“Teen Wolf” 4.08: Only the Wolves Die Young

Team Scott sets a trap for the Benefactor. Lydia searches for answers. And Derek plays with guns.

Previously on Teen Wolf…. Someone named The Benefactor decided it was time to kill to death all the supernatural peoples in Beacon Hills and to that end put prices on the heads of all creatures great and small. First up on Team Killer there was the terrifying Mute with his flying machete. Then came the psycho Orphans with their deadly sports equipment. And then the B team showed up with the excruciatingly boring Chemist. But Scott has promised no more people die on his watch, so everything should be totally fine now.

We kick off with Stiles in bed, which is always a good place to start. Naturally, he wears more clothes to bed than any human being ever has a reason to, but whatever. He’s still cute. Even when he rolls over and cuddles up with Malia, it’s still adorable. Of course, we instantly know it’s a dream sequence because there is no way Stiles is the big spoon. Like ever.

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Meanwhile, Mr. McCall is filing his own report and logging his own gun into evidence, because that is totally how I.A. investigations work. He then apologizes to Scott because he has to run off to San Francisco to see his superiors about the shooting and he’ll probably miss Scott’s first game. He also wants to be sure that Scott understands he was totally right to blow the Chemist’s brains out all over Stiles’ face.

He then goes on to explain to his teenage son how one makes peace with killing folk, as any good father would. And then he tells Scott that when he gets back, they’re going to have a little chat about the fact that neither Scott nor his friends seem to care in the slightest about the fact that people are dropping dead all around them.

Scott’s all, “Eh, it’s Beacon Hills. You get used to it.”

“Well, you never even talk about this stuff. Like, you know, the love of your life Allison who died about three weeks ago.”

“Allison who?”

“Right. Okay, we’ll chat when I get back.”

Team Scott has a plan, which is always good for laughs. We’re not privy to the details, but we do know thanks to Stiles that it’s “incredibly dangerous and borderline idiotic.” So, basically like all their other plans since ever.

Liam, my favorite cast addition, is very concerned. He asks if they’ve done something like this before, and Kira assures him that they pretty much live their lives doing dangerous and idiotic things. That’s pretty normal for teenagers these days. Only difference is that Team Scott doesn’t film them and put them on Vine.

Anyway, so then Scott dies.

Moving on to Derek’s Loft of Lust, we have Jan Brady Iron Maiden Dan Berry Braeden waking up in Derek’s bed alone. I imagine, as many people that have died there, she feels right at home. She sneaks over to sleep-grope Derek, which would be skeevy if it were a guy doing it to a girl but because it’s a girl doing it to a guy, it’s hot. Or something. Derek catches her and tells her to keep her hands to herself. She just wanted a peak, though.

Don’t we all?

I honestly don’t remember where this wound of his came from. Hopefully, someone in the gallery can help me out because I am drawing a blank. In any case, it’s not healing because he’s basically mortal now. No glowing eyes, no claws, no healing factor. Even his Sour Wolf Brood is gone. It’s very sad.

A quick search on the internet would tell him that just about any ailment can be cured by extensive applications of sex with Stiles. Repeated treatments could be necessary. There are whole websites dedicated to describing the ways in which this cure should be applied.

Melissa McCall finds out her son is dead and implodes. My instant gut reaction at hearing her heart-rending scream of anguish was that if Scott didn’t warn her about this plan, he would never ever be forgiven by me. Second reaction was that if he did tell her, Melissa missed her calling as an actress.

Then we get a peak at the plan, flashing back to Scott’s bedroom. Kira looks edgy. Liam looks flat-out panicked. He wants to be super-duper sure that his alpha is going to be coming back from this because otherwise he will have to unleash a devastating pout on them all.

Kira’s mother assures him she’s seen it done successfully once, which isn’t actually assuring, as Kira points out.

“Good. This is a terrible idea,” says Mrs Yukimura.

I truly love her. The mothers on this show just rock.

Speaking of whom, we cut back to the present and the utterly ruined Melissa. No, this wasn’t acting. She was really in that moment. She comes into the morgue and looks at Scott’s body and says, “I still hate this plan.”

Thank goodness.

What they didn’t tell her was that if Scott isn’t revived by the end of the episode in forty-five minutes, then he will be all dead instead of mostly dead, at which point all that they will be able to do is go through his pockets for loose change. I really hate how every show seems to have to have some miracle drug, Vulcan death pinch thing to make a person seem dead. Seriously, that hoary old plot has been going on since the Greek myths. But I give TW props for saying this really only works when you have an Alpha and a Kitsune.

At least, that will be the case until it’s no longer convenient.

They waste about fifteen of the forty-five minutes having Stiles go to Chris Argent’s house to give him advice on how to take credit for killing Scott. Yes, Stiles makes every scene better just by being there, but when you’re on the clock does this really make sense?

Back in the loft, Braeden offers to teach Derek how to bend. Kinky…. Boring, but kinky. And blah blah training, blah blah manufactured sexual tension, blah blah sex. I mean, I get it. He has a gaping wound. He doesn’t even know her last name. She’s mysterious and will basically kill anyone for money. Sex is the only logical outcome from that scenario.

Oh hey dream sequence! I love dream sequences … about as much as I love standing in line at the post office. And even though Scott is ostensibly naked on the slab, we still barely get any skin as he slides down a long shaft. On the upside, at least Scott is dreaming of Liam. Liam smiling at him. Liam calling him the Alpha. Liam wanting to play with him.

Liam being horribly murdered…. Hey! Not acceptable! If you are going to torture puppies then you need to slap one of those warning labels on the episode about “mature content.” You know, the sort of label you reserve for when two dudes make out on the show?

Malia goes back into the Hale vault to look around for something. She breaks the handle off a safe and then opens the door, which is totally not the way safes work but okay. Inside she finds her adoption records. Ah, okay, so the woman in the car wasn’t her mom. That makes more sense. A mama coyote giving up her cub? Not so much.

Peter confronts her and is basically hotness personified. He tells her he got those records for her, which is undoubtedly a lie. He lets her see them but won’t let her take them because…. Hey, Pete is really handsome when he’s all smirky. Given his general dislike of teenagers, one has to assume he’s having some problems dealing with the idea he is a father to one.

Malia’s all, “You murdered people. Like, seriously murdered and not in the nice, kill them and eat them for dinner way.”

“Well, I went nuts from being in a coma. What can you do?” Peter explains.

“Fair point.”

Somewhere out there is Malia’s coyote mom. I am delighted the show decided to make sense of one of the eighty-four things that don’t make sense about Malia, but I can’t say I actually care about this whole Mom Quest thing. I like that Teen Wolf lets the parents be a part of the story, but I think we’re full up at the inn. No more parent characters required.

Meanwhile, on another TV show, the title of which I think is “Teen Banshee” we have Lydia at the lake house trying to figure stuff out. Her mom wants to know what’s up with her and when Lydia shows her the picture of Meredith, her mom totally recognizes her. Whoah! That’s huge. How does she know Meredith?

“These are your grandmother’s ashes.”

Wait, what? What does that have to do with the massive reveal mom just dropped? Can we get back to the Meredith topic?

“Gramma died at Eichen house…”

Yes, yes, yes, but Meredith? Hello?

So, gramma Martin was a banshee too, it seems. She may or may not be dead. Her ashes are actually mountain ash. The whole lake house is made with mountain ash. Gramma probably knew Lydia was a banshee and had plans for her and may even be tied to the Benefactor. Which is all really interesting (and maddeningly vague) but what is the effing deal with Meredith?

Instead of the Benefactor, it’s Crazy Kate and the Pips who show up to grab Scott’s body. But she’s not the Benefactor, which we all knew since we watched her slaughter a bunch of people trying to find the mystery villain. We also know she’s allied with Peter, but he insists he also is not the Benefactor. So really this helps us not at all with the mystery.

But it gives us the chance to watch Kira and Liam get soundly thrashed by a Berzerker, which is really not even a little bit interesting. You know what would have been cool? If Liam had gone all IED and torn the beasite to shreds. Then he could be all angsty and we could have some character development and some FEELS. How would Scott even deal with his beta killing something? With this whole episode having some weird morality talk about how sometimes you gotta kill folk, it seems like that would have been a good plot point.

Kate and Chris square off and it’s a stalemate given that he has a great big gun and she kind of doesn’t want to kill her brother. Chris tells her to take her playmates and go so she doesn’t wreck their already-wrecked plan. Kate relents because all she really needed to do was confirm that Scott wasn’t in fact dead.

Before the carnage is over, though, Mrs. Yukimura is hurt by one of the Berzerkers—I think, we never actually saw. It’s just one of the many unanswered questions of this episode.

Malia comes over to Stiles’ house and I guess they’re back together. She is a little worried that she might have inherited her father’s psychotic murderous impulses, but Stiles doesn’t think that’s true. Granted, she murdered her whole adopted family when she was eight, but that was years ago and they probably deserved it for making her do all the housework and not letting her go to the prince’s ball.

Scott thinks that their failure is a success because it means the Benefactor is a banshee, which makes really no sense at all but it’s so cute watching Scott’s enthusiasm that an idea accidenally entered his brain that I’ll just let it go. Still, I think I liked it better when we just knew who the bad guy was and all we had to do was wait until Stiles figured out a way to stop them.

Kate lets Peter know that Scott’s not dead, which Peter rejoices over. I think this has less to do with him wanting Scott to live a long and happy life and more to do with the idea that at some point he plans to totally kill Scott and take his powers. But then, this is Peter who is the only enigma on this show that I really enjoy. I think that’s because he is the only puzzle I think the writers may have any idea of what they’re doing with.

At the lakehouse, Lydia’s mom gives her the last thing gramsy wrote down before whatever happened to her happened to her. And it seems to be the List. At least it’s a code. Wouldn’t it be a kick if it was just gramsy’s secret recipe for the world’s tastiest chocolate chip cookies?

So, we have four episodes left and I basically have no idea what’s going on, who they’re fighting, why the Benefactor wants them dead or whether Liam is a boxers or briefs guy. Essentially, I know about as much now as I did from watching the previews for season four, which is kind of not enjoyable.

How do you guys feel about S4, here at the 2/3 mark? Sound off in the comments!