The Best and Worst of “American Horror Story: Hotel” Episode 9

Here comes the bride, all dressed in blood-spattered white.

The various guests at the Hotel Cortez are starting to get restless. Luckily a quick wedding might be just the thing bring our ragtag gang of murderers, ghosts, vampires, and demons together. Actually, it’ll probably just further tear them apart.

Check out the best and worst of American Horror Story: Hotel episode 9, below!


AHS:H Opening monologue

Gaga’s Opening Monologue: You know, they warn you about the dangers of voice over in Intro To Writing For TV but I think it works pretty well here. Sure, it ain’t subtle. But then again, nothing in this show is.

In fact, some light research on Wikipedia tells me that this episode was written by Brad Falchuk. Compared to the disaster dialogue of last week’s Ryan Murphy scripted episode (in which mixed metaphors and redundant expository conversations occurred aplenty) this Wednesday’s iteration deserves a goddamn Pulitzer. Characters expressing themselves coherently with clear motivations and witty banter? Who thought we’d ever get that this season!

AHS:H Pasties

Star Pasties: These are here.

AHS:H Blue Monday

Blue Monday: Never mad at a murder scene set to New Order.

AHS:H Clap Back

That Laundress Clap Back: GO OFF!

AHS:H Cinema

Smile for the Camera!: Take a look at the composition of this shot. Pretty good stuff! Much like with the production design, AHS never fails in delivering well executed cinematography, and some of the best of the season was delivered in this episode.


AHS:H Porno

Ryan Murphy’s Got A Type: What a surprise! Another strong jawed muscly white dude! I wonder if we’ll see him without his shirt on! Oh, yup. We sure do.

AHS:H Alzheimers

Alzheimer Vampire: Bassett’s acting here is excellent as per usual, but this storyline came out of nowhere and doesn’t seem to serve much purpose or fit any of the themes of the season. This character’s intentions were quite clear before, no need to make them even more complicated — especially while other plot lines (Drilldo?) have barely even begun to resolve themselves.

AHS:H eye

What Am I Even Watching?: I actually am not entirely sure I’m following a lot of these story lines any more. There’s just too many of them! Bad Italian accent guy is back? And Bomer is double-crossing Bassett? And March is triple-crossing Gaga (maybe)? And also Chloe is trying to cure the vampire kids? And Bates is maybe fully evil now but kind of not?

You know that thing they say about throwing sh*t at a wall? Some of it sticks, sure. But the problem is that then you have sh*t all over your wall.

freelance pop-culture blogger (NNN, MTV Iggy, Oxygen) / recovering academic / wannabe club kid / satanic hipster / talentless DJ.