[caption id="attachment_106704" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Just a meathead in a bubble bath indulging in chocolate covered strawberries. NBD.[/caption]

ABC and Desiree continue to torture America in the most boring season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette that has ever hit the airwaves.  On the upside, we get to see the men perform in the first ever Mr. Bachelorette pageant, and while it was not as entertaining as watching Ms. Utah's flub, it was the most entertaining part of the night.  Straight Guy's straight friend watched with us this week, and Straight Guy filled him in on this season thus far: "tight shirts, weird wife beaters and v-neck shirts."

[caption id="attachment_106697" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Straight Guy's straight friend upon realizing The Bachelorette was two hours long.[/caption]

One-on-One with Brad

The guys go to Atlantic City this week, and Brad gets the first date of the show.  I'll try to keep this short and painless, unlike the date:

The two ride rides on the boardwalk, and Desiree takes Brad to a saltwater taffy shop and chocolate shop, then says she's, "really enjoying this date with Brad... love the chocolate."  Chocolate is overshadowing the hunk of a man she's with? If my years and years of public school English classes have taught me anything, it's foreshadowing, and I'm thinking Brad is not getting a rose tonight.  Dinner conversation is so stilted and slow, Straight Guy declares it a "staring contest."  Hey!  I used to love those!  Just not unintentional ones.

[caption id="attachment_106701" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Brad: if I keep shoving this glass in my face, I won't have to think of something to say.[/caption]

Finally, Desiree is about to rip off the bandaid and send the man home, but not before taking him to the top of a beautiful lighthouse.  The goodbye is pretty uneventful, and Straight Guy takes the words right out of Brad's thoughts, "couldn't you have told me before I walked up thirty stories to get here?"

Group Date

The former Miss America Mallory Hagan helps judge the first ever Mr. Bachelorette competition, and the boys have to compete in talent, Q&A and swimsuit (I'm on board here).  Surprisingly Kasey won the competition by coming up with a cute story to go along with terrible tapdancing -- not bad, Kasey, not bad.  Brooks and Zak W. come in as runner ups, and Straight Guy says about Zak, "oh, he spells his name like that?"  But actually Zak W. showed off a, as Mikey put it, "true talent" when he serenaded Des with the guitar.  During the Q&A portion, Mikey said that women only saw men as meatheads, but that they "cry inside."  And then continues to show off his sensitive side in the talent portion when he does handstand pushups with his shirt off.

[caption id="attachment_106703" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Straight Guy as Mikey: "I'm not a piece of meat, but here is my talent."[/caption]

After the competition, the guys head to the pool with Desiree where they continue to show her that they are indeed multi-faceted men.  Chris reads her some poetry (Straight Guy: "He's going with the poetry thing; is he serious?"), and Zak W. continues to serenade Des with his guitar (Straight Guy: "If she only knew he wrote that about someone else.")  Alright, alright we get it... you're more than a set of pecs in a V-neck.

One-on-One with James

Des takes James on a date that has some depth.  They survey the damage done to the Jersey Shore by Hurricane Sandy, and then the two meet Manny and Jan, a couple who lost everything in the hurricane.  James and Des do an incredibly sweet thing and give their date away to Manny and Jan because the couple had to celebrate their 39th anniversary in a shelter during the hurricane.

[caption id="attachment_106708" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Give these two a show! (Actually, no, please don't ruin these good souls.)[/caption]

— J.P. Rosenbaum (@JP_Rosenbaum) June 18, 2013

Do you actually still even care how Des' date with James (who may just be looking for his 15 minutes) went after watching/reading about Manny and Jan?  All you need to know is James told her he once cheated on a girlfriend of 5 years, but also, he was a freshman in college so can we all agree he gets a free pass to not bore America with these details anymore?

Oh, and Straight Guy asks the truly thought-provoking question of the night, "Do you think if [James] sees Ronnie on the shore, the world would implode?"

[caption id="attachment_106711" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Which is meatier?[/caption]

James gets a rose because how could he not after that date, Zack (this guy) goes home in the Rose Ceremony, and I am going to end this recap so I can go do things that actually matter.

Last Week's 'Bachelorette' Recap