In real life, straight men don’t kiss each other all that often — not counting
a certain game of Truth or Dare I participated in back in college.
But in movies and on TV? Straight men seem to kiss each other fairly often.
Thing is, it’s rarely for romantic reasons.
So why do they kiss, if not for romance? Interestingly, they seem to find
almost every reason under the sun – some good, some bad and some just plain
weird. Here are 12 of them graded by adding a score for sexiness plus a score
for freshness minus a score for gay panic equaling an AfterElton.com Hot Kiss
Christopher Meloni/Lee Tergesen GLAAD
Actors Christopher Meloni and Lee Tergesen gave the audience exactly what it
wanted at the 2000 GLAAD Media Awards, kissing each other the way their Oz characters, boyfriends Chris Keller
and Tobias Beecher, might have kissed.
In other words, Meloni actually found a way to make gay and bisexual guys
like him even more than we already did!
Sexiness: 7 + Freshness: 10 – Gay panic: 0 = +17 Hot Kiss Rating!
Stargate Atlantis, “Duet”
In “Duet”, a 2005
episode of Stargate Atlantis, Cadman,
a female soldier, is trapped inside Rodney McKay’s brain, forcing him to kiss …
a male member of the crew that Cadman has a crush on.
According to Stargate writer Martin Gero, "Duet is possibly the funniest episode
we’ve ever done on Atlantis."
Um, yeah. Not that funny, guys.
"[Duet is] the kissing bandit episode,”
said McKay actor David Hewlett in an interview with GateWorld. “I have to make out with every
single person on the set, man, animal, and beast! … Me and Paul [McGillion] have some ’intimate’ scenes, shall we say … Paul and I, our little thing was
probably easier to do just because we know each other well enough. It’s, like,
Uh, guys? Just stop, you’re only making it worse.
Sexiness: 2 + Freshness: 2 – Gay panic: 5 = -1Hot Kiss Rating!
Threeway Kiss in Y tu mamá también
What does it mean when Tenoch (Diego
Luna) passionately kisses Julio (Gael García Bernal) during their threeway with
sophisticated, intoxicating Luisa (Maribel Verdú) in the hit 2001 Mexican film Y tu mamá también? Not that the
boys are gay or bisexual, but rather that they are both suddenly overcome by
the realization that they’re sharing in a unique moment in time — a fleeting,
innocence-destroying, emotionally overwhelming interlude after which nothing
will ever be the same again.
Sexiness: 8 + Freshness: 8 – Gay panic: 0 = +16 Hot Kiss Rating!
Showdown with Fabio in Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000)
What to make of the scene in Dude,
Where’s My Car? where Seann William Scott kisses Ashton Kutcher in an
“Everything You Can Do I Can Do Better” face-off with Fabio in a neighboring
car? The kiss doesn’t really make much sense, but let’s face it: it’s pretty
damn hilarious. Then again, the absurd, surreal nature of the kiss is exactly
the reason why it’s so funny. Plus, there’s absolutely no gay panic – on the
contrary, have you ever seen actors more committed to a gag?
Who knew? Dude, Where’s My Car?
just may be the Citizen Kane of
straight men kissing on film!
Sexiness: 7 + Freshness: 8 – Gay panic: 0 = +15 Hot Kiss Rating!
Saved by the Bell’s “Masquerade Ball”
Okay, so those of us who grew up gay and watching the teen guilty pleasure Saved by the Bell were really hoping for
Slater and Zack to kiss. But would you settle for Slater and … Screech? In the
1992 episode “Masquerade Ball,” the two teens end up unknowingly macking.
Granted, they’re dressed as an astronaut and Gumbi at the time, but still!
Saved by the Bell’s Mario Lopez (“Slater”) and Dustin Diamond (“Screech”)
Sexiness: 4 + Freshness: 4 – Gay panic: 2 = +6 Hot Kiss Rating!
The Daniel Radcliffe/James Corden
In February of 2008, Gavin &
Stacey actor James Corden lip-ambushed Harry
Potter Daniel Radcliffe on stage with an unexpected kiss. Corden later told AfterElton.com, “"If
you spent enough time with Dan, you can’t help but kiss him on the mouth. It’s
a fact. There’s something magical about him, which is I imagine why he got the
part [of Harry Potter], where he just draws you in … [He’s a] wonderful,
wonderful kisser, with a beautiful penis."
All this from a straight man, mind you.
Was the kiss just another in a long line of cheeky kisses stolen at award
ceremony podiums, like Adrien Brody kissing Halle Berry at the Oscars — or
was it wholly inappropriate?
I vote for the latter. If I’d been Radcliffe, I’d have kneed him in the
balls. Then again, if I was Halle
Berry, I might have done the same
thing to Adrien Brody.
Sexiness: 2 + Freshness: 2 – Gay panic: 0 = +4 Hot Kiss Rating!
The Godfather: Part II’s “Kiss of
Michael passionately kisses Fredo Corleone in The Godfather: Part II (1974), despite their both being presumably
straight, but it’s anything but a happy lip-lock. Michael (Al Pacino) has
discovered that his brother (John Cazale) has betrayed him and the family, and
has ordered him killed, making this perhaps the most well known example of the
mafia’s infamous “kiss of death.”
Sexiness: 2 + Freshness: 2 – Gay panic: 5 = -1Hot Kiss Rating!
Victory Kiss in Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby (2006)
“I will never shake your hand, never,” Will Ferrell’s Ricky Bobby says to
rival racer Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen) after the climatic victory in this
movie. “But I will give you this.”
Then he plants him one right on the smacker.
Granted, this is technically not “straight men kissing,” since Cohen’s
character is gay, but the scene deserves a mention because it appeared in such
a hit film – one aimed at teenage boys, no less. And Cohen, in particular,
deserves some kind of mention because of this scene, and also the, uh, fearless
sequence in Borat (2006) where he and
Ken Davitian’s characters, both straight, wrestle nearly naked.
Sexiness: 5 + Freshness: 8 – Gay panic: 0 = +13 Hot Kiss Rating!
The non-Kiss the Groom kiss in I Know Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
In this 2007 Adam Sandler/Kevin
James “comedy,” two straight firefighters have to get married in order to keep
their health insurance benefits. Or something. The plot was as lame as the
dialogue and included this “wedding” between the two men.
Really? It’s better to hit another guy rather than kiss him? Thanks,
Sexiness: 0 + Freshness: 0 – Gay panic: 8 = -8 Hot Kiss Rating!
“The Kiss” in Vu du Pont
In Vu du Pont, the 1962 film
adaptation of Arthur Miller’s play A View
from the Bridge, Eddie (Raf Vallone) shows his disgust for handsome, but
effeminate Rodolpho (Jean Sorel) by saying, “I’ll show you what you’re gonna be
— what you are — what you are!” And then he kisses him violently on the mouth.
In the background, his wife Catherine screams.
Uh, wouldn’t it have been easier just to say, “Dude, you seem kinda gay”?
Sexiness: 0 + Freshness: 0 – Gay panic: 10 = -10 Hot Kiss Rating!
The Shower Kiss in Elephant
In Elephant, Gus Van Sant’s
daring, experimental 2003 film based, in part, on the Columbine shooting, the
two teenage murderers share a tender kiss in the shower before going on their
shooting spree. Some criticized the film for reinforcing the idea that mass
murders are often gay, but a better reading — one shared by director Gus Van
Sant — is that, like Y tu mamá también,
the two boys aren’t gay, but are rather joining together in a moment of
realization that they’re completely united by an experience that only they can
share and only they can understand — albeit a horrible, incredibly disturbing
Sexiness: 2 + Freshness: 5 – Gay panic: 0 = 7 Hot Kiss Rating!
Chas Licciardello on Australia’s Rove
Licciardello, one of the Australia comedy group The Chasers, gave a very clear
answer to host Rove McManus’ question “Who would you turn gay for?” in an
episode of the Australian talk show Rove,
in May of last year. Chas and Rove went for it, but the rest of the panel’s
reaction was a bit off-putting.
Sexiness: 5 + Freshness: 5 – Gay panic: 5 = 5 Hot Kiss Rating!