So You Think You Can Dance’s tenth season concluded last night in a predictable blitz of extraordinary talent, shocking versatility, and Mary Murphy’s horny yelping, and thankfully, it won’t be the last kickass finale we ever see: Czar Lythgoe announced that the show had been picked up for an 11th season, which was not a certainty until roughly 8:05 p.m. last night. Yay! Hot men oiled up in the name of Bollywood choreography and Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s leering commentary. Thank God (read: Paula Abdul’s gilded neckpiece) for this.
We’ll get to the winners in a moment, but first, a quick run-down of the revisited routines that dominated the 2+ hour telecast.
“Edge of Glory”: Paul and Makenzie Were Apparently Born This Way
Aw, lovely. Too bad I still don’t need to hear “Edge of Glory” anymore. Guys, Born This Way was not a fun album. ARTPOP seems like a fun album, “Applause” is great and the gays are turning on Gaga at a critical moment. What is this injustice? You’re going to hear me roar and stay pressed re: this.
Jasmine Harper with Marco: Thicke As Thieves
I almost included this in my five favorite routines of the season, but I’d chosen two other flawless Jasmine numbers already, so forgive me. Here, Jasmine and Marco donned Janelle Monae outfits and kicked around some Bugs Bunny vaudeville. Where was the seltzer water? “Blurred Lines” was a part of it too, and I’ll be damned, that song has a way of surviving massive overplay and still tickling your douchey dance core. I know you (don’t) want it, but it beats on.
Fik-Shun and tWitch: Going Hard, Landing Soft
Fik and tWitch should do their own nationwide tour and forget about these tap-dancing lightweights in the wings. They’re such a dominating force as a duo that I sort of wish they’d do college gigs like Fran Lebowitz and Frank Rich. They’re harsh and in your face but very palatable. Plus, Fik-Shun is kind of tiny and I imagine he could fit inside one of tWitch’s pant legs. Imagine the stagewear possibilities!
Alexis, Aaron, and Curtis: Tapped Out?
OK, congrats to these tappers for getting another chance to click their heels and go Gregory Hines on our ass, but we have to acknowledge that something is inherently hilarious about tap-dancing. Because you’re never just looking at a tap dancer’s fancy footwork; you’re also forced to ogle his goofy facial expression. And it is ALWAYS GOOFY. The look on Aaron’s face while he’s tapping (marvelously) is “Oh! Hey, hey! Wouldja look at this? Hunh! Cool, right?” And he’s not really right by that point.
Hayley and Nico: Bye, Hayley, I Will Now Be Playing the Spider Woman
Love this routine, and unfortunately a couple of stumbles prevented it from recreating the original performance’s tour de force. But God: Nico is still a cute Fred Figglehorn-haired bandit who needs a responsible blogger boyfriend. Chiiiild, I’ve got a crystal ball and a Stevie Nicks moon pendant that says I hold your fate in my wizened, 27-year-old hand.
Aaron and Kathryn: You Gotta Be Smoother, Aaron
First: Yes, that subtitle is a reference to the fact that the immortal Des’ree sang this routine’s song. I miss Des’ree! Is Dionne Farris in the building? Imani Coppola, are you present? Donna Lewis, put on your character shoes and join us! Anyway: Aaron was his fetching self here, but Kathryn is one of the show’s ultimate showstoppers. She is pure confidence. Which reminds me of Pure ’90s Hits, Vol. 2, a compilation album that might’ve contained “You Gotta Be.” Full circle, guys.
The Top 20 Men: Love Letters (To Me) In the Sand
I’d forgotten all about this sand-throwing routine, and I definitely forgot how cool it was too. Reminded me of Madonna’s dirt-smearing routine from the “Don’t Tell Me” video except this time the hot backup dancers did the dirt-smearing! God. Bless. This. Show.
Jasmine and Comfort: Girls (Bike the World)
Love Comfort. Love Jasmine. And I even love the hokey-ass beginning of this routine, one of my favorites of the whole season, where they cruise in on Schwinns like bad-ass 11-year-olds. The Beyonce tune “Run the World (Girls)” may be an obvious choice for this act, but the important thing is Jasmine and Comfort gyrated, swung, and convulsed in bedraggled flannel apparel and sports bras like T-Boz. That’s always what’s important to me.
Tucker and Robert Roldan: Boys Are Crying For Some Reason, So Now You Are Too
Awww, yeah. An undisputed classic. Tucker and Robert rubbing their chests together in sadness, carrying each other in ecstasy like Tristan and Isolde, and being “brothers” who weep into each other’s abs. I totally get it, Travis Wall. And I liked the routine even better without Tucker’s unsettling crying fit from the first go-’round. It was more about sex this way, to me.
Jenna and Mark Kanemura: ARTPOPping and Locking
Another underrated routine of the season, this one a goofy, irreverent act with a lips-shaped couch, framed portraits of eyes, and robotic, purposely stilted choreography. Jenna whipped that braid like a hot lance, and Mark vamped around her. Preeeetty gay, even if it’s ultimately just a tribute to Lady Gaga’s persona du jour.
Amy, Fik-Shun: The Hotel Camp-ifornia
I don’t doubt the complexity of this hokey spectacle; Amy and Fik-Shun wore bellboy clothes and writhed in and out of a luggage rack with tough precisison. But this routine isn’t bad-ass. It’s merely cute, and even if Amy and Fik-Shun looked like amazing extras on a certain Aaron Spelling series of the mid ’80s (holler, Heidi Bohay and Michael Spound!), these guys deserve better than this silliness.
Nigel Lythgoe And Mary Murphy Get It On. Not Kidding.
Could’ve done without Nigel and Mary playing royally horny diner employees, honestly. Watching these two grind like teenagers was about as comfortable as watching Kara DioGuardi strip down to a bikini and hoot “Vision of Love” during that eye-poppingly unnerving moment from the American Idol eighth-season finale.
Amy and Travis Wall: Thoughtful Throes
Man, this routine. Travis Wall is a seriously great crush to have. He seems cool, conversational, unpretentious, and a little naughty. And I even love him when he’s catching Amy Yakima, who flings herself about like a pretty little slingshot here. Truly flawless, and perhaps the greatest routine of the season.
And now, the winners of Season 10. Are you ready? Are we ever?
The male winner of season 10 is… Fik-Shun.
Hmmm. It’s pretty clear that Aaron was the more versatile and successful performer this season. I was rooting for him to take this crown because it, uh, belongs to him, but Fik-Shun’s tearful victory was adorable to see too. I’ll give him this: Fik-Shun had the best solos of the entire season. I barely remember most solos, but his spring back to me like a nightmare involving robot takeovers and moonwalking androids.
The female winner of season 10 is… Amy Yakima.
Woah. It’s true that Amy had a huge lead earlier in the season, and at that time she seemed like the preordained champ, but I really expected Jasmine to seal a victory with her one-of-a-kind presence and sheer sauciness. Amy is like a smilier Lauren Froderman, an unerringly genre-crossing dancer who is easy to admire and slightly less easy to love. Jasmine I loved all the way to the ends of her toes, which is somewhere in Canada, I think.
But congrats to these two hardworking and exceptional dancers. I’m glad you rule, and I’m even gladder you won’t be the last terpsichorean geniuses who will win this show. See you next year, SYTYCD buffs, and until then: Just say no to Carly Rae Jepsen’s thoughts.