Stefon Returns To “SNL” With His Hottest Club Tips Ever

“Please call me by your name.”

Stefon still knows how to party.

Former Saturday Night Live cast member Bill Hader returned to host last night’s episode, during which he revived his beloved queer character. An aficionado of obscure New York nightlife, Stefon stopped by the “Weekend Update” desk to recommend some St. Patrick’s Day hangouts.

While away, Stefon has clearly been keeping up with gay pop culture. After referring to anchors Michael Che and Colin Jost as “Moonlight and La La Land,” he tells Jost, “Please call me by your name.”


As for his nightlife recommendations? “New York’s hottest club is Goosh,” he declares. “Inspired by true events, this former CVS which became a Chase Bank and then became a CVS again has a familiar yet troubling feel, like when Larry King would play himself in a movie.”

This club has everything, of course, including a party game called “The Stranger,” based on the Billy Joel song. “It’s when you sit on Billy Joel’s hand until it’s numb, and then you rub yourself with it,” he says.

“Why does it have to be numb?” Jost asks.

“So you can pretend it’s Bruce Springsteen’s hand.”


“If you’re Irish or just white and violent,” Stefon suggests another club that features Farrahchauns, or leprechauns that look like Farrah Fawcett.

At yet another disturbing hotspot, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please, “you can party in the VIP room with a group of Squatty Pottys.” Before Stefon risks using an insensitive word in his description, he consults Shy, an “attorney and conceptual piss artist” played by former SNL writer (and “Stefon” co-creator) John Mulaney.

“It’s that thing of when you sit on the toilet, and to have good posture two ’little people’ crouch on the bathroom floor and you put your feet on their heads,” Stefon finally explains.

He concludes by introducing “A Closer Look,” which Che points out is the name of a recurring segment done by Seth Meyers, Stefon’s imaginary husband, on Late Night.


“Oh, Seth and I are versatile,” Stefon replies. “Some nights I do it and he’s under the desk.”

Hader left SNL in 2013 after eight seasons. He memorably brought Stefon out of retirement the following year when returning to host and for Meyers’ final show.

Hader’s new series, Barry, premieres March 25 on HBO.

Celebrity interviewer. Foodie and Broadway buff in Manhattan. Hates writing bios.