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Travon Free Comes Out As Bisexual

A few days ago I started to see posts on my news feed about

Omarion: “he’s bi! He’s okay with it!,” I read. But before the rumor mill could

churn at full speed, it stopped. Oops. Not so much, tweeted the singer.

So it’s very refreshing to see the opposite story show up on

the web this week: a black actor, comedian and former college athlete coming

out publicly as bisexual, at peace with his decision.

After a decade of questionable media coverage on black men

who have sex with men and women, Travon Free’s coming out is a breath of fresh

air. Not as famous, clearly, as Omarion, his essay on coming out is refreshing

both for its honesty and its lack of moralization about the black community

(see: J.L. King’s book On the Down Low).

“I’ve been a lot of things and done a lot of things in my

life. Brother, son, student, athlete, fraternity boy, writer, comedian, actor,

and dare I say, I’ve done these things while remaining quite handsomely charming

and humble. All most all of them make me extremely proud of who I am and what I

have become. But most of my teen and adult life there was one thing that I

wasn’t so proud of. In fact I spent many years painfully ashamed of it. That

thing being the fact that I am bisexual,” Free writes.

Free’s journey has a lot in common with your standard coming

out tale, but bisexuals struggle differently because of their heterosexual

proclivities. Free never had to fake his attraction to women but knew his

attraction to men might cost him friends and family: “I knew I couldn’t be gay

because I knew I was attracted to girls sexually but I knew there was more to

me than I could understand at the time.”

One of the most interesting aspects of Free’s coming out is

his complex relationship to the church and God. Many black LGBT people have to

work through their faith, find a way to keep believing even as some elders

dissuade them from pursuing their feelings.

“The first adult I ever confided in about my feelings was a

pastor at a church retreat I went to when I wasand I remember him telling

me that I wasn’t gay or bisexual, but that it was because my father wasn’t in

my life and it caused me to seek his love from other men. Not surprising that

would be his response since he himself is a “reformed” gay who was cured by

God. Well that made me feel good for about a week but I knew it wasn’t true. It

was actually complete bull. But at 14 you don’t know that yet.”

I imagine Free’s experience with the pastor is a common one

– I had a very similar experience. It can be quite traumatizing, but with some

theological questioning, friends and role models, Free found a way to reconcile

his beliefs with his sexuality. One of the most unrecognized aspects of the

coming out process is how it forces religious people to think deeply and

historically about their faith. Free seems to have gone through this process

with a deeper understanding of the historical role of the Bible, Christian

ethics, religion as an institution and the nature of God.

“People have used God to do all kinds of destructive and

hurtful things to other people when the message is simple, love each other. But

because religion and the Bible have been so terribly abused, people like me

have to go through life feeling like our existence is a mistake. I just wish

all the people who killed themselves before they got a chance to see the

process through to the end had another chance.”

At a time when some directors are advising gay actors to

stay in the closet, Free does wonder if his very public coming out will affect

his career. But unlike the many people in Hollywood who’ve chosen to remain

hidden to keep their jobs, Free believes revealing his sexuality will help him do his job better: “I believe

the added element of truth will make it a whole lot easier to be myself, write

funnier material, write truthful material, and that’s good enough for me.”

And following the reported spate of gay suicides, Free

believed going public about his struggles was an act bravery that could

encourage others toward paths of self-acceptance.

“After reading the stories of such brave young men and women

who had been beaten or killed or suffered through brutal attacks, I felt it was

time for me to step up to the plate. The heaviest stone I have carried my

entire life is finally being put down as if Atlas was finally able to take the

world down from his shoulders.”

So many young gay men of color struggle with their

attractions to men and take years to find a way to live with who they are, we

should all congratulate Free for being bolder than the rest and offering a

roadmap to pride.

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