“The Amazing Race” Recap: Speed(o)ing Through Moscow!

Previously on The Amazing Race, teams traveled to Istanbul, Turkey, where we enjoyed the view as several of them stripped down in a Turkish bath. Trey & Lexi scored their first 1st place finish along with a trip to Australia. Brent & Josh overcame a Speed Bump penalty for finishing last in the previous Leg to stay in the race, albeit in last place. Rob & Kelley fell to the back of the pack and were Philiminated. And Natalie & Nadiya proved themselves to be lying thieving scumbags when they pocketed cash dropped by James & Abba, forcing Team Headbang to beg in the streets of Bangladesh. Also still Racing: Jaymes & James and Ryan & Abbie.

In Leg 7, teams flew from Istanbul to Moscow. There they faced the choice of “Alphabetized” or “Synchronized” in the Detour. In “Alphabetized” teams had to locate four books in the Russian State Library using the Cyrillic-language card catalog. In “Synchronized” teams had to learn and perform a routine with the Russian national synchronized swimming team. The evening’s Roadblock required one team member to unlock a series of ten locks from a “love tree” to retrieve the clue to locate the Pit Stop, the Bolshoi Theatre.

Trey & Lexi

Team Longhorn opted for “Alphabetized” and made surprisingly short work of the task. Not that their superior knowledge of Cyrillic came into play; they just looked at the letters like pretty pictures. They found the “love trees” and Trey started sweating bigger and bigger bullets as Lexi spotted wedding party after wedding party and dropped ever larger and larger hints about putting a ring on it.

Trey powered through the Roadblock and he and Lexi checked in as team number one for the second Leg in a row, winning a romantic getaway to Maui.

Jaymes & James

Unsurprisingly the boys from Chippendales chose the Detour option that got them the nakedest. They worked their Speedos and flowered swim caps but were bitterly disappointed when the coach wouldn’t let them wear their bow ties in the pool.

After a couple of mis-steps, or should I say mis-strokes, they finished the routine and went on to the Roadblock. James knocked it out and they arrived at the Pit Stop as team number two.

Natalie & Nadiya

Team Scumbags shockingly received no retroactive penalty for their crime. They had trouble catching a cab at the Moscow airport and blamed it on being brown, because every cab driver in Russia is racist. They struggled with the swimming routine at first and blamed it all on their instructor for not speaking English. Damn foreigners. They considered skipping it using the Express Pass but Team Chippendale encouraged them to stick it out.

I have no idea which one did the Roadblock but they bitched and moaned at each other all the way through. In the cab to the Pit Stop they explained that even though they may fight bitterly with each other at the end of the day they’re always very close. Yep, they’re thick as thieves. They checked in with Phil in 3rd place.

James & Abba

Bad luck continued to plague Team Headbang. After first making no headway with “Alphabetized” they decided to switch to “Synchronized”. The swimming coach was terrified by them, although whether it was their bodies crammed into tiny Speedos or their hair crammed into tiny swim caps that scared her worse she didn’t say.

Abba took the Roadblock and, realizing the task would take quite a while, they decided to release their cab driver. Sadly, their driver decided to release himself, vanishing into the streets of Moscow with all of their belongings, including their passports. A dejected Team Headbang was the fourth team to arrive at the Pit Stop, but without their travel documents Phil was unable to check them in.

Brent & Josh and Ryan & Abbie

Team Beekman and Team No-nickname stupidly gambled on a flight to get them to Moscow at 2 AM instead of 4 AM with the other teams. As if anything was going to be open at either 2 AM or 4 AM. It’s called bunching, people! They missed the connection and wound up stranded in Frankfurt, Germany overnight. They made an idiotic pact to run the Leg together and arrived in Moscow a half a day behind the other Racers. Because the library had closed by the time they got the Detour clue both teams did “Synchronized” by default. Ryan & Abbie got through it pretty quickly and inexplicably chose to wait around for Team Beekman to finish. Brent, a weak swimmer, had great difficulty with the routine and as the episode drew to a close he and Josh were the only team not to have completed the Detour.

With the fates of three teams still a mystery, we see those three dreaded words – “To Be Continued”.

The Amazing Metrics

Hopelessly Lost but Making Good Time: James & Abba. Despite switching Detour tasks, something that has often sealed a team’s doom, Team Headbang still ran a good Leg. But the loss of their possessions and travel documents may be a blow they can’t recover from.

Don’t Make Me Come Back There: Natalie & Nadiya. Their lying thieving asses need to just shut up.

Cruising: Trey & Lexi. A lot of people wrote them off as lightweights but with four finishes in the top two including two back to back firsts, they’ve shown they’re worthy of respect.

Had the lying thieving twins been penalized I would have given this Leg a perfect score but because they got away with it I must deduct one and give it Four Phlying Phils!


Bonus shots