True Blood managed to resolve one major storyline this week, with the roving gang of murderous “Obamas” finally meting their demise — and it was Bud leading the crazies. Elsewhere, Bill is becoming a sex-crazed as*hole, Terry is back to shooting people in the head, and Sookie and Hoyt are learning that a little Ginger Ale with a whole bunch of Oxy will knock you right out.
To the rankings.
1. Vampire: Authority Edition / Back From The Dead Gay Vampire Edition: Bill has officially left his Hot Mess Group, and is all about being a chosen one, having picked Salome and some acrobatic vampire sex over frenemy Eric, spoiling the latter’s attempt to escape from the vampire compound. Meanwhile, Russell is being a real prick and has stolen Emma, in wolf form, as a gift for his new slam piece, former preacher Steve. Oh, and the group is successfully destroying all the Tru Blood plants around the world. Humans beware.
2. Shape-shifters: Sam was awesome this week, becoming a fly and a pig and just his hot naked self in order to save Sookie. Sadly, he did not really seem to care as much about Hoyt’s well-being, but the kid managed to get out kind of alive from the pigpen of death. Also awesome was Luna, who beat the sh*t out of that horrible fat lady who wanted to murder all the supes. For a skinny girl that Luna packs a pretty major punch.
3. Fairies: At this point these kids are doing little more than traipsing in and showing off their sequined wears. At least they aren’t a complete mess like the two groups below them on the list.
4. Vampires: Hot Mess Edition: Eric is stuck against his will in a compound, Tara has gone back to bartending over stripping, where her real strengths seem to lie, and there is a new sheriff in town. Pam does not like the new guy, and neither do we. He has a crappy attitude, limp, unwashed hair and looks a whole lot like Paul Rubens character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yuck.
5. Wolves: Can these people do anything right? Alcide is just riding around, bummed out, to visit his father, Robert Patrick, who seems contractually obligated to appear in every other HBO drama, Emma has been taken by the vampires and that new pack leader is the WORST.