We might be too old to trick-or-treat, but there’s still plenty of eye candy in classic horror movies.
Below, we take a bite of 13 splatterfest himbos.
David Decoteau’s Boxer Briefs Brigade
Director David DeCoteau (who also directs under many alternate names including Wilma Rubble, Victoria Sloan, Ellen Cabot and my personal favorite H.L. Smokum) has carved out his own unique niche in Hollywood.
His films include such titles as Voodoo Academy, The Brotherhood Series, Wolves of Wall Street, Beastly Boy, and too many others to name. And they all have one thing in common: hot guys in boxer briefs.
If there’s one thing you can be assured of in every Decoteau film, it’s that he’s going to find some way to get his male cast down to their underwear (sometimes for the majority of the running time). It’s bizarre, totally unnecessary—and hilarious.
And if you keep an eye out, you may see some familiar faces before they were well known, like Cory Monteith, Josh Henderson, Riley Smith, and above (far left), the latest inductee into the club, Graham Rogers, who resurfaced as the caddish Caleb on Quantico.
Paul Satterfield in Creepshow 2
There’s no way that 1987’s Creepshow 2 could’ve measured up to the original, but they gave it a game go, and one of the segments in the film is remembered fondly by horror fans.
The Raft told the story of two couples trapped in the middle of a pond by a carnivorous – slick of black ooze? I remember it fondly for the awesome sight of Blond God Paul Satterfield stripping to a yellow speedo. What carnivorous slick of black ooze wouldn’t want to feast on that?
Jason Beghe in Monkey Shines
Speaking of perfect 80’s guys, Jason Beghe is another prime example. He starred in 1986’s Monkey Shines as a paralyzed man who gets to fulfill a wish the rest of us have only dreamed of – telepathically ordering a monkey to mutilate his enemies.
Jason has had a long and successful career (including playing Matt’s closeted Navy boyfriend on Melrose Place), but to me he’ll always be the hot guy doing naked stretching in that killer monkey movie.
Brett Dalton in Until Dawn
Okay, we’re cheating a little with this one because Until Dawn is actually a video game, but Brett (who also stars on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) plays Michael, a perfect horror himbo. He’s hot and sometimes hot-headed, and best of all, you get to decide his actions during the game. Sadly, “striptease” is not an option.
Dylan Fergus in Hellbent
2004’s Hellbent was billed as the “first gay horror film,” but obviously they forgot about Can’t Stop The Music.
Anyway, Dylan Fergus stars as police technician Eddie, who notices that his friends are showing up around West Hollywood without their heads, and suspects something might be wrong. Will he be the next victim of the demented (but hot) devil-clad serial killer?
Robert Brian Wilson in Silent Night, Deadly Night
It was the film that launched parental hysterics around the U.S.
When Silent Night, Deadly Night came out in 1984, it had already seen protests from parent’s groups outraged that Santa was a psycho killer. They were also miffed the film’s ads were running in the afternoon—during kids programming!
Robert Brian Wilson was the gorgeous, albeit murderous Santa. He left showbiz in the ’80s, but I always think of him when I make my Christmas list.
Tom McBride in Friday The 13th Part 2
Former Marlboro Man Tom will always have a place in horror film history as wheelchair-guy Mark in the greatest Friday The 13thfilm, who couldn’t escape Jason’s rude machete.
Sadly, Tom died of AIDS in 1995, and his life, career, and death are chronicled in the 1996 documentary Life And Death On The A List.
Kevin Spirtas in Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Speaking of gay actors and the Friday series, there have been quite a few over the years, including Kevin Spirtas, who as Kevin Blair starred in the 1988 “Jason Vs. Carrie” installment. He played Nick, the love interest of the telekinetic Final Girl, and became one of the rare men to survive Jason’s wrath.
Robert Rusler in A Nightmare On Elm Street: The Gay One
Moving on to another essential horror franchise, 1985’s A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge has been extensively dissected over its gay subtext (which isn’t really sub), but in addition to its lead hero Jesse (played by out actor Mark Patton), there’s another reason why it resonated for gay viewers of a certain age.
Robert Rusler played Jesse’s best friend Ron, who was the perfect first crush. Sadly, he was too pretty to live.
Ryan Reynolds in The Amityville Horror
2005’s unnecessary remake of The Amityville Horror was memorable for one thing – it gave us a good look at Ryan Reynolds’ post-workout body. Repeatedly.
Dylan Edrington in 2001 Maniacs
Out director Tim Sullivan updated the ’60s cult classic 2000 Maniacs with a noticeable (and welcome) twist.
In most horror films there’s always one girl who’s oversexed and bares gratuitous amounts of flesh. But in 2005’s 2001 Maniacs, that job went to Dylan Edrington, who is comically horny. (He even humps a pillow bare-assed)
Jesse Williams in Cabin In The Woods
2012’s Cabin In The Woods is one of the greatest horror comedies ever made, featuring appealing actors all playing a horror archetype. While Chris Hemsworth played the studly jock, we’re turning our attention to Jesse Williams as Holden, the sensitive scholar.
Of course, that’s actually hot sensitive scholar, as his peek-a-boo behind a two-way mirror reveals. But the “virginal” Final Girl pissed off us to no end for denying us the money shot. We’re glad the world was destroyed.
Danny Wolske in Bleed
If you’ve never heard of 2002’s Bleed, it’s understandable. It was a direct-to-dvd turd that is noteworthy for only thing – full frontal nudity from some of its male cast.
That includes lead Danny Wolske, who has a couple of life-affirming scenes, including a nude pool romp. None of this has anything to do with the plot, but it does make him the quintessential horror himbo.
Who are your favorite horror himbos?