Remember when we tallied the 8 Most Annoying Gay Male Characters in TV History? That turned out to be very cathartic for me, and I thank you for joining me on that annoying journey. But the saga isn’t over yet: Now we’re counting off the nine most annoying reality TV stars in history, and I may need your help in naming offenders 10-150. Contribute those in the comments.
Word of caution: “Annoying” is sometimes an awesome trait. Definitely not always, but I make notice of the reality stars who rightfully wear the honor of “most annoying” like a badge of honor.
1. Survivor’s Colton Cumbie
Yeah, nothing about this guy deserves a badge of honor. Can you believe there was a time when we’d have considered Richard Hatch one of the most annoying gay contestants on a reality series? Oh, our innocence! Survivor: One World’s Colton Cumbie was a racist, lazy, entitled player who’d honestly have been controversial enough if he were just a gay Republican. But ohhhh no: He had to incite rage wherever he walked, and now I’d say he’s one of the most detested reality stars of the past ten years. The way he’d holler “Kill yourself” at everyone continues to ring in my ears.
2. The Real World Hawaii’s Justin Deabler
There have been more incendiary gay figures to emerge from The Real World than Hawaii’s Justin, but he somehow remains his own brand of smug nuisance in the series. Up until Hawaii, The Real World had given us plenty of solid and entertaining gay cast members, including New York’s Norman, San Francisco’s beloved Pedro, and Miami’s hilarious and kickass Dan. But Hawaii’s Justin was a Harvard Law student who essentially declared himself superior to his castmates, and he’d sometimes spew “witticisms” like “Teck’s shtick is so tired, it’s comatose.” While Amaya’s nagging, whiny relationship with Colin was the most notably annoying feature of the season, Justin’s unfunny condescension still sticks out as particularly lame. Even his abrupt, mid-season departure was annoying!
3. Big Brother’s Ragan Fox
I have to give credit Ragan for being such an emotional player during the twelfth season of Big Brother, because we needed something to “entertain” us in that relatively dull cycle. His blowup at the awful Rachel became one of the show’s all-time highpoints, but his unending whining and teary fits were pretty damn eyeroll-inducing. And as much as Rachel could be mean and catty, his retorts were often just as unnecessarily cutting. Still: I appreciated his professorial intelligence!
4. Project Runway’s Suede
Following the triumph of Christian Siriano in season four, we began to see more Project Runway contestants who desperately wanted to prove their quipping abilities. One such failure was Suede. He named himself Suede, guys. That alone qualifies him for inclusion. But he also enjoyed pointing finger-guns at the camera, feigning sass in his confessionals, and earning way too much praise for his designs.
5. Project Runway’s Joshua McKinley
I nearly gave this slot to season eight “all-star” Michael Costello, but Josh McKinley’s b*tchy, firestarting strangehold on the ninth season of Project Runway gives me a particularly harsh migraine. His fights with other cast members occurred so randomly and so often, you’d think he’d have been able to step back, lay off the yappy egotism, and settle down. But no. The producers clearly thought they had a winning personality on their hands, and we were forced to endure his incessant shenanigans until the very end of the season. Ugh.
6. High Society’s Paul Johnson Calderon
Wait, wait: Did you not SEE High Society? Oh, for shame. Here’s a hint: It’s not much like Grace Kelly movie. High Society was a 2010 reality show about New York “socialite” Tinsley Mortimer and her awful posse. The resident homosexual was a spoiled, freeloading, jobless brat named Paul Johnson Calderon, who, in his finest moment, blinded a random bar patron by carelessly tossing his drink across the room. He fled the scene as cops arrived. I kind of admire him?
7. American Idol’s Danny Noriega
Confession: I am OBSESSED with American Idol seventh-season semifinalist Danny Noriega. How can you not love an Idol alum whose Twitter bio reads “Musical prostitute & lovely creature of the night”? I don’t think he cleared that with Randy Jackson, y’all. Noriega has to be the sassiest contestant in Idol history, and not just because he neck-thrusted at Simon Cowell, snarked to his face, and put the dismissive barrister in his place. He was also so openly annoying, said the word “like” about 400 times in every sentence, and once relayed an anecdote where he said he turned “red as a cute little tomato.” He is immortal, my one true Idol savior, and the most glamorously annoying contestant ever.
8. Shear Genius’ Charlie Price
Condescension is probably the most annoying human attribute, and Charlie from the second season of Bravo’s hairstyling competition Shear Genius spewed condescension like an insufferable version of Old Faithful. He loved to deride his fellow contestants in confessional and finish his statements with a self-satisfied grimace. Note to all future reality contestants: You’re not sassy if you resort to the same grimace again and again. While Charlie did have professional chops when it came to cutting and styling hair, he was tough to stomach for an entire season. On an unrelated note: I miss the marvelous Nekisa!
9. The Entire Casts of The A-List: New York and The A-List: Dallas — But Let’s Focus on TJ Kelly
I could sit here and remind you of Reichen Lehmkuhl’s boring line of pilot jewelry or rehash Derek’s stupid tanning excursions, but I’d rather focus on A-List: New York supporting player TJ Kelly’s aggressive attention-whoring. It was annoying, overbearing, and (sigh) actually pretty funny. Once he crowed, “If you believe you live an A-list life, you live an A-list life.” Haha, right.
His uncanny ability to throw tantrums about any given subject was pretty staggering too; I seem to remember that he once screeched about how it’s not OK to hit women? And it isn’t, but we don’t need TJ to tell us that. Furthermore, his unwarranted rage against Austin was damn engaging. Austin’s somebody you just want to be mad at. I concur with Mr. Kelly in all of his mindless crusades.
BONUS: American Idol’s Ellen DeGeneres
Never forget how annoying, un-helpful, and pandering the usually-pretty-fun Ms. DeGeneres was as a judge on American Idol. She tortured me with her roundabout, ineffectual “critiques” during Idol’s ninth season, its darkest to date. She couldn’t even lob an insult at Lee DeWyze, and you know what happened? He won American Idol. Yes, I blame Ellen.
Please add your own! I can’t do this important work without you.