Rolling Stone has a habit of profiling female musicians in a way that many see as patronizing and sexist—positioning lady rockers as an oddity, and forcing them to pose in degrading pinup pictorials.

For the second year in a row, the Stranger, Seattle's premiere alt-weekly, pokes fun at Rolling Stone with its  "Men Who Rock" feature: Six up-and-coming guy musicians answer inane questions about their fitness routines, haircare tips, love lives, etc., and pose for provocative photo spreads.

We know its satire, but these guys are just so adorkable.

Joe Axler

"I constantly hear things like 'Wow, you're a pretty good drummer, for a dude.' Why can't I just be a 'pretty good drummer'?!"

Kenneth Piekarski

"My nightly hair ritual is this: Right before I go to bed, I fill my orca whale–patterned pillowcase with quartz crystals, burn some sage, and then go into the bathroom and rub scorpion oil into my hair for about 15 minutes."

Frankie Crescioni

"Like most cis-male diabetic half Puerto Ricans, I draw my style points from Ron Morelli, who taught the world the importance of jamming the box heavy."

Barret Anspach

What male musicians do you look up to?

The only one worth mentioning here is my beautiful and supportive boyfriend, Seth Garrison.

What are your workout routines for keeping your hand and elbow strength up while playing?

Picking up books and then setting them back down.

Tilson

You're known for those thighs—what do you do to keep your signature gams so shapely?

Everything I can do, I do. Ladies, watch and learn; fellas, watch and learn: I stand up, walk, and sit down. Kick at stuff for no reason.... I'm starting a practice called colga—cold-icy yoga.

Daniel Enders

"My split ends and hair knots have been nearly unmanageable lately, so I've been experimenting with new techniques to conquer this, like switching from shampoo to straight coconut oil."

Photos: Kelly O for the Stranger