True Blood was pretty action packed this week though, in all fairness, after watching two hours of The Bachelorette staring at a blank television screen would have been captivating programming. Hoyt became an ass, Jason became an ass, Marcus’ mother may not be an ass after all and Sam rolled around on the ground. Oh, and Godric came back!
To the rankings.
1. Vampires: Back From The Dead Gay Vampire Edition / Authority Edition: So it seems like the two groups have combined following the death of Roman and, as we assumed, Salome dug up Russell. The vamps enjoyed the ceremonial blood of Lilith this week, after Russell decapitated the dude who looks like he plays in a zydeco band, and then took to the streets of New Orleans like a bunch of drug addled teens. They seemed to be behaving just fine until they decided to eat an entire bar of Christians, with Barb from Cougar Town REALLY going to town on a GCB. Lilith then appeared to show her support for the vampires’ behavior, followed by Godric who told Eric he needed to clean his sh*t up.
2. Shape-shifters: Sam is one hell of a detective, something that could have come in handy a million times before this episode. If he can sniff out people that well shouldn’t he get a part time job solving crimes? Catching serial killers? Really, just anything other than working at a bar.
3. Wolves: We are going to have to split the wolf category soon as Marcus’ mom is clearly done with her pack after gross old man tried to give Emma blood. Meanwhile, Alcide seems to have moved on from his Sookie crush rather quickly and should be smashing his training partner in no time. Also, props to Alcide on the Marcus grave joke. Who knew he was funny?
4. Vampires: Hot Mess Edition: Tara told off her mother and Pam is still proving to be the only woman in the world who can rock crimped hair. Everyone else seems to be doing not so great though. Bill and Eric are involved in the aforementioned murderous orgy on Bourbon Street, Jessica got shot in the head by Jason (prick) and Hoyt seem about ready to do something really, really stupid.
5. Fairies: Don’t try and get rid of your powers Sookie. Please.