Can we please kill Bill?
What is going on with this dude? True Blood has yet to kill one of the show’s original key players (Sookie, Jason, Bill, Eric, Tara, Sam), and we are thinking maybe Bill will be going on next week’s finale as he has been a dick this entire season. Also, is this Lilith chick a vampire or a siren? All these weird noises and the odd relationship with water, something is up with this bloodied lady. She’s kind of a mix of Lilith from Cheers and Isabella Rossellini in Death Becomes Her and Ariel from The Little Mermaid, and we like this.
Anyway, on to the rankings.
1. Vampire: Authority Edition / Back From The Dead Gay Vampire Edition: Once again, these folks are back on top, but this week they lost key players Nora and Eric, who have clearly joined Team Hot Mess. Also creating a problem for these crazies is the fact that Lilith is speaking to all of them, turning Bill murderous and likely leading to a major showdown between him and Salome. Barb from Cougar Town is not seeing visions of Lilith but is kicking ass and taking names, rounding up Pam for murder (covering for Tara) and Jessica for fleeing daddy Bill’s home and murdering two guards. This lady gets shit done.
Russell meanwhile is hanging out with new BF Steve, who seems to be dressing like Danny Zuko at this juncture in his life. They are after the faeries, and the faeries they do find, with Russell getting that blood he has long been lusting for and, as a result, getting a glimpse into that hidden gay club the non-winged creatures all hang out at. Ruh roh Sookie.
2. Vampires: Hot Mess Edition: Sure Pam is now a prisoner, Jessica’s dad Bill is pissed at her and Tara, the world’s worst manager ever, is alone at Fangtasia, but Eric and Nora totally figured out an amazing plan to save everyone while having quiet sex together in that Ikea bedroom. Right?
3. Shape-shifters: Sure Sam is going to be breakfast for the nut squad and he asked Pam of all people to look after Luna, but Sam and Luna have totally figured out an amazing plan to save Emma after roaming the compound in mouse and needlessly naked form. Right?
4. Wolves: Really not much of a story line this week. Emma is still all caged up and all we got to see of Alcide was some weird bedhead after being roughed up by vampires. Watching Alcide’s dad get all Katniss Everdeen was pretty cool though.
5. Faeries: You kids are fuc*ed.