A pretty Katy Perry welcomes you to the post. Warning, the rest of it is gonna be u-g-l-y. Photo from thesuperficial.com
Yes, it’s the holiday season and all this week, but really, there’s nothing much from last Sunday’s American Music Awards to be thankful about, unless you’re into train wrecks. As Beyonce (dearly missed) sang in Gaga’s Telephone, ‘this is a disas-tuh!’ Off-key singing, awful outfits, our divas this week deserve to be named and shamed. Yes, we’re getting our hateration on for this week’s Diva Watch. Ready your slice of apple or pecan pan and let’s get bitching!
1. Pink celebrates her pregnancy gingerly
Pink rockin’ her early-pregnancy bod. Photo from gossiponthis.com
Let’s start off on a positive note, shall we? Fresh off the announcement the she’s pregnant, Pink performed the latest single from her new greatest hits set, Raise Your Glass. She was noticeably less mobile (esp. when you compare it to her previous Cirque Du Soleil antics), but nonetheless gave off great energy and had strong vocals. We’ll raise our glasses to that (mummy-to-be Pink probably shouldn’t drink though)!
+15 A solid B+ performance from a true professional.
-5 What was that pretty heinous last note all about?
Total: +10
More bitching on Katy P, Rihanna and Xtina after the cut!
2. Katy Perry’s fireworks fizzles
If only Katy’s singing was as fierce as her posing. Photo from Telegraph.co.uk
Oh Katy. Well, um… you looked really pretty! As for your performance – We’ll say this: Firework is a tough song to sing because it’s waayy too high for your vocal range, so props for having the balls to even attempt it. But, it was an abject failure, like A-Lister-Reichen-attempting-to-sing bad. You probably needed sparks coming out of your boobs again, like in the music video, to distract us from noticing the horrible vocals.
-30 Outsung by the choir kids in the background? Shame on you, Katy. Also, is it just us or does the song sound like it’d be much better sung by someone like Kelly Clarkson?
Total: -30
3. Rihanna shakes her tush with all her might
The honor of opening this year’s AMA went to Rihanna, who did a medley of Love The Way You Lie Pt. 2, What’s My Name and Only Girl. Now, we have grudging respect for Rihanna, because with her limited vocal ability, she could have easily gone down the Britney Spears look pretty, shimmy a little, and lip-synch route. Instead, RiRi has consistently sung live at these major events, even if the result is always less than impressive. Just mute the sound, and play the CD over her performance, we say.
-15 Too pitchy a performance, as Randy Jackson would say
+5 Rihanna’s projecting a Beyonce-lite vibe with her moves, which we’re digging (though it makes us miss Beyonce even more).
Total: -10
4. Christina Aguilera huffs and puffs
From the Mickey Mouse Club to their local Ihop.
Ok, we understand a divorce is difficult and all that, but is Christina indulging in some stress eating? The Bionic diva performed a lil’ number from Burlesque, and she sounded pretty good, but her look was questionable. The skintight, sparkly black corset and fishnet stockings definitely did not flatter the fuller figure she’s spotting nowadays. Also, where are the moves, Christina? This is supposed to be a burlesque show!
-10 Hey, if Brit-Brit is gonna be slammed for her 2007 VMAs look, then fair’s fair!
+5 Same lackluster performance and unflattering outfits, but the thing Christina’s got over Brit in this comparison is her stunning vocals, as always.
Total: -5
5. Ke$ha does Gaga (in a good way)
Multi-talented Ke$ha even showed off some keyboard talent – all five seconds of it
Don’t tell anyone, but we secretly like Ke$ha now after her kickass AMA performance! Yes, the apocalypse is nigh! The trashy-and-proud-of-it star did a medley of Take It Off and We R Who We R, and it was a great big ball of fun! Queen Ke$ha knows her vocal limits, and never strays out of it. As such, she sounds pretty much as good as her studio recording, and the girl is just hella entertaining on stage! The highlight was her smashing a guitar with a Anti-Hate sticker labeled on it on stage. How very anarchic!
+20 There is hope for the new generation of divas after all, and Ke$ha is leading the way?
-5 A logical conundrum: Ke$ha’s smashing of the guitar labeled ‘Anti-Hate’ was ostensibly a show of her support against bullying. But doesn’t destroying anti-hate = anti- anti-hate? Ke$ha obviously didn’t think this one through.
Total: +15
Scoreboard:
+15 – Ke$ha (WINNER!)
+10 – Pink
-5 – Christina Aguilera
-10 – Rihanna
-30 – Katy Perry
All hail Queen Ke$ha! (Gulp.)
