WAY ahead of myself.  It’s Revenge of the Nerds time at Drag U and we’ve got Kristy who is a theater nerd, Dylan the Zombie movie nerd and Shante appearing as our comic book nerd.  I love my geeks and nerds, so I was thrilled to be on this episode. 

This week’s drag professors are everybody’s favorite Jujubee, the ever-gorgeous Delta Work and some bitch named Pandora.  Working with these queens was a complete delight!  I truly do love them both.  We had so much fun but I digress.  Back to class!

As we learn a little about the ladies, we see their usual sleepwear.  Can you hear the dogs barking at these, um, er, oufits?  Kristy looks like a sad, sailor clown in her outfit from Gymboree.  Shante seems to be working some Bag Lady Realness.  Dylan looks like she has been fighting the Zombie Apocalypse and lost.  The ladies have the usual troubles with self-esteem but Dylan’s is a little different.  She feels like she’s a loser because she didn’t go to college, which is also the reason she and her mom haven’t spoken in two years.  The drama of it all!  P.S. Dylan is also the crier of the week, like every single time she’s on.  Remember, you can’t shake babies but you can shake adults.  Someone shake her, please!

Quick drag and product placement time!  So the quick drag looks are always a bit of a mess, though I think Kristy looked cute if I do say so myself and I do. 

Let’s Dragulate these bitches!  They are all decked out with a modern 80’s look, like a Broadway production of Earth Girls Are Easy.  Um, can we make that happen?  Someone get Julie Brown on the phone! 

Here are their new super hero secret identities:

Kristy – Felicity Payne

Dylan – Ember Alert

Shante – Delores Day

The names are fun and catchy but I wouldn’t name any drag babies with them.  Let’s hope these nerdy chicks can pull it off.  Of course, it’s Drag U so you know they will, or else they get shocked with an electric cattle prod.  Oops!  Did I just break contract and reveal too muck?  (Wink, wink.)

The scent of mothballs and Jean Naté is in the air so that means it’s time for another Lady Lesson!  I think Kristy summed it up best by saying, “Lady Bunny is amazing and she a funny bitch.”  I can write nice things now because Bun-Bun’s check finally cleared!  Thanks girl!  Check out Bunny (along with the hysterical Bianca Del Rio) at the appropriately named show, Hot Mess, Wednesday nights at XL Nightclub in NYC.  You’ll see how raunchy this bitch REALLY is!

Bunny opens the Pink Book of Love and out pops a little homo with a big mustache.  It’s Ashton Michael!  He’s all sorts of cute with a little naughty edge.  I like it!  “That is a curvy, curvy mustache ride,” as Jujubee says.

Ashton teaches these gals about accessorizing.  You can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes.  If you know what that is from, we can totally be friends.  Scarves, belts and silhouettes, oh my!  Hooray they get to keep all of it!  I just get really happy when they finally let her shop.  A movie quote that if you can get right, we can must be friends already.

“Under the disco lights Korneshia was completely unspookable.”  RuPaul you slay me every week with your wit and I don’t get paid extra to say that!

Back to the drag lab and we learn that Kristy is a sensible gal and doesn’t want a skirt too short that may show off her cooter.  There are some really great things to learn about cooter exposure and thankfully I tell them to you:

“Show your Cooter to get free publicity.  Do not show your cooter if it looks like bacon strips.”

Coincidentally, Cooter is available on iTunes.  Yes I’m still plugging my Cooter.  My Cooter is only 99 cents.  I know, my prices went up.  They go up after a television appearance. 

Delta really sums up drag and life in this fabulous gem, “If you don’t toot your own horn, no one knows you’re coming!”  Yes m’am!

Onward to the every day look!  Sadly, it’s sleepwear so I have no interest.  You ladies at home will love it though.  Cute looks!  Unlike the movie, Too Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar, drag queens do NOT sleep in drag, unless of course we pass out. 

Dance class!  Candis Cayne is this week’s Dean of Dance and I just love her.  She’s just got such positive energy around her and that’s just what these ladies need.  Hold the phone!  Madonna!  Burning Up?  I die.  Madonna is my absolute favorite diva and this is one of my favorite Madge songs.  While the girls struggle to find their inner dance diva it’s fun to try and watch which professor has fallen asleep in her chair.  So basically everybody, not just our students, has body issues as Candis said. Dylan needs to get in step, Kristy needs to be sexy and Shante needs to let loose.

And… Willam nails it again with another drag tip.  Bitch.  Kidding!  I frakking love Willam. 

Now it’s time for the students one on ones with RuPrah.  Kristy has had her auditioning woes and kind of lost all that glitters along the way.  RuPrah tells Kristy to focus on the fact that she was called back and not that she didn’t get the job.  Kristy serves it to us with a little rendition of Cover Girl, Broadway style.  Yes Kristy!  Can I tell you how much I love her?  Kristy is ultra-fabulous and she’ll get her star turn someday.  I know it.

Shante is next up in RuPrah’s office.  Now, Shante is pretty close to the edge of fabulosity.  RuPrah just says she needs love and nourishment.  Don’t we all need love?  The only thing is that if we aren’t truly open to the possibility we will never get it.  Love comes in all forms, not just in the form of some diddling each other’s privates.  Shante is going to start the day with a new thought: “I’m worth it!”  Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  We ALL need to do that.

Next up to Mr. Winfrey’s office is Dylan.  Dylan seems to have the most emotional baggage at Drag U.  She’s holding on to this concept of being a failure.  It all stems from her mother and their relationship.   We all have different paths.  RuPrah says there is no time to not talk to people.  Ain’t that the truth.  Life is so very short.  All we are really talking about is not going to college!  That’s no reason for a mother and daughter to stop talking. 

Did I forget to mention Jujubee’s “Fake” shirt or smock?  How much do I love it?  Almost as much as I love Jujubee’s website, www.jujubeeonline.com, that’s JujubeeOnline.com.

And now time for a little thing I said on the show that made me chuckle, “We have many secrets at Drag U and not just the ones we’re sitting on.”  Shablam!

It’s Draguation time, bitches!

I’m sorry but the three of us looked fabulous together on that runway, hunty.  Eat it!  Can we talk about guest judge Robin Givens for a second.  GORGEOUS!  She was so sweet and lovely and I wanted to steal her dress.  #Everything

Our gals our loving every second on that runway.  Kristy/Felicity is owning it and letting us have it!  DIVA!  Shante/Delores is eating that runway up!  GET IT!  Dylan/Ember is soaking up every drop of fabulousness.  YES MAMA!  Uh-oh!  TWIST!  In true reality show fashion, Dylan’s estranged mother was placed right in front.  We knew if was coming but it throws Miss Ember for a loop.  A breakdown commences.  Ru tells her to, “keep on keeping on.”  After some back stage love from Mama Delta, Ember goes back on stage for the group number.

Regardless if every step was right, what was right was the gals’ attitudes.  They were living for it up there.  They all brought it and it was truly amazing to watch.  There’s nothing better than seeing people let loose and have fun like they never have before.  Can we talk about the robot?  Killed me every time I saw them do it in rehearsal and it’s just plain hilarious, especially the look on Kristy’s face.  Living for it!  This is definitely one of the closest competitions we’ve had on Drag U and it could have gone either way but Ember’s light shone a little brighter.  She really broke out of all that was holding her back and yes, indeed, that was a proud mama cheering her on.  Drag U is bringing families together!  Work it out Dylan!

Kristy really summed up the whole experience, “We all separately got what we needed out of this regardless of winning.”

Condragulations to another fabulous class of RuPaul’s Drag U!

If you just can’t get enough of me, check me out on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr!  Make sure you also give some love to my sister’s Miss Jujubee and Delta Work, tell ‘em Pandora sent ya!

Pandora Boxx Talks ’RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race’: Exclusive