Stewie Griffin Takes on Coronavirus: “Get the F*ck Away From Me!”

"Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane knows laughter is the best medicine.

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Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane has released a five-minute faux podcast with two of his characters, baby Stewie Griffin and dog buddy Brian, chatting about the coronavirus pandemic.

“Since we’re all quarantined at home, we thought that we would offer a few ways to keep yourself occupied,” says Stewie in the Instagram sketch, “until we can all go back to canceling dinner plans, not because we might get sick, but because it just sounds like a lot tonight.”

Stewie asks Brian to take his temperature rectally, just to be safe, but “there’s already two thermometers in there.”

The animated duo also discuss that celebrity “Imagine” cover, The Masked Singer, toilet paper panic buying, Katy Perry’s pregnancy, weird corporate e-mails about COVID-19, and more. Peter phones in from a Carnival Cruise, and Quagmire calls to ask if a Thai massage parlor is an essential service.

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For this brief duration: STAY HOME. You may feel healthy. You may BE healthy. The vast majority of COVID-19 cases are mild or asymptomatic. But you still may be a carrier, and you could pass it on to someone more vulnerable to it. This is not the apocalypse. The world has seen pandemics before. This will pass, and life will return to normal. But if you don’t make a temporary life adjustment during this pause, you will be helping to increase the likelihood that this disease will spread, resulting in the inability of hospitals to care for the number of serious cases. You can choose to help save lives, or to disregard them. So for the sake of those most exposed to harm, stay home if you have the means. There are people who don’t have that option — from doctors to firefighters to transit workers to all those who don’t have the financial luxury that perhaps you do — and you will increase their exposure as well if you insist on going to that bar. A virus is not invincible. It can be suffocated, but only with a communal effort can we do so with speed and efficiency, and without buying 100 rolls of toilet paper. Be responsible, and it will pay off.

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“We’ve got to have each other’s backs because we’re all in this together,” Stewie concludes—until he hears Brian cough. “Get the fuck away from me!”

MacFarlane told The Advocate in 2008 that Stewie is “almost certainly gay.” The infant character finally unpacked his sexual orientation in 2018 with a therapist voiced by Sir Ian McKellen.

Celebrity interviewer. Foodie and Broadway buff in Manhattan. Hates writing bios.