I was thinking about sexy presidents for the hell of it, when it occurred to me: Hey! It’s the Fourth of July. Let’s think seriously about foxy prezzes and rank which presidential moments dazzled us with studly command. Here are my five. Contribute yours below, then have a kickass 4th.
5. Calvin Coolidge only speaks to remind you he is funny as hell.
Calvin Coolidge may look like an average retired dentist, but his signature dry-as-hell humor is my version of bubbling-under carnality. When asked if he enjoyed any hobbies, he replied, “I hold office.” When a woman approached Coolidge and told him she made a bet that she could get “more than two words” out of him, he replied, “You lose.” He took two-hour naps every day because, according to him, you can’t make bad decisions when you’re asleep. Hunh!
If the hottest men have the driest humor, then in that case, “Silent Cal” may be the sexiest president ever.
4. Franklin Pierce fends off a mob with logic and that sultry chin
Now, this probably wouldn’t be as sexy if Franklin Pierce weren’t an undeniable fox, but go with me. Pierce, a critic of Abraham Lincoln’s order to suspend habeas corpus, found himself at his home greeted by an angry mob following Lincoln’s assassination. They howled at him for not displaying a flag and showing off his American pride, and Pierce calmly replied that he didn’t need to resort to theatrics to prove he’s an American. By the end of the mini-quarrel, the crowd even cheered Pierce. You have to love a man who uses his hotness powers to quell the masses.
3. Ronald Reagan tangles with a hot-and-bothered James Dean
Ronald Reagan is by no means a sexual icon (or anything close to a gay icon), but I’ll give him this: As an actor, he was a handsome and reliable presence, even in stupid movies. Or on melodramatic TV episode of G.E. Theatre! Bonzo’s master starred in an episode of the seminal series, and he quarreled with a teary-eyed, unhinged, and devilishly sexy James Dean. Man, oh man. Dean even waves a gun in Reagan’s face and says, “I’m a big man! Take a look at it. I’m a big man!” Almost 60 years after James Dean’s death, we’re still checking his killer jeans to see just how big a man he is.
2. Bill Clinton bops on Arsenio
Arsenio Hall Show shenanigans. Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell vogueing! A shocking performance by a new band called Radiohead! An uprising in the Dog Pound! But the defining guest on Arsenio was the sax-wielding Bill Clinton, who blared out “Heartbreak Hotel” to a captive and shocked audience. Come on. That’s pretty bad-ass. Whatever hotness you’ve assigned to Bill over the years, it began with this.
1. Barack Obama sings Al Green
Yes. Barack Obama outcrooned Bill Clinton when he opened a speech with a few bars of “Let’s Stay Together,” sounding really damn good. News: “Let’s Stay Together” is cooler than “Heartbreak Hotel.” The combination of shyness and confidence Obama exudes is the real kicker here. Hell yes and god bless America.
Your turn. What’s the sexiest presidential moment? Did I mention I have never found John F. Kennedy attractive?