Steve Grand: “Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like A Clean Butthole”

"Let me be clear, this video is NOT for mom's—especially mine."

Steve Grand was, by his own admission “single as f*ck” for Valentine’s Day.

In the video below, he tells us why he hates the romantic holiday while eating ice cream out of the tub, licking what drops onto shirt.

 

 

It all started to go wrong in 4th Grade, apparently, when they made Steve give a Valentine to everyone in class, even the people who were mean to him. (On the other hand, it was probably the first time little gay Steve got a Valentine from a boy.)

As he begins to devour an entire box of chocolates, Grand explains how awkward gift-giving is—because it’s either the wrong thing or so expensive you feel indebted to get something spectacular in return.

“What the hell do you want, you have me?”

But then he moves on to some Valentine’s Day advice, which is mostly about sex.

“People always say that all gay men care about is sex—and those people are right,” he says. “But before you get bent out of shape, it’s not a gay stereotype, it’s a stereotype of men, so if anything I’m being misandrist.”

steve grand

For Steve, while preparedness is key, you don’t want to come off too thirsty.

“Be very ready for sex, but behave indifferently to the prospect sex… give an off-putting energy sometime.”

And there’s the practical stuff—that’s important, too.

“Clean out the butthole and trim out the forest.”

So romantic.

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