The Arrangement Recap: "OMG! That Is Our Models??"

The Bee Orchid (Ophyrs apifera) is a master of deception. Generally found in temperate climates, this flower uses more than just colors and scents to attract pollinators, it uses sex appeal. With a blossom that resembles a female bee, the Bee Orchid draws unsuspecting male bees towards it, then uses the insects for its own purposes.

When the curtain rises on this week’s show, our intrepid designers were still mourning the loss of Eddie. Poor, loud Eddie. You were as sassy as you were passive aggressive and, like a unibrow covered in nair, you shall truly be missed. “What’s the story, Morning Glories?” But before we could dry our tears, GLG burst onto the scene with this week’s Seedling Challenge. I wonder if The Arrangement pursued a tie-in with that Rachel McAdams movie that’s coming out. If they didn’t, they should have.

Since Eric was off picking lilies in Zimbabwe or something, the designers had a guest judge for the challenge from Flaming Flower Productions. Now that company sounds like it would throw a pretty solid party. If it came down to it, I’m pretty sure anyone would pick Flaming Flower Productions over some company like “floral occasions” or “blooms ‘n more.” At least I would hope so.

GLG and the substitute teacher for the day, told the designers that they would each have to put a piece together around a fancy, stiletto shoe. Flowers and Shoes! What, are you trying to take away all the magical fairy people’s business or something? What is the next challenge going to be? Creating a rainbow? In fact, I think you could actually argue that it was but we’ll get to that in a second.

So back at Payless’ BOGO Bouquet One Garden One Event, the floral competitors ran around the room and each got a shoe and some flowers. This part of the challenge always seems to involve running in some way. Clearly this reality show is a marathon and not a sprint. Anil got a stripper shoe which he didn’t seem to realize was the perfect match for him, and everyone else started throwing grass and stuff at their shoes. As one should.

A lot of the shoe arrangement designs seemed to involve bulbous objects. Derek created this War of the Worlds tripod monstrosity that made me fear for my life, and Anil started sticking some thistles on his working girl’s sole. “Girl, I got a thistle on my shoe.” Tara’s arrangement, in particular, looked like a very faaaancy lady with a lot of silver and dark burgundy. Glamour Shoe Bouquet, dahling.

Guillermo’s finished piece looked like a brunch platter at a U-Pick stand on the side of I-95, and Tenley seemed to interpret her “party shoe” to mean that she had to make her arrangement look wasted. Uh Oh… I feel a tear coming on… Cut to:

“I’m probably going home”

I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl with a Mohawk with less gumption. Anil ended up winning the Seedling Challenge with his thistle missile, and then everyone walked to a different room where the production crew had set up the Wonka Vision machine. For the Weedout Challenge this week, America’s Florists would be art directing a photo shoot of arrangements they put together with some Secret Surprise Models. The photos would have to celebrate “flowers on television.” For who could forget such seminal classics as “Rhoda (Dendron)” or “Orchids Incorporated.”

Off to the flower market!

There was chaos per usual at LA’s neighborhood “stems n stuff store.” Guillermo went for some flowers that were same color of his t-shirt which had “the yellow and the green.” Derek couldn’t find the orange gladiolas he needed, so he just bought some yellow ones that he’s going to paint? Don’t worry, he’s “art directed photo shoots before” so he’ll be fine on this challenge. I’m assuming he’s talking about the annual step and repeat at the Lake Superior Yachting Party but I could be wrong.

Back in the working room, Guillermo shared some daddy issues with the viewing audience at home and then they broke for the night.

“My father didn’t know what flowers meant to me.” Guillermo loves flowers.

Eric survived his expedition to the Himalayas for a rare species of air orchids, and he was back the next morning to survey the scene. The doctor is in, honey! Anil’s arrangements for his shoot were coming together nicely with a lot of dark, deep colors and reds. Meanwhile, Tara was making a teepee. Derek’s groupings looked a little too “Halloween” and Tenley’s plan was to just have her model throw some flowers around so, uh, strong choice? All of a sudden, everyone was BLINDED BY THE LIGHT as GLG returned in a show stopping sparkle number (“this old thing?”) and introduced the florists to their models… wait for it… wait for it…

WELCOME BACK, LADEEZ!!!

Like a red rose on a layer of freshly fallen snow, the sight of these gals was quite refreshing. I hope they got their shoes back, though. Since Anil won the Seedling Challenge, he got to assign each of the designers their flower model. He picked JuJubee for himself, gave Tara Morgan McMichaels, Raven to Derek, Tammie Brown to Tenley, and Guillermo got Shannel. When all the pairs were standing together, it kind of reminded me of the end of the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland where all the ghosts hitchhike home with you home in your car. But far more fabulous than that, of course.

Bless these girls’ hearts, they just kept on saying that “they would do anything” for their TV flower shoots. Madame Ru hath taught them well. The only pair that seemed to be having any issues was Tenley and Tammie, because TamTam wasn’t able to get as angry as Tenley wanted for her anti-flower hate PSA. “Are you really on Earth with me here??” She asked in frustration. No, Tenley. No she is not.

Tammie. Brown. Trouble.

All of the TV flower shoots were pretty fierce. A lot of straddling blossoms and such. Morgan McMichaels was eating petals at one point and it was like, “Girl is hungry!! Can we get craft services over here or something???” Tenley ended up just having Tammie rip apart flowers like that guy from Cape Fear, and Anil finished way early and got in some photos himself. Not cool A-baby. Eric B. has eyes everywhere. Watch yo back. AND Anil barely even used Jujubee AT ALL in his shoot which I believe is a crime in some states.

Eric was back at the judges table, with Justin Howard from EXTREME RAGING FLORAL FLAMING FIREBALLS or whatever, and guest host RuPaul! Yeah! Guillermo’s photo turned out pretty nice with a lot of yellow orchids and red accents. The photo also included a drag queen who wasn’t wearing any panties so that was also a nice classy. The judges were NOT A FAN, however, of Tara’s finished photo which is upsetting because she built a small Native American Resort and Casino for it.

Then we came to Derek. Which, can I just say I loved his photo?? Eric for some reason detested the entire left side of it though, and made poor pixie DerDer cry. Didn’t you just want to give him a big hug? Instead, RuPaul asked “What is it? What are you feeling?” (Girl knows her way around a good reality show soundbite) and GLG just decided to move on because she had a pre-cocktail drink date to get to in 15 minutes. “Thank you, Derek.”

I was very surprised after Derek’s evaluation that the judges were big fans of Tenley’s petal shred factory. The photo did turn out looking pretty cool though. It was the rock-and-roll aesthetic I think everyone’s been expecting from her since the beginning. Anil’s was just boring, and poor JuJuBee was just sitting on that counter “like a girl in my shop” as Eric put it.

Back in the Greens Room, poor Derek was still crying as the judges were trying to figure out why the flowers “weren’t speaking sexy to them.” Hmmm…. Tenley ended up winning for her flower hate propaganda, and Anil and TARA were in the bottom two. WHAT IS GOING ON PEOPLE?? How could Tara be in the bottom and not Derek after that verbal beatdown he just got. Confusement Junction.

Since RuPaul was there, I was really hoping Anil and Tara would have to lipsync while arranging, but alas… Both finished their rapid bouquets with a pinkish red color palette and no Whitney standards. Tara had a droopy orchid (nobody likes that, amiright?) but she still won. Yeah!! Definitely agree with that decision. Anil’s final arrangement was just too much. Unlike him. You can never be too much when you’re the Head Designer In Charge. It’s part of the job description. But I think if we learned anything this week, it’s that getting a job done right requires work. WORK.

Don’t forget to catch up on all the full episodes of The Arrangement on LogoTV.com or watch it Wednesday nights at 10/9c.