Before we begin, let’s provide a bit of background for those just tuning into the show.
For the uninitiated, W13 is a top secret facility in South Dakota which houses rare and dangerous artifacts, such as Lewis Carroll’s looking glass, Robin Hood’s crossbow, and James Franco’s brownie recipe.
Secret Service Agents Myka Bering (Joanne Kelly) and Pete Lattimer (Eddie) are assigned to retrieve the supernatural items, with help from Warehouse director Mrs. Frederic (CCH Pounder), agent-in-charge Artie (Saul Rubinek), and hot flame-haired tech geek Claudia (Allison Scagliotti).
This season also sees the debut of new agent Steve Jinks (Aaron Ashmore), who has the ability to tell when someone is lying, and is the first recurring gay character on Syfy since Caprica’s Sam Adama.
This week’s episode of Warehouse 13 introduces us to Pete’s ex-wife. Resistance is futile.
Okay, I apologize for that.
Oh, and we get backstory about Steve which is poignant and touching … and vaguely troubling.
Now let’s follow the action … in picture form, because there’s no better way to appreciate the goofy awesomeness than with snarky captions!
“I am so sick of that recapper saying I look like Elton John in these glasses”
“Pete, your ex-wife is here”
“”The Bitch is Back”
“Hey, It’s me, Myka. I’m back from my mission, raiding tacky gift stores around the world looking for cursed tchotchkes. I got this one at Bed, Bath & Bee-Yond”
“There’s no need to feel threatened by me, Myka, my silver catsuit and space pumps are in storage.”
Okay, I’ll say it. You just know that Little Pete is squeeing a little.
“Oh please. I’ve had way more fanfic written about me than you ever had!”
“Are you kidding? Do you know how much Seven/Janeway crap I get sent?””
“Actually, Someone sent me something so disgusting, I knew you’d love it.”
“OMG! Seven & Buffy Vs. Counselor Troi & Xena in the ultimate tag team jello wrestling match! “
“Anyway, I’m here to tell you that I’m getting married. Oh, and you’re not invited, and I want my Grandfather’s ring back.”
“Um, congratulations. I just went to tell you that since I stopped drinking I’ve tried to make amends to everyone I hurt, but I was going to save you for last because I knew it would be the most difficult. And I was hoping for a pity f**k”
“We have a problem people! The cursed bee in this beehive is gone!”
“Are you telling me that the bee somehow fell into my ex-wife’s purse, and she just brought a cursed artifact to her wedding? Well, hopefully we’ll get to her before the bee stings her and she infects other people by touching them”
“Ouch! I don’t what just pricked me, but I’m sure rubbing my gross contaminated finger all over my bridesmaids and groomsmen won’t infect them”
“Pete, what are you doing here? Did your disinvitation get lost in the mail?”
“Um, we … brought your wedding gift, but we wanted to warn you that on the package it says it will ’blow your hair back,'”
“Not that I don’t appreciate the attention of your Stepford helpers …”
“Damn, there are my future in-laws. I don’t want to deal with them right now. Just do whatever you have to do, but keep them away from me”
“A-Ha!. I’ve got the artifact. Well, that’s it then.”
“There’s just one problem. The wedding helpers are going berserk. They discovered that the wedding cake is gluten free.”
“I figured everything out. The bee belonged to an ancient queen who yadda yadda yadda … she was able to command her helpers, but eventually couldn’t control it, and everything went kaput. The only way to stop the insanity is to attach the bee to the skin, and the cursed stinger will be drawn out back to the bee.”
The three Kardashian sisters tore the place apart looking for their one eye.
“You stupid cow! A Toaster oven was not on the …”
“We used the bee to remove the stinger. Now everything is back to normal and the wedding can commence!”
“By the way … that wedding present was for your daughter, not you!”
“Myka, I just want you to know that I didn’t tell you about being married because that was the old Pete, Pete the drunk, Pete the loser. And I want everyone to know the Pete I am now.”
“So, how about a pity f … oh never mind”
Meanwhile, let’s join junior agents Claudia and Steve in the field.
“Damn you Artie! I didn’t know that’s what you meant when you said Pete and Myka would have the “B” story this week. Now Steve and I are stuck here at a Civil War reenactment trying to find Ulysses S. Grant’s cursed drinking flask, which we have to find before someone drinks from it and believes he’s really fighting that war “
“So Jinksy, what’s your backstory? What was life like before the Warehouse?”
“That was in the past, and I prefer it stay in the past … or at least until later in the episode.”
“We can’t find the flask in here, but how can we possibly blend in with those reena … hey, wait a minute, I’ve got a plan! “
“Why do I feel like Laverne?”
* Actual Steve quote
“Oh no, you’re not Laverne, I’m Laverne. You’re Shirley”
*Actual Claudia quote
“There’s the guy with the flask! With Claudia fake killed by a fake soldier, I can grab it and close the case, thus proving my superior capabilities!”
Casting has begun on The Real Housewives of Southern Republican Politicians
Scarlett O’Hara 2.0
“Come on Shirley. Try not feel too emasculated.”
“I designed the mini-tesla myself. Dude! That should be your drag name, Mini-Tesla!”
*Actual Claudia quote
“Wow. For a second you reminded me of my big sister. She used to save my ass all the time, too.”
“So do you have a past! So tell me about this big sister”
“She died. Quite a while ago.”
How can I snark this? Or anything coming up.
“Sorry for snooping Jinksy. If you don’t want to talk about her, I understand.”
“She was a hero to me. She was funny, and smart, and always there for me. I think you two really would’ve gotten along. There was this one time … “
“When my voice trailed off while I was telling a story”
“I’m so glad those kids are bonding. Enjoy it while it lasts.”
Aww! Those last minutes with Steve and Claudia were awesome. And somehow … menacing. Does anyone else get the idea that Steve’s sister is not just a backstory, but something that will figure into future events? Who shot her, and what were the circumstances. Does the Warehouse have something to do with it? Hmm …
What did you think of the episode? Oh, and who’s going to break the news to AE reader Ulysses that his great-great-grandfather’s cursed flask is locked away in storage!