True Blood’s fifth season has come to an end and, like all of this show’s previous season finale’s, there was a whole bunch of death, a whole bunch of blood and a whole bunch of nudity. We said goodbye to Russell and Salome, wondered what is going on with Luna, Emma and Sam and watched Bill become some sort of scary and gross demigod. But who ended the season on top?
To the rankings.
1. Faeries: In a shocking late season surge, the faeries killed it (literally) last night. After five seasons of wondering just what the hell that light of theirs was good for, the collective powers of the gay faerie club was able to turn over favorite True Blood villain, Russell Edgington, into nothing but goo. This after his face melted Raiders of the Lost Ark style. Then, the faerie who looks just like Noomi Rapace and banged Andy (who looked damn good last night) gave birth to four beautiful babies, and we learned that faerie birth is just one very long, and very enjoyable, orgasm. Lucky bitches.
2. Wolves: After Alcide’s gal Rikki arrived at his pa’s trailer with a major vamp blood addiction, Alcide decided to get some revenge, and revenge he got as he murdered dickhead pack master JD and became the new leader of the pack. Back at the compound, it looks like Emma is finally free but we are not positive about this just yet. So wolves off blood and Alcide in charge definitely means more shirtless Manganiello next year, right?
3. Vampires: Hot Mess Edition: Go Nora and Eric. These two manage to successfully kill everyone in the compound, save Salome and Kibwe, who Bill takes care of himself, and Barb from Cougar Town, who Sam destroys. The Hot Mess team basically just made the entire world safe and, even better, Pam and Tara are totally in love and going to be getting it on. We can’t wait for those lover’s quarrels. The only slight problem is that crazy Bill is still around.
4. Vampire: Authority Edition / Back From The Dead Gay Vampire Edition: Well all these dudes are dead except Bill and our boy Steve Newlin so they should be in last, but given Bill’s rebirth we are very, very nervous.
5. Shape-shifters: It seems like Luna may be done, cutting the shape-shifter population on this show in half. That being said, Sam was awesome when he destroyed Barb from Cougar Town from inside her mouth.