This is the True Blood we have been missing. After a few ups and downs over the first few episodes, last night showed us the crazy and largely inexplicable otherworldly show we have come to know and love. Whether you enjoy severed heads with stitched lips or the return of what appeared to be the Fire Monster from Lost, there was something for everyone on last night’s episode. Now, on to the rankings.
1. Fairies: Thank God for good, old reliable Sookie. Though her attempts to sexually straddle Alcide seemed to be getting pushed to the back burner due to frequent interruptions, she was able to use that mind-reading noggin of her’s to figure out just where Russell was and join her dimwitted pals Bill and Eric to find him. Let’s just hope she is rewarded next week with a big “O” from Alcide, girl deserves it.
2. Vampires: Hot Mess Edition: Bill and Eric will not be getting killed it appears, so that is good news. And, Tara (who Pam seems to be dressing like a slim Latrice Royale), found a new friend in Jessica. Well, until Jessica caught Tara feeding off of her emo, guylined ex Hoyt. Girls…
3. Wolves: It is totally looking like some of these folks dug up Alcide, right? Remember, the wolves and Alcide were kinda BFF back in the day cause of his blood sharing.
4. Vampires: Authority Edition: There is a traitor amongst you, and we are thinking it is Salome. Pretty girls are always bitches. Or Maybe Meloni (we aren’t even bothering to learn his name), as he may be the prettiest person on the show.
5. Creepy Chupacraba Brujo: Floating heads with stitched lips? Lafayette needs to get himself on some meds right quick.
6. Shape-Shifters: Sam and Luna? NOOOOO. Someone go find sweet little Emma quick because if anything happens to that girl we will straight up jump into our television set and cause some damage.
Unranked: Smoke/Fire Monster: WTF is this thing?