Previously on Teen Wolf, Stiles got himself caught in a bear trap in the basement of an insane asylum with a steel-toothed mummy-man only to realize hours later that the steel-tooth mummy-man was him — but that didn’t stop his friends and family from going bonkers on his behalf, running around Beacon Hills like their heads (Scott) and hearts (Lydia) and pants (Derek) were on fire. Kira learned more about her supernatural Kitsune abilities. And Stiles learned that she’s really only a Kitsune Junior. It is Mrs. Yukimura who is the HBIC of the Oni.
If there’s something strange happening to your pets, who you gonna call? (Dr. Deaton!) If there’s something weird that looks like voodoo, who you gonna call (Dr. Deaton!) He ain’t afraid of no ghost/werewolf/werecoyote/Kitsune/Nogitsune/kanima/dog/cat/raccoon/beaver/wooly mammoth/vampire/sphinx/centaur/frost troll!
Which is why a Japanese crime family gives him a call and asks him to fly on over and take care of their boss’ ailing pet wolf. Oh, but this isn’t just any Japanese crime family; this crime family is headed up by the son of the Nogitsune that died in front of sexy, sexy Chris Argent and hid buddy Silverfinger Katashi all those years ago. And surprise! Their pet wolf isn’t really sick! Deaton sneaky-paralyzed him to get an in to the garden where the Nogitsune died to collect some of the moss he bled out all over, because letharia vulpina is what you use when you want to remove a demonic fox from inside a teenage boy’s body.
As usual, mayhem is going down in the parking lot of Beacon Hills General Hospital. Somebody cut a power line free from the roof and it’s swirly-twirling in the parking lot, sparks shooting out all over the place. Things go from catastrophic to catastrophic-er when the parking lot starts flooding and the wire lands in the pool of water. Dummies — including sweet, sweet Isaac — go running into the electric lake and get themselves sizzled. Everyone’s screaming and crying and so Kira walks right into the water and picks up the power line and snuffs out the sparks like when you lick your fingers and pinch a birthday cake candle.
Her mom rushes her inside and asks her if she’s never read a comic book or seen a superhero movie or anything because you don’t just go around revealing your supernatural powers to small town folks if you want to stay alive.
Isaac, also, gets rushed inside because of how his insides are fried like eggs. When Scott and Allison are finally allowed to visit him, they’re shocked that he’s not healing. Scott can’t help with that and since Deaton’s not answering his phone to provide cryptic half-answers to Scott’s pack’s latest life-threatening dilemmas, so Scott does his pain-sucker thing on Isaac to help him rest a little bit.
Stiles has been missing for 48 hours and even though he texts his dad and tells him he’s safe and not to worry, Sheriff Stilinski is very worried, in no small part because Stiles is doing the same kind of weird stuff Mrs. Stilinski did when her brain cloud was killing her. Never one to shy away from making things worse, Agent McCall busts up into the sheriff’s office and asks if, in addition to the creatures coming out of the Hellmouth on the daily, Beacon Hills has been having in trouble with the Japanese mob.
At school, where these kids go every day no matter who is missing or dead or being eaten alive by fireflies, no matter if the band gets possessed by pissy Celtic spirits and every other teacher has ties to the literal devil, Kira tells Scott that she went home and did a little research after saving the city from collective electrocution and what she discovered is that the Nogitsune is coming after the people of Beacon Hills because someone offended him, like a lot. They don’t know who could have done such a thing, but I’m just going to put my five dollars in the pool and say it was Peter Hale.
In the locker room, Coach Finstock says everyone has to write a heartfelt message inside Isaac’s get well card, and when Danny volunteers to go first, Coach pats him on the ass and says, “That a boy, but keep it PG!” Ha! Coach reads Tumblr! While the rest of the team worries over Isaac, Scott and Ethan and Aiden hear one of Chris Argent’s emitters going off in the boiler room, so they trek down there and find Stiles all confused smiles and promises that it’s really him and not the demon ninja ghost fox inside of him. To prove it, he offers up this bag of supplies he found himself carrying when he regained consciousness. It’s full of ropes and maps and various destructive Acme products. Dynamite. Explosive tennis balls. Earthquake pills. A do-it-yourself tornado kit.
Upstairs in the hallway, Lydia sees Peter talking to her mom outside her classroom. She storms over to demand an explanation, but he smiles and toodles on out of there, leaving a swooning Mrs. Martin in his wake. He said he was there from the health department, to do hearing tests on the students, and he left his card. Lydia snatches his “card” away from her mom; it’s just a piece of notebook paper with his phone number on it.
Other Hales out doing biznesss: Derek. He breaks into Chris’ house and smashes an Argent emitter into his desk and says to stop leaving those things lying around! They give him a headache! Chris says he did no such thing, Derek says yes he did, Chris says nu uh, Derek says uh huh. They grab at each other and smolder in each other’s faces for a while. (Shipppping it!)
When they finally find the strength to stop staring at each other, Chris notices that one of his cabinets is unlocked. He opens it up and finds a suitcase full of cash. He says it’s $150,000 right as Agent McCall walks in and goes, “Well, isn’t that funny. I found this silver finger belonging to Japanese crime lord Silverfinger Katashi, and also a note that says the price on his head was $150,000.”
Derek and Peter go to jail.
The Get Along Gang realizes that Stiles has booby trapped the cross country trail, which is a bummer for a couple of reasons, the biggest one of which is: Danny and Kira are in a foot race and they are both so bamboozled when she goes sprinting past him into the woods. He doesn’t have time to ponder what the hell is going on with Kira because Ethan comes running out of nowhere and tackles him to the ground. Danny goes, “… the fuck, man?” And Ethan says, “I, uh, missed you?” And they make right out on the leaves. Scott does the same thing to Kira, but without the tackling, and she doesn’t even care; she’s just so hyped about how far and how fast she can run now that her Kitsune powers are kicking in.
The guys manage to stop the rest of the class from running into Stiles’ trap, which, it turns out, is just a length of industrial strength chain buried in the leaves. Coach yells at him about oh good job, Stilinski and then he triggers a different trap and gets shot in the chest with an arrow. While he’s writhing around on the ground talking about, “Crap, crap, crap” Stiles turns his puppy eyeballs to Scott and says, “Oh, but if there was just some way someone could help him hurt less! Someone with a supernatural pain-sucking ability!” And so Scott does that.
When the ambulance and the police show up, Stiles and the sheriff hug it out while Scott and Ethan and Aiden find wrapping paper in Stiles’ jeep. Wrapping paper like what they used on Coach’s birthday present. A birthday present rigged with the same explosive technology that William “Shrapnel Bomber” Barrow used to blow up school buses. And on a school bus in the parking lot holding a wrapped present in his lap? Vomiting Jared from the cross country team.
Except, guess what? It’s not a bomb in his lap. It actually is just a present.
The real bomb is at the police station.
Lydia and Allison hit up Hale’s Home for Wayward Werepups so Lydia can find out why Peter was skulking around school today. He tries to make Allison leave, but they remind him that every time he ends up alone with Lydia, she either ends up mauled half to death on the lacrosse field or being used as a vessel for his resurrection. So, no. Thank you. Allison will stay right where she is. What Peter tells Lydia is that he can help her make better use of her banshee powers in exchange for her helping him figure out what kind of memory Talia stole from him before she died. She learns: That screaming just helps her clear her mind so she can hear the supernatural world better. And he learns: That he isn’t just an uncle.
It’s one of the weirdest-worded things ever on Teen Wolf and this show spends a full third of its on-air time explaining arcane mythology to us. At first, I thought she was saying Derek is his son? Which felt waaaay too Game of Thrones-y? But no, she was saying that Malia, the werecoyote, is his kid. She doesn’t tell him that, though. She tells him half the story and he threatens to kill her for the rest of it and Allison smashes him with her electric stick, like Aunt Kate taught her. She also threatens to shove it up his butt, but it doesn’t come to that.
Back at school, Mrs. Yamikura, whose “tails” (which are basically her souls, I think) are hidden in a random book in her husband’s classroom, gives up a couple more of her fox lives to summon more Oni to deal with Stiles.
Beacon Hills High PD. Phones are ringing and officers are running to and fro and Derek and Chris are saying they’re not going to risk their lives for each other, but when the bomb goes off in Sheriff Stilinski’s office, Derek does save Chris’ life by diving on top of him. As a reward, he gets a zillion shrapnels in his back. Some officers die. Other officers bleed all over the place. Scott and Stiles show up and the whole time Stiles is just like, “Hey, use your pain-sucker power on this guy, Scott! And this guy! And this guy over here too!” When they realize the Oni are coming for Stiles, they make a break for Deaton’s office, hoping the mountain ash will keep them at bay long enough for Scott to figure out what to do next.
The Oni catch up with them in the parking lot. Kira and Scott push Stiles inside and fight them off as best they can. Kira marvels at her new ninja abilities and so does Scott and so do I. It’s a good action sequence; sadly, it ends with Scott getting impaled on a sword.
Kira drags him inside, away from the Oni, and Stiles is like, “Oh, thank God you locked them out … so they can’t stop me from torturing you!” He clubs Kira over the head and laughs in Scott’s face about how he should have read Hogwarts, A History. If he had, he’s know that Nogitsune feed off chaos and pain, and so Stiles will be at full power once he sucks all the pain out of Scott that Scott sucked out of the people that were wounded by Stiles’ mastermind chaos all day. Dylan O’Brien is frikkin’ ace in this scene. Unfortunately, he only gets to monologue for a minute or two because Deaton is back from Japan with his letharia vulpina, which he stabs right into Stiles’ neck.
Deaton starts in with his shit about, “Born out of the blood of a Nogitsune, this lichen…” and Scott goes, “Can it, asshole. Is Stiles alive or what?” Deaton makes that one face he makes and says, “…for now.”
Next week: All the people who were on death’s doorstep this week return to school and work thanks to Melissa McCall’s medical genius. Peter steals Allison’s electric stick and stashes it in his top dresser drawer for a little rainy day experimentation. Derek and Chris go on a weekend road trip to Las Vegas where their inhibitions come down and their special feelings come up. And all the teenagers of Beacon Hills continue to find time to make out with each other despite the fact that every day is a day they will all be murdered.