Well, kids, the semester is almost over here at Drag U. But before summer school ends, we have a few more classes, including this week’s with lady boxers who’ve lost their feminine ways. We meet Cynthia, who had a boyfriend dump her because she looked like a boy, Krystle, who was feminine in Chicago but downright butch in Los Angeles and Missy, who has spent all her time caring for her sick mother. These ladies need Drag U and fast!
Does anyone else get a giggle when Ru talks to “Jalisa” each week? I know I sure do.
The ladies are welcomed into the You-Betta-Work Room and get to meet their lovely Drag U professors. This weeks he-hers are Jujubee, Chad Michaels and Raven who looks like a Final Fantasy gal goes to Clown School. I’m kind of loving it, kind of. Actually, these ladies look like a made-for-TV movie about the Spice Girls.
Leave it to Raven to tell it like it is, “My philosophy on acceptance from other people, is fuck other people.” And for that I’ll say, hash tag TRUTH.
Onward we gaily march forward, with Raven getting Cynthia, Chad getting Missy and Jujubee gets Krystle. Miss Juju is loving herself some Krystle Booty and I’m not talking pirate treasure.
Quick Drag! AKA Hot Buttered Drag Mess Time! Did Raven really just say, “I’d rather be raw tuna than burnt trout.” Sweet peppery Jesus. That’s some shit right there. Oh, hey everyone, the gals are all dragged up and it’s a reunion of the 80’s girl group Exposé! Reunited and it feels so, wrong.
Let’s Dragulate these bitches!
Cynthia becomes Kayla De Canter!
Krystle becomes Touché!
Missy becomes Adina Powers!
Kayla De Canter is serving you some full on sexpot. Very Grace Jones if she was in the new remake of Total Recall. Touché is giving me rock goddess glamour. Eat it! Adina Powers is serving Greek Rock Goddess with a splash of Michelle Visage hair! Loving each of these ladies looks and I’m hoping they can pull them off.
Oh girl! Shade between Raven and… wait, hold up. Did Jujubee just say the Raven should, “go choke on a dick.” I die!
Lady lesson! I am loving Lady Bunny’s comic strip ensemble. Perfect for a living cartoon. All I can say is Mario Mosley, you can work me out anytime! He teaches these ladies to sit like ladies and not truck drivers. And insert corny Lady Bunny joke here.
And the first crier at Drag U is Missy! Eventually they all cry here at Drag U. That’s what we live for. I kid but actually it’s letting go of all that holds them back. It’s good to cry and just from seeing Lady Bunny in anything backless.
Time for Everyday Drag! Those are some lovely outfits that will be gorgeous on the ladies and perfect for a drag queen going to a luncheon meeting. Like that happens.
On to dance class with sexy Jamal Sims. Yes, please! Wait. ” Glamazon?” I’ve never heard of that before. Is it on iTunes? Oh Good Christ on a DiDa Ritz Cracker, did Krystal just do the Chicken Dance? Leave it to the white lady to drop it like it’s tepid.
Delta Work gives us a drag tip or the tits on tats. Ha! I love that the tattoo said, “I Love Dick.” Which is actually tattooed on my ass.
Now it’s time to dig deep ladies and the two gentlemen who watch this show. Yes, it’s time for one on ones with RuPrah. Cynthia feels stuck back in middle school with being picked on. RuPrah says we’ve all been picked on. Turn that corner and make it a plus! Krystal says inside there’s always this fat little girl. RuPrah makes her say that she is a “gift to the world” and kicks her inner saboteur, aptly named Sally, to the curb! That Sally can be a really turdball. I had Miss Sally Sadpants. Missy took care of her mom to the point she neglected herself. RuPrah says let Ms. Adina Powers take care of you! Yes, girl, it is time to take care of you.
Before Draguation, we see a little Drag U hazing ritual involving paddling new professor Chad Michaels. After that they forced her to eat solid food.
Come on girls, Jalisa say it time to Draguate up in here, bitches!
Professors Chad, Jujubee and Raven pummel the runway looking delicious! They serve it up to the audience and visiting guest judge Tamala Jones from the show Castle, who looks gorgeous, I might add!
Ok so Kayla/Cynthia is so frakking fierce! She is a Glamazon! She’s giving me life right now. Touché/Krystle! Ok girl, you better get it! Eating it all up on the runway. Is that J-Lo? Oh no it’s Adina Powers aka Missy chewing that runway up, hunty. They all really, really turned it out. It really will come down to the group number. But guess what? They all rocked the mother fucking house! It was so much fun to watch these ladies have so much fun up there. Who cares if it wasn’t perfect, I enjoyed every minute of it! In the end, it’s Adina/Missy who draguates with top honors. Sometimes it’s about the biggest transformation but in all honesty ALL three ladies should be proud. Drag changes lives again.
Until next week, spend some time and money over of my website www.pandoraboxx.com, that’s PandoraBoxx.com. Buy a T-shirt and help a DQ pay her rent.