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Sharon Needles Recaps “RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4: RuVealed, Episode One

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We asked Sharon Needles to recap tonight’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4 RuVealed:

I wish I were as good at writing as I am at reading. Season 4 traditionally opens like any other season: a parade of drag queens from all walks of life introducing themselves with fashion flair and what will soon to be their future catchphrases. “I look spooky but I’m really nice.”

What was I thinking?!

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For me, though, Season 4 stands alone: I refer to it as “the freak show.” Our cast consisted of a four-foot fish queen, a black Divine impersonator, a pudgy lollipop enthusiast, a witch and, oh, CHER! Something America truly has never seen before.

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That first photo challenge was a toxic MESS: Neon sludge being splattered on the dolls by the Pit Crew’s ample…guns. AND ON A LAZY SUSAN for frock’s sake. Jiggly takes the cake on this one, and of course offers a slice to no one.

Related: The 7 Shadiest Reads Of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season 4

The main challenge seemed perfectly catered to me (RuPaul, there are easier ways to ask me out). We were taken against our will to an abandoned dump of a hotel (where I believe Magnolia Crawford currently resides), where we were attacked by… Wait for it… DRAG QUEEN ZOMBIES! These creatures had a striking resemblance to the legends of seasons past. I personally felt right at home.

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We are instructed to nab decayed drag droppings to construct our post-apocalyptic couture looks for our first runway challenge. And who was our first celebrity guest judge? EEK! Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!! (Hey Miss Fame, how’s your head?) Jiggly’s Heatherette hot potato, and Alisa Summers’ fire tits were not up to code and placed them in the bottom.

Jiggly jiggled her way to victory, appropriately to Britney Spears’ “Toxic,” and Alisa Summers sashayed away. I can’t quite recall who won the first challenge—but winning isn’t everything, right?

Watch RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4: RuVealed every Friday at 8pm on Logo.