“Expected the unexpected,” purred Julie Chen for the trillionth time. I should be doing more of that, because look at the way things are panning out on Big Brother. The Moving Company, one of the proudest and cockiest alliances I’ve ever seen on the show, dissolved faster than an Alka-Seltzer tablet in lava, and now the show’s most athletic competitors are adrift. Love. It.
And here are five other things I loved from last night’s eviction episode, my favorite hour of the season thus far.
1. This Face.
Who could ever send this home?! Besides anyone, because this is Big Brother and sometimes you have to vote out precious Whoville hipsters like Nick. He’s like a pumped-up, socially confident Ian from BB14. Wish he’d had a few naked sprints through the house.
2. Deep Thought: Are Amanda and Candice the Best Players in the Game? Fun facts: Amanda was critical in getting rid of Nick, since she secured McCrae’s vote. She formed just the right alliances while keeping herself completely under the radar. Candice all but orchestrated Nick’s demise, telling Elissa and Helen that he should go up for eviction instead of Kaitlin. The bad news now? We’re stuck with Kaitlin. The good news? We have two unalike, but likable brains in Amanda and Candice, and I’m hoping they outlast the brawnier jerks like Jeremy and GinaMarie.
3. Nick’s Tragically Defeated (And Accidentally Funny) Exit Interview: The thing is, I like Nick. Love him even, the way you have to love a Big Brother contestant who is genuinely intelligent and not a cackling racist shell of a pageant coordinator. But there was something spellbinding about the dizzy, sputtering quality of his exit interview with Julie Chen. He was shocked. Like, maybe he’ll be talking about this shock for the rest of his life. I don’t blame him, but as Julie noted, Nick played the game too hard too fast. He underestimated the entire house (especially Candice and Helen), and that ultimately spelled his demise. He is damn hunky and we could feel guiltless about ogling him. Will miss this time, this feeling.
4. GinaMarie’s Gorgeous Mourning Moan: Um. Did you hear the noises that gurgled out of GinaMarie when Nick was kicked out of the house? If you missed it, I would describe them as “horrifying scream sobs from hell,” and it’s a miracle I’m still here to describe them. Apparently she felt a connection to Nick, who seemed to be keeping her at arm’s length from what I could tell, and that was enough to send her into a weeping spiral similar to that of the lady in the opening credits of PBS’ Mystery. Except Alan Cumming is not here to soothe us afterwards and introduce us to the new Inspector Morse caper.
5. Helen’s HOH Win is a Triumph of the Human Spirit: Look at Helen wielding that tiebreaker slate like BB15’s own personal Norma Rae. She was fighting to beat out serious competitors for the HOH, and she nailed it with a perfect estimate of how many seconds it took Jeremy to win last week’s HOH contest with Aaryn. Surely Elissa will also scoop up the MVP vote again, so it appears that Helen, Elissa, Candice, and potentially Amanda will control who goes home again. Sigh! A perfect week. I just hope these girls eliminate some of the horrible riffraff like Aaryn and Kaitlin while on their quest to evict all the more powerful players in the game. Think of the home viewers, ladies! Do we want to see Aaryn launch into more racist impersonations and then claim she’s never “said a derogatory thing” in the household? No! We want her voted off to a gulag, thanks. Do it.
Did you also cackle and cheer in a non-GinaMarie way at this episode last night?