[caption id="attachment_47662" align="aligncenter" width="604" caption="Nicki's confused by her new video."][/caption]

Let's make a distinction between "Starships" the Nicki Minaj song  and "Starships" the Nicki Minaj video.

Because the song is pretty awesome. I mean... Is it a brainless ode to loving yourself? Yes. Does it have so many pre-choruses and rap breakdowns that it sounds like a collection of random parts from the studio floor? Yes. Does it sample "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?" God help us. Yes.

But despite all that, it makes me dance. It's stupid, but it's fun.

The video, on the other hand, is no fun at all. As I've written before, I'm a fan of Nicki Minaj's music, but I just can't go there. Not this time.

[Watch the video on YouTube.]

For one thing, it looks tacky. I'm sure it cost 45 zillion dollars, but it's so poorly lit that every shot looks overexposed or underexposed. And there are all these effects---puffs of colored smoke, a big glass cube, a kaleidoscope  lens--that don't make sense together. They don't tell a coherent story. They don't suggest an aesthetic. Mostly, they just clash.

[caption id="attachment_47661" align="aligncenter" width="600" caption="Why this cube? Why those shoes?"][/caption]

Plus, Minaj looks really uncomfortable. She's got such a phony smile that it seems like she hates her choreography and her outfits.

And speaking of outfits, at 3:53, you can see her holding her top on because she's about to pop out of it. When you can't control the clothes in a multimillion dollar video, then something is wrong.

And you know what else is wrong? This wig:

[caption id="attachment_47653" align="aligncenter" width="605" caption="No, Nicki. Just... no."][/caption]

I am all for green hair, but I cannot support K-Mart quality. If you're going to rock a lime-colored hairdo, then do not let it get stringy.

Oh, and also? If you're going to have tattooed island warriors in your video, don't let them wear sherbet-colored bowler hats and Barbara Bush necklaces. That's no fun for anybody.

Mark Blankenship has written about pop music for The New York Times and NPR. He tweets as @IAmBlankenship. His lime green wigs are very high quality.