The Dateability Index: How Do Your Favorite Gay TV Characters Rate?

Which characters are the most date-worthy … and who should be avoided.

Still the gold standard in gay TV character dateability

Dating can be tough, especially if you look to daytime and primetime TV for your role models (and don’t we all?) Luckily, here at The Backlot, we’re ready to help you out with our Dateability Index, which rates the pros and cons of some of the most popular current gay TV characters.

Each man will be judged on a scale of one to five Scotty Wandells, because the Brothers & Sisters character was, of course, the greatest dateable man in TV history. Can any current characters measure up? Take a look.

Blaine Anderson, Glee

Blaine Cries

Pros: Hottest when crying. Has hot brother. “Blaine” works well for most portmanteau.

Cons: Falls easily for dumb straight blonds. Will let you know he cheated by singing a sad, slow acoustic version of the song he wooed you with. Likely Grindr account.

Dateability: Tread lightly, or this teenage dream will become a nightmare.

Agron DeGladiator, Spartacus

Pros: Will come down from the cross for you. Will protect you from horny pirates.

Cons: Will protect you from horny pirates. Likes to cut things.

Dateability: A catch! If either of you live past the age of 30.

Will Horton, Days Of Our Lives

Pros: Hottest when crying. Will fantasize about you in shower. Listens to hot indie band Magic Coach.

Cons: Knocked up ex-girlfriend. Incurred wrath of of sociopath. Harridan mother. Oh hell, we don’t have enough space to list everything.

Dateability: Run!

Cameron Tucker, Modern Family

Pros: Rum Tum Tugger; Fizbo.

Cons: Overly sensitive; Misunderstands situations for comic effect. Suspicious of lesbians.

Dateability: Cameron has a big heart, but he has a tendency to take things the wrong way …and personally. And he holds a grudge. And has “future Toddlers & Tiaras parent” written all over him.

John Cooper, Southland

Pros: Law bringer; Tough, but heart of gold; Good to have around in hostage situation, shootout, or when getting parking ticket. Newly sober.

Cons: Yells at kids; Aching back; Was trained by Major Dad.

Dateability: Maybe wait until he takes early retirement.

Kurt Hummell, Glee

Pros: Can tolerate Rachel Berry. Can even rock the Richard Simmons look.

Cons: Can tolerate Rachel Berry. Went from Blaine to Homeless Neil Patrick Harris.

Dateability: Kurt needs somebody to hold him too close, somebody to hurt him too deep, somebody to sit in his chair, and ruin his sleep, and make him aware …of being alive. Being alive, dammit! Are you that guy?

Lafayette Reynolds, True Blood

Pros: Rare well-done medium. Rocks a muumuu.

Cons: Will kill you (but regret it), easily possessed by stammering flighty witches, overly stabby at times.

Dateability: You in danger, girl.

Bryan Collins, The New Normal

Brian The New Normal

Pros: Has hot ex-boyfriend. His mother will like you more.

Cons: Bit of a control freak. Creator of Sing. Sometimes … exhausting. Hated Baywatch Nights.

Dateability: Sometimes shallow and whiny, the patience of a saint is definitely required.

Nolan Ross, Revenge

Pros: Super rich. Will help you mastermind a decades-long retribution for shits and giggles.

Cons: Lovers have a tendency to die violently. Sartorially challenged.

Dateability: Fair, as you long as you remember he likes oysters and snails.

Max Blum, Happy Endings

Pros: Owns limo. Fat Joey. Not a Gay Lobster.

Cons: Borderline certifiable. Still searching for gay identity. Dangerous eggnog addiction. Friends may be figment of imagination.

Dateability: You’ll have a lot of fun … but don’t expect to be around long.

Mitchell Pritchett, Modern Family

Pros: Ginger.

Cons: Hates balls near face. Intense ornithophobia.

Dateability: Mitch is mild-mannered and uptight, but if you’re a drama queen with size 18 clown shoes, you may have a shot.

David Sawyer, The New Normal

Pros: Patience of a saint. Does a killer Gollum. Star Wars nerd. Riblets.

Cons: Likes Hootie & The Blowfish. Wears Boy Scout uniform unironically. Likes boy name “Julie.”

Dateability: Easygoing and hot, it’s obvious David can put up with almost anything.

Danny Mahealani, Teen Wolf

Danny Teen Wolf

Pros: Looks like this. Will stand by you through growing pains. Has ironic last name.

Cons: Plays lacrosse. Adorable sidekicks always asking if he finds them attractive.

Dateability: Danny will make a great boyfriend … but you better stick to brunch dates.

Sonny Kiriakis, Days Of Our Lives

Pros: Puppy dog eyes. Gay mentor. Mean right hook. Makes awesome mix-tapes. Likes indie band Magic Coach. Barrista. Will keep your secrets. Will materialize in shower for masturbatory fantasies.

Cons: Supportive … to a fault.

Dateability: Joins Scotty in the Dateable Hall Of Fame

So who do you think are the most dateable gay characters currently on TV?


80's Pop Culture Expert, Shooting At The Walls Of Heartache.